March 13, 1986, December 10, 1987 and April
9, 1990 are the three happiest days of my life. When a baby is born there is
happiness and joy. Heather was born the day after her Uncle Steve’s birthday
and Wendy was born the day before Ma and Pa Coombe’s wedding anniversary.
Babies seem to want their own birthdays in families. No one ever expects what
will happen in the future.
Jenn’s birthday seemed to always be over
spring break. Who knew this at the time? Wendy has years when she has one
Easter or two Easters and sometimes no Easter in her year. This all depends on
how Easter falls. Heather’s birthday was always close to Christmas that all her
gifts would come wrapped in Christmas paper. No one ever thinks about how the
birthdays will fall when the kids get older.
My girl’s birthdays have always been special
to me. My birthday’s as a child were overlooked and as a teen just simply
forgotten. I promised that my girls would have great birthdays. I tried my best
to keep this promise to myself. Try as I might, my little Wendy, Puddy Pie, has
been cheated or short changed or just down right given the worst birthdays ever
in 2008 and 2009.
We knew we were waiting on test results for
Heather but I never ever dreamed that we would be put in a tail spin of rushing
around to get to the hospital. Wendy was working for her actual birthday on
Wednesday April 9, 2008. We had plans on Thursday April 10, to go to the doctor
appointment, then meet at the house and go out to dinner to celebrate. Wendy’s
18th birthday was celebrated with gifts sort of thrown at her in the
family room after we had cut all Heather’s hair off and had packed to go to the
hospital. No way was this fair or the way any one should celebrate a birthday.
Knowing her sister has cancer and might not live.
January 2009 was met with such anticipation of
the year from hell being put behind us. We all figured 2008 was the worst it
could get. Boy, were we wrong! It was a great year in the fact that my little
Snookie, Violet Rayne, was born. That was the best moment of my life. Our
family thought this was the beginning of the best time of our lives. But,
Heather felt and knew down inside that something was wrong. This little fact
she kept to herself.
Jenn’s birthday came along and we had a
dinner party for her. Heather was having trouble breathing and was using her
SVN machine more than what she should have been. At the birthday party on
Saturday night March 14, 2009, Heather was embarrassed and would go outside to
use it. It was a fun evening but deep down inside I could not help but worry
about Heather. The next day Sunday Heather went to the ER and was admitted
overnight to find out why she couldn’t breathe. We were told at the time it was
methotrexate toxicity. Heather was relieved because she thought her cancer had
come back and that she had a chest tumor. Monday after she was released the
entire family went to Chili’s for lunch. It was a great time. It was our last
trip to Target where the photo of Heather in the shopping basket was taken.
Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine what the next few days would hold.
Thursday, March 19, 2009 Heather began
running a high fever and was admitted to Banner Baywood for the last time. More
and more days and things got worse and worse till we ended up in ICU on a vent.
Easter came and I had the great hope of miracles being performed. Wendy’s
birthday came and we all decided that we would celebrate her birthday when
Heather was off the vent and out of ICU. That was never to happen. Heather did
manage to get Wendy a gift before she went into the hospital and this was found
when I cleaned out her room. In the card Heather wanted Wendy to have good
birthdays since the last year was a horrible one. No one ever dreamed this
would be the last gift. We finally celebrated Wendy’s birthday in June 2009.
My Jennifer and Wendy have horrible memories
of their birthdays. No sisters should ever celebrate their birthdays with these
kinds of memories. No, this is not Heather’s fault nor did she plan this. It
just happened. The innocent victims are Jenn and Wendy, mostly Wendy for two
years in a row. As painful as these memories are to the girls they are just as
painful for me, their mother. As it is a reminder to them their birthdays are a
reminder to me as to all the events that happened. This is not fair to them. Jenn
and Wendy have broken parents for the rest of their lives. My girls do not
deserve this kind of treatment for their birthdays, especially by their mother.
My heart is heavy as I never dreamed, imagined or wanted my girls to feel
unloved or that their birthdays are overlooked by me. Not an excuse, but I am
trying the best that I can with the death of their sister. I want Jennifer and
Wendy to know that I love them both with all my heart, soul and mind. I hope
that in the future birthdays can be better. I am very thankful now they both
have husbands to help celebrate these days with them.
Today, is my Wendy’s 23rd
birthday. I have managed to make both Jenn and Wendy a homemade birthday cake
this year. I am trying. I hope to get better.
I love you my little Miss Muttley
I love you my lil Puddy Pie
I love you my sweetest Snookie
The three of you are my heart, soul and life…
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