Mother's Day 2008

Mother's Day is a celebration honoring mothers and celebrating motherhood, maternal bonds and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world.

Mother’s Day for me has always been a time when I have been thankful for the three daughters I was blessed with. That was never more clear to me that for Mother’s Day 2008. It has been just over a month since we had gotten the horrible news that Heather had very aggressive cancer. On May 6, just 5 days before Mother’s Day Heather had completed her entire first round of chemo part A and B.

Heather drugged up and just wanting to sleep thru part B

Bill and I sit in the chair that becomes my bed.

It was a very busy holiday that year with all the care that Heather required on a daily basis. But Jenn also graduated from ASU that Friday and we had Lynn and her mom Linda visiting from South Carolina. Heather wanted to attend graduation and I had great fear in my heart as she would be around 65,000 germ infested people. But I was not about to tell her no. She made it fine but did need to leave after we saw Jenn get her diploma and go lay down on the grass outside. Afterwards we went to Texas Roadhouse to celebrate Jenn’s huge accomplishment.

Wendy, Jenn and Heather-ASU graduation

Heather lays down on the grass outside ASU

Saturday, Heather was feeling very tired and run down but wanted to go to the mall to get me a Mother’s Day gift. We loaded everyone and off we went. Heather also got a new pair of glasses. No clue at the time this would be her last pair. While we waited for the one hour glasses to be finished Heather, Bill and Lynn went to look at Helzberg Jewelers. Heather did not have enough strength to walk so we had gotten a wheelchair for her. Linda, Jenn and I went to look in a different part of the mall. Lunch was at Chipotle of course. Heather bought me teardrop peridot earrings. Peridot is kind of a lime green colored stone and it matched the lymphoma color. Interesting that the earrings were teardrop shaped. She also bought Jenn a graduation gift. I had trained the girls right to get jewelry as gifts.

Everyone at Texas Roadhouse to celebrate

Heather at Jenn's party-not feeling terrific

Later that evening we were all invited to a friend’s house that had planned a wonderful celebration party for Jenn. I just could not do anything extra which made me sad and feel like a failure as a mom. I had always celebrated all the girls’ accomplishments. This was a growing moment for me to accept that I could not throw the kind of party that I wanted to for Jenn. I had to accept help. It was a lovely celebration.

The current holiday was created by Anna Jarvis, Grafton, West Virginia, in 1908 as a day to honor one's mother. Jarvis wanted to accomplish her mother's dream of making a celebration for all mothers, although the idea did not take off until she enlisted the services of wealthy Philadelphia merchant John Wanamaker. She kept promoting the holiday until President Woodrow Wilson made it an official national holiday in 1914.

Mother’s Day was nothing special; we mostly stayed in and rested. I think we went to Chili’s to eat lunch and then a very nice neighbor brought us a wonderful dinner. The next few days after Mother’s Day were very eventful. We all went to the wig store and Heather picked her long dark wig. It really looked like her real hair. She was thrilled to have “hair” again. Insurance did cover it because we had an RX for a cranium prosthetic. How crazy is that. Tuesday, I took Lynn and Linda out to the desert to see cactus firsthand. It was a stormy afternoon and I managed to get amazing photos. 

Lynn, Heather and Linda in the desert-2008

Same spot 2012

Of course Heather still had the blood draws, and I had to do the PICC line flushes and shots of lovenox. Dr. F was pushing us towards bone marrow transplant so lots of phone calls to Good Sam hospital to schedule appointments. Wednesday, Heather just slept and said she didn’t feel good. We went to lunch and then she came home to nap. I had a couple errands to do so Lynn and Linda stayed with Heather. While I was out I got a call from Dr. F himself. Heather was dangerously low on red blood cells and platelets and needed to check into the ER right away. Her white blood cell count was nothing, meaning she could catch every germ possible. The ER was the worst place for us to be at this time but we had no choice. It was a bad experience and Dr. F changed the way we did blood tests from then on.

Jenn, Lynn, Linda and Heather-Phoenix Flight sign for planes-2008

Same spot 2012

Lynn stayed with us at the ER all night long. We finally got home about 4am. Later that morning Lynn and Linda were leaving to go home. Lynn was a friend that Heather met through the Josh Turner Fan Club. They hit it off as BFF’s even thought they had never met. Heather flew to South Carolina to meet Lynn the summer of 2006. As a mom I was worried, I didn’t know anything about Lynn and here was Heather just flying off to go meet her. It turned out to be a wonderful and special relationship. Heather returned again in the summer of 2007. Lynn knew when she got on the plane in May of 2008 that she would never see Heather again. The prognosis was ok, we didn’t know if she was in remission but Heather has a long way to go and lots of chemo to survive.

Ahhh to have long hair

I would not trade Lynn and Linda getting the opportunity to come out to our house to visit and see Heather in her world. Heather was very happy to have her friends here and it took her mind off all the cancer and chemo she was enduring. For a few short days she got to be normal.

2 Charlie's Angels?

Awww here we go, all three

Being a mother has been one of the greatest accomplishments and joys in my life. I came up against every trial and tribulation that came my way and handled it the best I could. I was 42 at the time of Heather’s cancer diagnosis and nothing I mean NOTHING could have prepared me to become a nurse, care-giver and massive, mean, bear of a protector. I would be pushed and stretched beyond what I thought was possible. I had to listen and understand to what all the doctors and nurses were saying and keep it all straight. I held Heather at night when she was scared and cried. I gave up sleep to help her to the bathroom with a drug pump at night and then listen to all the beeping as the pump would think the line was clogged. I always felt like I had to be ready for anything that was planned and not planned. I walked out of my life to help my daughter survive cancer. I wish I could have buried my head in the sand and made it all go away, but that wouldn’t help me or Heather. She needed me and I needed to be whatever she needed me to be for her. I would give anything to go back to that time. Yes she would be fighting cancer and having horrible chemo, but she would be alive…

The holiday eventually became so highly commercialized that many, including its founder, Anna Jarvis, considered it a "Hallmark holiday," i.e. one with an overwhelming commercial purpose. Jarvis eventually ended up opposing the holiday she had helped to create. She died in 1948, regretting what had become of her holiday.

A mother's reflections from May 2008-CaringBridge entry..... Mother's Day is Sunday. This year...it has a whole new meaning. To be a momy fighting for your daughter's life, to be so close to her and feel so helpless. Remembering all the "baby" moments...when she was born, the first few days and weeks that I thought I would never survive. All too quickly she is 20...and Jenn is 22 and Wendy is 18. Where did the time go? I thought back then...if only I can survive till they are in high school...married...have babies..now all I want is to go back to those precious days of yesterday. Now if only SHE can survive.

Serious! Seriously???

There is that smirk I love

All moms know the "smell" of a newborns head. It has the "baby" smell. I know this is a mom thing...you rock them and feed them and smell the top of their heads. The smell that tells you this is your child...your one and only baby. Well...Heather has regained that smell. She handed me her hat to get into the shower. She asked me to smell it to make sure it did not smell...It was a flood of memories of when she was born...what a moment. Heather's baby smell was and is back. 

Some nice down time and not too hot

I love her little head so much. She looks so beautiful...I only see her as a baby...9 months...15 months...bald as a queue ball... she looks the same now as she did as a baby. I love her little head so much...I thought it would bother me to see her with no hair...but now...I can't remember her with hair. When she wears a wig it looks odd to me...she feels better and I want her to wear it if she wants to, but it is strange as I look at her, as I take care of her, as I take care of Jenn and Wendy too all I see as a momy is priceless moments. As tough as this time is and will be ... I honestly believe I have the best job ever.....Being Jenn, Heather and Wendy's momy. In the ever precious words of Heather... I am forever her MOMY!! One "M"..the extra M one is a waste in her eyes.

Heather and Miss Linda or Miss lulu

Many people have told me I am strong and courageous to do for Heather what I am doing. I have to say no..I am her momy and I am doing what I am supposed to do. I did not ask for this, but I will face it head on and be the strong mother of courage and not a coward to run and hide from this illness. How could a momy not rise to come to the aid of her hurting baby....no matter what age they are.

Always beautiful

In the United States, Mother's Day remains one of the biggest days for sales of flowers, greeting cards, and the like; it is also the biggest holiday for long-distance telephone calls. Moreover, churchgoing is also popular, yielding the highest church attendance after Christmas Eve and Easter. Many worshipers celebrate the day with carnations, red or pink if the mother is living and white if she is deceased.