December 10-Simply Another Day...

 Confessions of a Grieving Mother Blog

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A new year—a different year—a weird year, not sure what year yet. I can’t begin to describe the feeling it brings to say my daughter died last year. It is very strange to say that. It had always been she died this year. I have to stop and think before I say that statement. Before I know it will be she died 2 years—5 years—20 years ago. That seems like an eternity away. I cannot begin to think in terms of years yet. Maybe someday.

Happy Birthday Heather!!

Funny how I wrote these very words and here I am at marking the five year anniversary of celebrating Heather’s birthday without her. I did not think in those first few days, weeks and months after she died that I could ever be here. It seems like I cannot remember what has happened during all these days that have passed, it is a blur somehow. Some days feel like it has been a few days since Heather died and then others feel like it has been 50 years.

I still have no answers as to how to survive these dates that come and go. But every year there will be her birth and then her death day. Somehow whether I want to remember or not, my body has its own clock and already knows when the time is coming. Some years I want to go away and other years I want to stay home. It changes from year to year and that is okay. I am allowed to do whatever I feel I need to do to help me survive.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!

My wonderful son-(in-law) but he is my son, Sunnie or John Wesley has the same birthdate as Heather. This is a curse and a blessing as he never knows from year to year what the mood of the family will be. This year in the blink of an eye I had an idea and I ran with it. I wanted to give Sunnie a surprise birthday party. Suddenly what began as a cake with Wendy and Snookie changed to dinner and Jenn and Paz coming too. It was the best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle birthday party ever!! This party was held on Friday before the 10^th.It is hard to describe, but it felt good to have a reason to have a party, cake and gifts on December 10^th. Sunnie was shocked and surprised and had no idea it was coming so that made it even more wonderful for me. Of course we had the appropriate TMNT food which is pizza.

Happy 31st Birthday to my boy..

I booked a trip to Disneyland many months ago but as time got close I didn’t feel that I wanted to go. Of course now that I am here I am glad and it feels good. There have been a few tears that have fallen. Here it is late on December 9^th and I can feel the day already approaching for tomorrow. I made reservations at SteakHouse 55 at the Disneyland hotel for dinner tomorrow. I also told them we were celebrating our daughter’s birthday or at least the 5^th one without her. They will bring us dessert. I am not sure why this is important to me but it is. I want them to come to the table with a birthday song. They will not know the real reason, but I will. I am hoping to go see FROZEN again at the theater here in Downtown Disney. I will have the day I have tomorrow as that is all I can plan for now.

Do You Wanna Build A Snowman??

Next year the entire Coombe, Shannon, Galusha-Luna, Akers and Dennis families will be meeting at Walt Disney World on December 10^th to begin our celebration cruise. I count that next year will be the 5^th anniversary as the first year I stayed in bed till 2pm and wanted to be left alone. So, next year will be the 6^th, but for me it will be the 5^th one I have been able to celebrate.

Heather's Spot

Here is something really ironic about Heather’s birthday. My BFF Margie and her husband Duane were married on December 10^th, 1983. Then when I called Margie in March of 1986 to tell her Jenn had been born she told me she was pregnant. Their daughter Rochelle was born December 10^th, 1986. One year later on December 10^th, 1987 Heather was born. Rochelle is missing her mom for her 1^st birthday without her and the reality of Margie being gone is hitting home very hard for her. For Duane he is missing the love of his life and not able to celebrate their 30^th anniversary with her. She was his princess and the reality of the day is hitting home for him very hard as well. Interesting how one date in time can effect so many people’s lives with simply two beloved people dying way too early.