Too Close To Home...

Define irony - a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous 

by a band that died in a plane crash. 

~Garland Greene~

Conair

Holidays are stressful in and of themselves. All the shopping for the perfect gift, holiday parties, secret Santa gifts and then comes the decorating, wrapping of gifts, holiday baking and finally ending with the actual holidays themselves. If you have out of town guests coming or family they can be ever more stressful. For a mother that is grieving the loss of a child the holidays hold no joy. I don't want to decorate, shop wrap presents or cook. I understand that life goes on and I still have the rest of my family. It is not the same and it never will be again. The holidays, especially Christmas, are all about families. Our Christmases were something that were very special. I shopped to find the perfect gifts for the girls. I then wrapped them in a certain order. We handed the girls one gift at a time to see their expression as they opened their gifts. I like to see the reaction to the gifts that have been lovingly picked for each girl. Christmas is a time that is a huge reminder that there is a hole in my heart, life and holidays where Heather used to be.

This week was to be filled with wrapping all the gifts that I ordered online. Shopping with all the holiday shoppers and checkers is not possible for me. Everyone asking if my shopping is finished? Did I find everything? Can I help you? What are your plans for Christmas? Have a Happy Holiday....I just cannot stand it. So..I order online and avoid the crowd as much as possible.

Mr. B under Christmas tree~2008

I need to go to the grocery store and get all the supplies for our holiday meal. Yes, I am going to cook again. Not doing all the homemade baking that I do. There is no joy in all the candies and cookies that I used to make. Someday there might be, but not right now. About the only thing that will get made will be chocolate caramel turtles. I like making those. It is something new that I made last year for the 1st time. As funny as it sounds it helps that Heather wasn't here during turtle making time. Something different.

Pea with Mr. B in July 2010

Mr. B, Heather's most loved bunny, has been having problems with peeing in his cage. He is a very, very clean little bunny and would never do this. I knew that something was wrong. I looked online and there were a couple of things it could be. The easiest would be a urinary tract or bladder infection. The worst of would be a stone blocking the flow of urine. Just when I thought I would have to take him to the vet, Mr. B got better. Till today...

When we came home from lunch I noticed that Mr. B was peeing all over his cage. He would lay down and pee. This is not his character at all. When he jumped into his litterbox and began really straining or pushing really hard to pee I knew he had to go in to see the vet today. So, off to the emergency vets office. Mr. B was in a lot of pain when I picked him up to put him in his kennel. Once we got there the vet did a urine test. The results were not good. There are lots of white cells and blood in his urine. Meaning there is an infection. Next step was an xray to see if he has a stone or just the infection. 

Mr. B. showing his dislike at the thought of the vets office

The xray showed the worst possible thing. Mr. B has a large stone the size of a gumball stuck in his urethra (the tube that carries urine out of the body from the bladder). This stone is the largest one the vet has ever seen in a small rabbit. The stone should also be in the bladder not in the urethra. It is lodged in the inner pelvis region. It is not possible to do surgery on the inner pelvic area of a bunny. The risk factor is too great. So under sedation today, the vet put a catheter in to move the stone back into the bladder. He was able to do this, however Mr. B pushed it right back to the same area again..

A drugged Mr. B

 Tomorrow, Mr. B will be having surgery to remove the stone. They will be placing a catheter to push the stone back, keep that there while they open him up to remove the stone. This all sounds simple and with cats and dogs is fairly easy.  Bunnies are a different story. They cannot be put under the same way, no tube can be put in their throat and they have to have food before and right after surgery. There is a chance that Mr. B due to his age might not survive the surgery. 

Poor lil bunny

It may not sound like much, but to be sitting an waiting while the vet did the procedure on Mr. B transported me right back to the days of waiting for test results on Heather. The coldness of the office reminded me of how bone cold I felt sitting in the hospital all those hours and days and weeks. Filling out the paperwork and really understanding very well the terms they are using. It really hit home when I had to sign a resuscitate or do not resuscitate for Mr. B. I was transported back to the 7th floor of Baywood and having the DNR paper put in front of me with Heather. I know that Mr. B is just a bunny, not a human. To me, he is a link to Heather. She loved him so and was so thrilled to get him for her 16th birthday. She loved bunnies so much.

He is just little~he is stoned..ha ha ha

So with so much to do right before Christmas...missing Heather something even more this time of year I am again thrust into caregiver for Mr. B. He has 3 different medications to be given once and twice a day. He also has special food I have to give him till he is able to eat a full diet on his own....

So the irony??...when it rains it pours??..when life is at it's busiest let's add one more thing??..Just in case you didn't think about Heather enough right now here is an extra reminder???