Treasures Given in Love...

10 stages of a Mother who has lost a child:

1.    SHOCK- you don’t know what happened

2.    COMPREHENDING- what happened to my child?

3.    QUESTIONING- why my child?

4.    LOSE FAITH- am I being punished for something I did wrong?

5.    BLAME- if only I would’ve done this

6.    GUILT- What am I alive and my child is not?

7.    ACCEPTANCE- my child is GONE!

8.    DEPRESSION- I can’t cope

9.    GRIEVE- repeating steps 1-8, maybe all in one day, maybe in a different order, maybe some more than others

10. BEREAVEMENT- Steps 9-10 have no time limit, it is a lifetime of healing

Have you ever joked about packing your bags to go to Heaven? Or the suitcase of money you are going to take with you? I promise you that you leave this life just as you arrived-with NOTHING!! All your beloved treasures that you spent your lifetime acquiring are left behind. No big deal, you don’t need or want them anymore. To the loved ones left behind it is a haunting task to figure out what needs to stay and what can go. In the case of Heather there are sooooo many memories attached to many of the things she left behind. This bunny for her first Easter, this Barbie for graduation, and on and on it goes.

I think Heather managed to save just about every stuffed animal she was ever given. She also planned ahead and kept many of her toys to pass down to her kids. How sweet of her to plan for her kids. But now she has left me with boxes and buckets full of treasures and memories that I have a very difficult time getting rid of.

Shawnee bunny

If you have ever watched Toy Story, you get the sense that toys are real. They come to life when you leave the room. This makes sense since every child believes something during their childhood is real. The last Toy Story movie actually had Andy trying to save his beloved toys before he headed off to college. In the end he wanted them to be played with and gave them to a little girl named Bonnie. The toys-Buzz, Woody, Jesse, etc are happy to be played with and not stored in the attic.

This past month I began going through Heather’s things again. Always heart breaking as I try to decide what stays and what goes. I decided that the ones that looked brand new or that still had tags on them needed to go to new homes to be loved. I found 14 animals, mostly bunnies that could go to new homes for the upcoming Easter holiday. I tried to send most of the packages as a surprise. I think these bunnies, cats and Holly Hobbies found great new homes.

The treasures

I decided to send the animals to our great nieces and nephews. We have 12 and it seemed to be perfect for the animals I had. Steve and Amy have three babies, Emily, Wyatt and Hope. Emily was born the year Heather was in the hospital with treatments. Amy had sent Heather a picture of baby Emily with a note and we put this up in her hospital room every time we went in. These babies live in Alaska and the package didn’t make it for Easter. I made the mistake of shipping it to the wrong address. But it finally made it and they are all thrilled with their new buddies.

Hope, Wyatt and Emily

Angie and Wade have two babies, Karee and Brooklyn. Karee was very special to Heather. One of two baby blankets that Heather managed to finish went to Karee. Brooklyn was born last year. This was kind of a struggle for me as I didn’t want Karee to feel like a baby, but I didn’t want her to feel left out either with not getting a stuffed animal. Heather had a treasure box that had bunnies on it. I decided this would be good for Karee and maybe she had some jewelry she could put inside it. Mom, Angie, said I did good with my thinking.

Khloe, Heather and Karee-May 2006

Brooklyn and Karee

Krissy and Justin have three babies, Khloe, Addison and Riley. We watched Khloe when Uncle Drew died. Heather was thrilled with Khloe. We went to Peter Piper Pizza for lunch with her and Heather was trying to fake out some girls at the high school into thinking that was her baby. Heather had a great time putting her sunglasses on Khloe. Miss Addy met Heather at the ball. Heather picked her up and twirled her around. We were told that Riley was growing at the ball. I know Heather would have loved her as well.

Heather and Addy

Karee, Heather and Khloe

Khloe, Riley and Addy

Jaime and Carl have two babies, Dalayna and Tayten. Heather never had the opportunity to meet these two babes. These two sisters are fairly close in age and I knew I needed to be careful making sure there would be no fighting later. I remember how it was with my three. Heather had two baby kitties that I figured would be perfect. Once when their mom, Jaime, was three she came in carrying two cats, one under each arm and said “Aunt Sherry look at my witties.” It was the cutest thing ever this little girl with the cats being held under their front arms and their bodies hanging. The cats didn’t seem to mind. So I wanted to give her girls the “witties.”

Dalyana and Tayten

Alicia has two babes, Emre and Ayla. Ayla was born two days after the grand ball. Heather and I went to the hospital to wait with Alicia while she was in labor, then came back later that evening after Ayla was born. It was the first fresh newborn Heather had ever held. Aunt Missy was very excited after that for Violet to be here.

Alya just a few hours old

Ayla and Emre

I had two Holly Hobbie dolls that went to Brandy’s twins, Alivia and Brooklyn. Mom, Brandy remembered having Holly Hobbie stuff when she was younger. It was very comforting to give these babies to the twins that were announced on April 10. Seems only right that these girls get something that belonged to Heather.

Alivia and Brooklyn

I asked for everyone to send my photos of the kids with their new surprises. It makes me feel good that some of Heather’s treasures are being loved by new kids. It still doesn’t make it easy to let go of her things. I still have two big buckets full of animals. Maybe someday these can go to different places as well. It is all a process and a slow process at that. I just wish somehow she would have left me instructions on what I was supposed to with her things. But why would a 21 year old really be thinking about what should be done with her things in case she died.