Balloons and Books....

Historically April 19^th & 20^th are the most terrible days of the year which is ironic since the 20^th is National Smoke Pot day. Our country especially has suffered unspeakable tragedy on these dates.

            Waco : April 19^th, 1993

            Oklahoma City Bombing : April 19^th, 1995

Hilter was born April 20^th, 1889

Ludlow Massacre : April 20^th, 1914

Korean Air Flight 902 shot down by Soviets : April 20^th, 1978

Columbine : April 20^th, 1999 (Heather died on the 10^th anniversary)

BP Oil Spill : April 20^th 2010

It seems only right that these two days happen to be the worst for our family and for me personally. That Sunday morning, April 19^th, 2009 I awoke not knowing that my entire world was going to be turned upside down. It began with the news that my brother-in-law, Rusty, had died. Bill and I had very little time to grieve for Rusty and try to process that news before we got our NEWS. The news that no parent wants to hear EVER, the news that there was no hope and we needed to decide. Needed to decide what? How was that possible? Seriously, until that moment, I had a few bad feelings in the back of my mind, but now I heard them out loud.

The stained glass daisy pattern Heather drew but never made

This year Easter and Heather’s 5^th day anniversary were the same day. Again how is that possible? I began to think about parents that had children die on Valentine’s Day or Christmas Day. How could they survive the advertisements with their child’s death day on every media outlet possible? Every email, television commercial and store had Heather’s death date glaring at me.  

Heather's signature and heart etched in silver

As the 5th anniversary got closer I knew I had to do something special and different. I did lots of research and found out the 5th anniversary flower is a daisy and the modern gift for the day is silver. I found a stained glass pattern that Heather had drawn but never made any daisies. So I decided to make some for the girls and a few very close friends. Then I had Heather's signature and heart etched into a bar of silver as a charm for Jenn and Wendy. These keepsakes turned out unbelievably stunning.

the centerpiece for the table with Heather's tiara in the center

I decided to have a small gathering to mark this most important milestone. I wanted to release lighted balloons and place luminaries so that I felt that Heather was remembered. I had an amazing cake created by a local cake maker named Cake By Heather. It seemed only fitting that the cake to be served at a gathering for Heather should be made by someone named Heather. This cake did not disappoint and was the “crowning glory” to my perfectly set table. (Everyone know me and my party planning, no detail is too small)

the most stunning cake ever

beautiful quilting and perfect

The day began slow as the day finally arrived. I did not want any Easter greetings or celebrating on the 20^th. We had gone out to Red Robin as a family on the 19^th to “celebrate.” I stayed busy which was probably a good thing, but the memories of those days 5 years ago were not dulled. They are ever fresh and vivid in my mind. Try as I might I cannot keep my thoughts from going to what I was doing at this time or that time. Maybe someday…it will be different, but I doubt it.

lighted balloons are so amazing to see

I am beyond proud to announce that “Confessions of a Grieving Mother” book is now available at amazon and barnes and noble.com. It comes standard in paperback, hardback and kindle book. I am very proud of this book and hope that it will be a help to grieving families. It was very surreal to hold this book as my picture is on the front and this is my journey, this is mine, personally.

luminaries placed by Sally angel

The 5^th anniversary has come and gone and somehow the moment that day is over I feel better. I am sure that you could ask any of the families of the events that at Columbine, Waco or the OK City Bombing and they would tell you that time does not heal these types of wounds. I can learn to live through it but I will never learn to like that I have too.

my book at the place where my journey began