The Day After...

I had begun to prepare for the funeral a few weeks before. I knew that I would be presses for time and I didn’t want to rush any details in her final celebration. Falconer Funeral Home would be the one to take care of all the details as they had taken care of Beka and I really didn’t know where else to go. I called Chris Timothy, the funeral director, told him my situation and asked him if Heather died what I needed to do. I began to make notes about flowers, colors, music and what she would wear. The funeral would be in grand Duchess Princess style as was everything in my princesses life. So not knowing what the future held, I began to plan and make tiny steps in a direction I did not want to go in.

Monday morning I was very stoic as I called Falconer Funeral Home to talk to Chris. The moment he answered I lost it and burst into tears. I could not utter a word.  Chris asked if this was Heather’s mother. He remembered me from a few weeks earlier and told me he was very sorry. I finally composed myself and told him that we had made the decision to take her off life support. He told me all I had to do was call them , they would come to the hospital and get her body after we left.  He would call the next morning and have us come to the funeral home to make arrangements. I packed up Heather’s ball gown and her tiara in the car and headed to the hospital for what would be the last time.

Heather died at 9:45pm, Monday April 20, 2009

Program done by Falconer Funeral Home

So not knowing what the future held, I began to plan and make tiny steps in a direction I did not want to go in. The sleep Monday night I don’t honestly remember how and when I fell asleep. I woke in tears and remembered that this nightmare really was my life. Chris called just like he said he would and Bill and I had an appointment to meet with him at 11am. I packed Heather’s ball gown, her tiara, her shoes, necklace and earrings from the ball and her blond short haired wig. I had to stop at Walgreens and get fake fingernails and toenails. Heather never went anywhere dressy without her nails being done. This would be no different. When we arrived at the funeral home we were greeted by Chris. Now I had come face to face with the voice that was on the phone. He took the dress and reached for the bag of the accessories I had. In a protective jerk I moved the bag away from him and I said I needed to explain what was in the bag. I wasn’t ready for someone to have all of her most treasured things yet. It was strange to be in the same building as Heather was. At that moment in time we could not touch or see her.

Inside of program-I love My Porcelain Doll poem

I don’t really remember all the details of what happened in order, but I know that we first talked about when and where the service would be. We decided that the chapel at the funeral home was not going to be big enough for a funeral of this importance. We decided to go with Trinity Baptist Church.  I decided that Heather was not a morning person and so her funeral should not be in the morning either. We then had to decide all the details of the funeral such as open casket, closed casket, a viewing for public or just for family, music, slide show, pastors to speak, burial or cremation, newspaper article, flowers, programs for the funeral, picture for the paper, tapestry and the programs, limo service for the family, memorial book, type of casket and memory tables at the church. These are just a few of the decisions we made within hours of Heather’s death. These are decision that no parent should make about their 21 year old daughter.

So not knowing what the future held, I began to plan and make tiny steps in a direction I did not want to go in. We decided to have a full funeral with a private family viewing and an open viewing, with a casket and then have her cremated. We then had to pick a casket and an urn to hold her ashes. Chris explained all the options and left us to make the decision. We cried and talked and looked as we picked out a white princess like casket and a small urn with roses on it. Not knowing what we were really doing. When Chris came back he explained that the urn was for a baby and we needed a bigger one. I did not like anything they had there so I went with a heart biodegradable box for now. I also wanted a keepsake urn to always have some of Heather’s ashes close by as well. Chris had to give me a catalog to look at since I was not happy with any of the choices there. Then we began to pick out the urn and thumbprint necklaces. Finally we had to pick out the flowers. The funeral home was used to dealing with a local florist that did very nice arrangements. We got the casket spray from us, a huge standing bouquet from Jenn and Wendy and another standing one from Violet. These turned out to the most amazing flowers I have ever seen. This was a good choice. All the flowers had to be pink and mostly roses. All these decisions have to be made and sort of placed so that a final cost can be figured out. Half of the cost of the funeral has to be paid that day with the balance due prior to the funeral.

Program I designed, printed and put together

Celine Dion~Miracle

We were given several tasks to do when we returned home that day that had to be given attention immediately. The photo for the paper obituary, the program and the woven tapestry they make for the family. We also needed to get the slide show with all the photos and music selected by Thursday. Friday would be a private viewing with the public viewing and funeral on Saturday afternoon. So as we left the funeral home, I had left all the personal belongs there with all the instructions. I left the final celebration in the hands of the funeral director that I had met once. All my choices and decisions would be second guessed by me for days till I knew in my heart everything was perfect. I was not happy with just the small program that the funeral home was doing, I felt like I needed my own and I began working on it. So not knowing what the future held, I began to plan and make tiny steps in a direction I did not want to go in.

All about Heather

Our thanks to family, friends and staff

Tuesday was a blur and then we were busy Wednesday getting everything together and meeting with the pastors. Thursday we had to go back to the funeral home and make the final payment and go over the details one more time. Friday was the private viewing. All the flowers and tapestry were there. Heather was laid out in the casket just a beautiful as ever. She almost looked like she was sleeping. Saturday came and we were at the church, the service was ready to begin. As our family said goodbye for the final time, someone rushed in, took a look and touched her hand. I had to touch her hand one more time as I wanted my touch to be the last one. As we lined up in the foyer I began to walk behind the casket. So not knowing what the future held, I began to plan and make tiny steps in a direction I did not want to go in.  

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