Tragedy In The News...

No mother should outlive her child,

That’s not how things were meant to be…

They’re supposed to grow and marry,

And bring grandchildren to my knee…

Some things I just don’t understand,

My heart has been ripped out…

Is it wrong to feel so angry,

I just want to scream and shout…

My throat feels like I’ve swallowed glass,

Such a deep ache always there…

Life seems to go on in slow motion

But I’m just too numb to care…

My mind’s finely tuned to special things,

Times we spent together…

You’ll always be my treasured child,

And stay in my heart forever…

~Mary G~

The news this week has been heartbreaking, unlike any other week of the year. But it seems that two stories stand out to me that should not be happening right before Mother’s Day. The first story is about the 3 women held for a decade captive in a house. While this is a horrible story, I was moved by a side story about this tragedy Amanda Berry’s mother, Louwanna Miller. Psychic Sylvia Browne, who has made a career of televised psychic readings, told Louwanna Miller on a 2004 episode of the show that her daughter was dead, causing Miller to break down in tears on the show's set. "She's not alive, honey," Browne told Miller on the show, according to the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper. "Your daughter's not the kind who wouldn't call. Miller told the newspaper that she believed "98 percent" in what Browne told her. Miller died a year later from heart failure. This poor mom never got to see the day this week when her daughter and now granddaughter have been found alive. I can’t imagine her shock when she arrived in heaven (hopefully) and Amanda was not there.

The second story is not to bring any more attention to Jody Arias, but to her mother and to Travis’s mother. How can you not be heartbroken that your child may die? I do believe that Jody is guilty; I also believe she should never ever be released and should possibly be put to death for her awful, evil crime. We will never know what happened to Travis and what Jody’s motive was. Two mothers this week are involved in this case. Travis’s mother has wanted someone to pay for her son’s death, while another mother’s child could be put to death because of it.

I am thankful to say that I do not know how it feels to have a child kill someone, or act out in some other horrible way towards society. My three girls were not perfect and I never believed them to be. But they have been for the most part law abiding people in society. This is not to say that the girls and I have always seen eye to eye about everything. We have had our spats, but never anything that could question my love for them. One of my girls took the hard road to find her way to adulthood. While I did not support her actions of some things she did, my love and support was never in question. That never wavered.

My girls have known from the day they could understand it, that I was their biggest supporter and cheerleader. I have never ever stopped loving and supporting them. I always told them I don’t like your actions but I always love you. I don’t believe there is anything that can stop a mother’s love. Oh wait, giving up for adoption means you never want to see that child again. I forgot. Well, the good news for my girls is that I am NOT my gestational unit. I wasn’t raised that way. I stand by the words, “there is nothing they could ever do to make me stop loving them. PERIOD!

As Mother’s Day gets closer I have mixed feelings like always. My childhood was never one of celebrating my mother, any of them. I am in a way jealous of my girls…they have a great mother. I don’t mean that to be funny. I mean that statement. I have never had the support and love of a mother. No matter what, Jenn and Wendy and quickly snookie know they can call me and I am here.

If you know a mom that has had a child die don’t forget her this Mother’s Day. Don’t act like this day doesn’t exist. It does exist and it is a very difficult day to spend without your child. Here are some hints as to what you might be able to do or give to make her day just a bit easier.

1. Recognize that they are a mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother's Day". Send a card to let them know you remember they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.

2. Acknowledge they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you.”

3. Use their child's name in conversation: One mother responded, "People rarely speak his name anymore, but when they do it’s like music to my ears".

4. Plant a living memorial: A tree or rose bush, like memories, will grow in beauty as the years pass.

5. Visit the grave site: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child's grave site and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.

6. Light a candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of their child on Mother's Day.

7. Share a memory or pictures of the child: Give the gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the "greatest gift you can give is a heartfelt letter about my child and a favorite memory with them".

8. Send a gift of remembrance: Many mothers felt a small gift would be comforting. Suggestions included: an angel statue, jewelry, a picture frame, a library book or toy donation in the child’s name or anything personalized.

9. Don't try to minimize the loss: Avoid using any clichés that attempt to explain the death of a child. ("God needed another angel.") Secondly, don't try to find anything positive about the loss ("You still have two healthy children").

10. Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort" according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered.

~The Comfort Company~