The moment I wake out of a deep sleep and begin to stir, the reality hits me that my nightmare I think I am dreaming about is really my life. Heather really is gone and she is not coming back. I look at pictures and they seem so real. She can't be really gone, she is just on vacation somewhere. Well, she is on vacation...a long vacation. Some days are ok and others are really bad. There are some good moments of the day. I think as time goes on, it becomes the new normal. But I was told by a dear friend to remember that..."Normal is only a setting on a dryer".
When Heather would talk on her cell phone, she would go outside and sit or lay in our glider in the backyard. She has one friend that she would talk to for hours. Rain, heat or cold she would be out on the glider swinging and talking. The other night very late I let the dog out. The swing was moving slowly in the breeze that was blowing. I stepped outside and thought about how many times she would be in that swing. I could see her there. Where is she, she should be there. The swing is empty and so is the place in my heart that she holds.
I do enjoy my Lil Pea. She seems to change everyday. She is on the verge of crawling and is the best and happiest baby I have ever seen. I am not sure what we would be doing right now if we did not have Pea. She is such a joy to have living here with us. I know her Aunt Missy would have loved watching her grow, being able to be on the floor and play with her. Today, Wendy put Pea's hair in tiny piggie tails. She was so adorable. Even more that usual. I know most grandparents think that their grand child is the best and cutest. I don't know if my Princess Pea is the cutest and smartest and most adorable, but I know she fills a place that hurts in my heart that only she could touch right now. She gives us all a reason to get up and come home everyday.
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