Ohh Ohh Ohh
Said goodbye,
turned around
And you were gone,
gone, gone
Faded into the
setting sun,
Slipped away
But I won’t cry
Cause I know I’ll
never be lonely
For you are the
stars to me,
You are the light I
follow…
You know me.
Heather. Some little things I love: rain...sunflowers...victoria's
secret...pink....sara evans....blankets....strawberry cheesecake yogurt....
Bigger things... Currently, going to school and work is on hold while I fight
Leukemia. I was diagnosed with this cancer in April 2008. God is in control and
He's teaching me daily how to trust Him. Learning to have that faith that I
spoke of at the beginning of 2008... I also said that I wanted to spend more
time with family and friends that I've let slip through the cracks.... and I
have done a lot of that the past month! and last from my goals at the beginning
of 2008, I knit... quite a lot these days. I'm going to have 6 projects going
at the same time.... Before I'm done updating this page... I have a few more
things I wanted to shout out that I'm so grateful for. First and foremost, my
caregiver, biggest supporter and cheerleader.... I am so grateful and thankful
for my momy. She's been right there every single step of the way! Fighting with
doctors, nurses, and insurance to ensure that I get the best care, the most
pain free way there is! She's there for every tear drop that falls... and also
when I can smile and laugh about something. God knew I needed her!
~MySpace~Lil China
Doll
I have stated it
before that this year for a reason I cannot pinpoint is much harder. I have no
explanation for this; it just simply is the way it is. The events are still so
clear in my mind it is like they happened yesterday. I am not sure that these
images will ever leave my mind completely. They race through my mind and
thought in vivid color; they have not dulled at all.
I am not sure how
we survived the first few days after Heather died. We did things now that I
look back on and wonder how in the world we did those things. The only reason
is because of extreme shock. I was a walking, sort of functioning zombie,
drowning but still breathing with my head barely above water. The next day,
just about 12 hours after Heather died I was at Falconer Funeral Home making
all the arrangements, picking out a casket and giving them her things. After we
left the funeral home we stopped by the hospital. We went into ICU, radiology
and 6 South. We handed out “Heather” bunnies to some special staff people. We
were treated very well and were told the whole hospital was talking about
Heather. To even drive by Banner Baywood now gives me sick feeling in my
stomach. I drive by there many times a week.
One of the hardest
things was our whole family went to Peter Piper Pizza for lunch that day. Not
sure why, we were hungry and couldn’t think of anything better. We were all
numb and not sure we even tasted what we ate. The manager knew us because for
12 years this was a weekly place we ate at. He came to us during our meal and
gave us a dessert pizza. He stated that we looked so sad and he hoped this
would help our day. He had no way of knowing what had just happened in our
world and I didn’t tell him. I do remember ordering drinks and saying 6 small
drinks, wait no 5 small drinks, no wait…and having to really think about how
many drinks cups I needed. I think that was the first moment it began to hit
home that Heather was gone as weird as that sounds.
 |
| July-2008 |
I can hear those
echoes in the wind at night
Calling me back in
time
Back to you
In a place far away
Where the water
meets the sky
The thought of it
makes me smile
You are my tomorrow
Here it is now four
years later and I still can’t come to grips with the idea that Heather is gone,
FOREVER. Her stuff is still here and life is moving forward and Heather is
still gone. Most of her friends are getting married and having babies but
Heather is still gone and not getting married and not having babies. I know she
would want her friends to be happy and move on with their lives. I am happy for
her friends and really do wish them the best. It is just hard for me to sit on
the sidelines knowing that Heather would have been involved with several of the
weddings. She would have been an honorary Aunt a couple times over. Moving
forward without her is tough. Holidays come and go and she isn’t here to
celebrate with us.
In looking at
photos I realized that there are no more new photos of Heather. I recently went
back through old photo files and began looking for different photos of Heather
that no one has really seen before. It doesn’t matter if I took a photo of her
every day, it would not be enough. But one day, there will be no never before
seen photos of her. I posted two to the blog the last few days that I really
have been enjoying looking at. Her eyes are so mesmerizing and beautiful. Just
a sad thought not to have any new photos of Heather ever again.
Sometimes I feel my
heart is breaking
But I stay strong
and I hold on
Cause I know
I will see you
again, ohhh
This is not where
it ends
I will carry you
with me
Till I see you
again…
~See You Again~Carrie
Underwood
Let's see.... Heather is my given
name but a lot of people call me Miss Priss, lil Missy, or just plain Missy. Since
finding out I am going to be an Aunt in Spring 2009, I've decided to go by Aunt
Missy... hence the "Missy".... It's much easier to learn to say. I'm
starting to think I should just accept that as my name since I get a second
chance at life... why not a new name? Yes, I spent Summer 2008 fighting cancer
and participating in aggressive in-hospital chemo. I am a Survivor! It gave me
a life makeover without my consent, but I wouldn't change a thing. This is who
I am supposed to be with this event. Hmmm... something you should know about
me.... Yes I am "the Princess"....
~MySpace~Missy
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