I have mentioned time and time again that dates are very
important. If it is a really life altering event the day, date, time and place
may stay with you forever like your wedding day or the day your children were
born. I feel like days and dates have always been engrained in my life from the
very beginning and my mind seems to remember them whether I want to or not,
especially when it comes to events, days and dates that have changed my life.
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| Grave decorated for Easter, but will be changed for the 20th |
For 24 year April 10th had been the anniversary
date for Margaret and AC Coombe. This was a very important date for them as
they got married on this day over 50 years ago. We, as their kids, were not
supposed to forget this day even though it was not my wedding anniversary. The
date became bittersweet when mom died in 2005 but it became a day like any
other day to me UNTIL…….
Thursday, April 10th, 2008…this became the day
that would change my life and my family’s life forever. But my life was not the
only one that was changed that day. April 10th many years ago my BFF
Sandy’s mother died. Now I remember when she called to tell me her mom died but
I did not remember the exact date. On that exact same date in 2008, Sandy’s
daughter, Brandy, found out she was having twins. So even before this date
changed my life forever, it had change Sandy’s life already. As I made my calls
that afternoon Sandy’s life was going to change again, just neither one of us
knew just how much this would touch us.
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| The light burns in the window for 33 days |
Other memorable things that happened on April 10th
in the past are some of the following:
1925 – The
Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald is first published in New York City, by
Charles Scribner's Sons.
1964- Disneyland It's A Small World opened for the first time
1970 – Paul
McCartney announces that he is leaving The Beatles for personal and professional reasons.
1979 – Red
River Valley tornado outbreak: A tornado lands in Wichita Falls, Texas killing
42 people.
1981-
Computer glitch keeps Space Shuttle Columbia grounded
1989- H.J.
Heinz, Van Camp Seafood and Bumble Bee Seafood say they would not buy tuna
caught in nets that also trap dolphins.
2010- The
American company Apple, Inc. announces it is worth over $600 billion dollars,
making the technology company the largest in the world by market capitalization.
Now, April 10th, had been forever changed in my
life. This is the day I knew bad news was coming I just had no idea how bad and
how fast it was going to come. I was caught off guard and unprepared. Until
April 10th, I had no idea that chemo could require a week long hospital
stay, included chemo injected into your spine or that my then 20 year old
daughter could be the bravest person I have ever known. Looking back now I don’t
know how we did it. The only thing I know is that when you are in the moment
you do what you have to do to survive.
So, April the 10th maybe just an average day to
the world but to me it is day my world stopped for a moment in time, I saw
everything in slow motion and then time began again. I no longer remember that
it is Margaret and AC’s wedding anniversary. This was and is a day that haunts
my memory and mind and will do so till the day I die. I cannot force my brain
to forget and I cannot act like it is just another normal day no matter how
much time has gone by.
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| Wendy's black/white and hot pink afghan |
My life is divided into three time frames; life before
cancer, life during cancer and life after Heather died. As time goes on, my
memories of most things fade, but not those of cancer or Heather. My greatest
fear is that others have forgotten her. To me it is very reassuring to hear
someone mention Heather’s name. If only people realized I cannot forget Heather
or what happened to her. It was horrible, awful and no one should watch their
child go through such torture and pain. I am sorry that the words cancer and
Heather and death bother people, but please remember I am living and dealing
with a life I didn’t choose. I am surviving the best way I know how to.
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| Snookie's FROZEN afghan with cat approval |
As the 5th anniversary of Heather’s death is
racing towards me I have had to do things to help me cope and deal with this
milestone year. I am sorry that Easter has to be on the same day as well.
Easter will not be celebrated by me this year. It seems in poor taste to
celebrate a holiday on the day my Heather died. I just cannot do it. I had
another glass bead made for my bracelet and a hand blown glass rose both which
are made with ashes in them. I also bought an Easter egg charm for this year as
these two days will not happen together until after 2020.
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| new stunning bead for my bracelet |
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| beautiful rose made with ashes |
I also began a crocheting project. The flower for a 5th
anniversary is a daisy and of course I found a daisy granny square pattern. I
am making squares as fast and as many as I can during the 33 days that Heather
was in the hospital. I have taken this project to Disneyland, to the home
opening DBack’s game and many other places. To date I have completed one pink
daisy afghan that has 60 squares (to mark the 60 months that Heather has been
gone), a bright mutli-colored one for my NEW GRANDDAUGHTER-ELINOR SADIE coming
in August. (yes just found out even though Mimi had the afghan done weeks ago) and
Snookie’s FROZEN afghan is finished but needs a border and I am nearly halfway finished
with Wendy’s black and white with hot pink afghan. This has been something to
keep me busy and make others happy. I really like the pattern and may continue
to make more.
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| My pink afghan and "Ellie's" baby afghan |
My book, “Confessions Of a Grieving Mother” PASSED the final
content evaluation on April 8th. I had to make many changes last
week to over 100 parts of the book and deleted two photos and replaced three
photos. The book will be released in the next few days. Many more things will
be coming as I get ready for a small, intimate gathering for the 20th.
I have purchased the lighted balloons and the cake has been designed and it
should be an okay time. This year is different, I feel very different and I am not sure why the 5 year mark makes it seem more real than it was before, but it does. I am once again in a fog of depression that will go as soon as the time has passed till the next year, and the next and the next.
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