Heather is Always With Us...

I know you

I walked with you once upon a dream.

I know you

The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

Yes, I know it's true

That visions are seldom all they seem

But if I know you, I know what you'll do

You'll love me at once

The way you did once upon a dream...

~Once Upon A Dream~Sleeping Beauty

Despite what anyone may think, going on vacation does not make the thought of Heather leave my mind. Especially when we choose to take a vacation at Disneyland. Heather most favorite place in the whole entire world. I feel very close to Heather being at Disneyland. All the memories of all the trips we took there with her come flooding back to my mind. The late nights that she would beg me to stay and close down the park with her. Usually Bill, Jenn, Heather and I would all ride Pirates of The Caribbean. Then Bill and Heather would race off to Indiana Jones while Jenn and I raced off to Haunted Mansion. Bill would then go main Street to take photos or back to the hotel. Heather would run to meet Jenn and me at It's A Small World.  This is usually done in the last 45 minutes before the park closes. Bill and /or Jenn would then head across the street to the hotel. Heather and I would stroll arm in arm shopping till about 1am. The best time to be at Disneyland. Nearly everyone is gone at that point. 

This time was no exception. On Thursday Bill wore his In memory of my daughter shirt with the lime green cancer ribbon on it. I wore my lime green shirt that says my daughter is a fighter. For some reason I can't wear my in memory of my daughter shirt...But the fighter shirt is my favorite one. You can tell as you stand in the lines that people are reading your shirt. Most people read and turn away or look down. As we stood in line at the Peter Pan ride I finally had a lady tell me how sorry she was. She also asked me how old she was. She touched my arm and told me it must be very hard and she was sorry once again. About 10 minutes later the lady right in front of me told me she finally had to ask what happened to her. She had a tear in her eye as I told her a small version of the story. She told she she was very sorry. Bill and I felt very much that Heather was standing in line with us at that moment.

Heather's Spot

As the afternoon got warm I decided to go into the shops on Main Street while Bill went to take photos. When Bill came back he told me the most interesting story of Manuel...Manuel is a Disney photographer and was at the castle. He saw Bill and came to talk to him because of the memory shirt he was wearing. He asked Bill how old Heather was. He said he lost his son at 21. He asked Bill how long it had been since she died. Manuel said that he must be a very strong person to be at Disneyland in such a short amount of time. Bill explained that this was Heather's favorite place in the whole world. His son was murdered in Puerto Rico 15 years ago...Manuel was living in New York at the time. He hugged Bill twice and told him to bring his wife back tomorrow..he would be taking photos at the castle till 5pm. 

The next day we went back. Manuel was busy taking photos of people in front of the castle. He had his relief photographer there to give him a break. Manuel looked at Bill with no recognition...then he looked again and said.."be right with you..look out now..this guy is trouble". Manuel told his relief that he would take these two and then go. He hugged me,told me he had talked to Bill yesterday, was sorry for our loss and asked to see a photo of Heather. Manuel took several photos of us in front of the castle. Then we asked for a photo with him. He had to go on his break but was so happy we came back. He told us to come back again..he wanted information to stay in contact. We came back in the afternoon but didn't see him there again.

Manuel, Sherry and Bill

The same night we went to California's new World of Color water show. We got there about an hour early to stand to hold a not so good spot to see. Usually as you wait people begin to talk with all the people around them. The two groups in front of me began to talk. I listened and just stayed out of it for the most part. However when the one lady explained that her 19 nephew has just been murdered and she was at a loss of what to do, I had to speak up. I began by saying I couldn't help overhearing....but as a mother that has lost a child...I told her the best she could do as family is to be there to listen to them. No judgment just tell them you love them and are there if they ever want to talk. Told them to talk about their nephew with them...they will want to talk about him and hear his name. Don't act like he just never existed on the planet. Their son lived and they need to talk about him. Tell her sister she loves her and then listen. I told her to encourage her sister not to get rid of anything for about a year..box it all up or leave it the same there is no wrong way to do anything. Then mentioned to her about the memory quilt I made from Heather's clothes. She told me it was a wonderful idea. She hugged me several times before she left...told me thank you for talking to her..

Even though Heather is not here anymore. I never have felt her presence more that day. It just seemed like everyone that would talk to us wanted to know about our daughter. What did the green and orange stand for. Never imagined that would happen if we wore the shirts. Have worn them around town and never get a word. It is nice to me that Heather is still very much alive. Everyday we get closer to her memory getting less clear. Everyday she slips a little further from our lives and memories. I know this is normal. It just doesn't feel like it should be normal.

On the Mark Twain Riverboat

The song is from Disney's Sleeping Beauty. Heather loved Sleeping Beauty for many reasons; Aurora had long blonde hair...she had a pink ball gown...her friends included bunnies...and she lives in the castle in Disneyland. For me, Heather is Aurora because when she first died, everyone that came in said she looked like a sleeping princess...Heather wore a blue ball gown as did Aurora...Heather had such a beautiful voice and loved to sing...and Heather now lives in a castle beyond belief..and is a true princess..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjegSDxnVX0&feature=related

Aurora statues with Heather's ashes in the white box with her taira