Feels Like Home To Me...

The heavy summer sun blocking curtains have come down and the light of the day can now fill the house. All the furniture that once was a light color has been spray painted a dark walnut. The smell of sweet cinnamon pumpkin fills the air, there are a few pumpkins scattered around the house, fall placemats are on the table. The house remodeling is finished and everything is put back in its place and it feels…it feels…GOOD. Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life; feels like home to me…

As difficult as it is to see the house we built with our kids change, it is feeling very good to me. I still remember picking the tile and carpet for our first ever house we built from the ground up. It was quite a major accomplishment in our lives. For the first time ever we would have three full bathrooms and our master bedroom would be more like a master suite. Our first house had Bill’s clothes in Heather’s closet and mine in Wendy’s. We had never had our own private bathroom either. I remember coming on a weekly basis to see the progress. At times it seemed like there was none. I remember our first night in the house where we learned our heat did not work and we had no blinds or shaded for the windows. (Bare windows allow LOTS of light in) Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life; feels like home to me…

Our first remodeling job was the hall bathroom right before Heather’s graduation. The toilet had leaked, but we didn’t know that, and ruined the floor all the way under the bathtub. Because of the weakened floor the tub actually popped a piece of porcelain off the bottom of the tub. We just thought the tub needed to be replaced. Famous last words!! The actual plywood floor, the tub and the entire bathroom flooring had to be replaced. Of course this called for an entire repainting and new shower curtain for the new bathroom. It was such a good feeling to have a new bathroom and new flooring. Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life; feels like home to me…

My home growing up was in terrible shambles. It was a piece mill house to begin with and my step mother was not a house keeper. My parents never had the money to do anything. My Daddy worked odd jobs and always seemed to get sick and then get fired. The house needed new flooring, new plumbing, new heating, new bathroom so basically gutted and started over. My Daddy died and never saw this happen. My step mother sold the house and moved into her mother house after she died. When I went to see the house the last time someone had purchased it and totally remodeled the house inside and out. I so desperately wanted to go knock on the door and ask if I could see the changes. But chickened out. If I ever get back to Farmington again, I will go this time and knock on the door. My house was special, it even had a bomb shelter in the garage. Yes, a cement walled and metal door bomb shelter. It felt like home to me, It felt like I was all the way back where I belong…

The bathroom remodeling job was in May 2005 and nearly 7 years later I called Tempe Dzign Center to see if I could get the same vinyl flooring for our master bathroom as in the hall bathroom. They had done such a good before I knew I wanted to use them again. As luck would have it the same wood looking vinyl flooring was still available. So we began the first portion of flooring to be replaced in our house. Our master bathroom went from carpet to wonderful vinyl flooring and a new toilet. It really changed the look and feel of the bathroom and is wonderful. But the real reason was to replace our toilet. It has never flushed right and so with a new toilet came the new flooring. Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life; feels like home to me…

Carpeting and stairs never go together and our house was no different. After nearly 19 years of carpeted stairs they needed a change. When Tempe Dzign came to do our bathroom flooring I had them measure the hallway and the stairs. Of course the stairs are nearly the most expensive part to floor in the entire house. I wanted laminate so that we would not have to replace the carpet again. The hallway was long with many difficult cuts and angles. Our installer Daniel was a perfectionist and did a beyond fantastic job with the install. It really changed the look of the entire upstairs. Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life; feels like home to me…

Our house in Minnesota was a lot of work. All the flooring had to be ripped up and new put in. Hint, don’t put real hardwood floors in a house in Minnesota with all the snow and ice. It really doesn’t work well. Not only was the flooring a nightmare but Jenn and Heather’s rooms had to have the sheet rock ripped out and new put in. Wallpaper from the living room and entire 2-story entryway had to be torn off as well. This left holes in the walls that had to be repaired and sanded. It was several weeks of work. But I really loved my “country” home. It felt like home to me, felt like I was all the way back where I belong…

For the house that we built here in Arizona we put tile flooring in thinking that it would last forever. Well it did last nearly 19 years but it had cracks and breaks in it that we were not expecting. Not sure if it was cheap tile, poor installation or just what caused the cracks and breaks in the tile, but it was outdated and needed to go. Taking out tile is a very very messy job. We found a tile removal place that does this with no dirt or dust anywhere in your house. Yes, it truly worked. The tile was torn out and the floor smoothed for the laminate to be laid down. The days of the house being torn up was worth every minute of it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new look and feel of the house. It changed the entire look of the house and made it more warm and modern feeling.  Carpeting will be next but for now I am getting used to the beautiful new look of my flooring. If feels like home to me, it feels like home to me. It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong…

The heavy summer sun blocking curtains have come down and the light of the day can now fill the house. All the furniture that once was a light color has been spray painted a dark walnut. The smell of sweet cinnamon pumpkin fills the air, there are a few pumpkins scattered around the house, fall placemats are on the table. The house remodeling is finished and everything is put back in its place and it feels…it feels…GOOD. Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life; feels like home to me…

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed.  ~Linda Wooten

In the natural order of life, babies are born; they grow up, get married, have a family, and grieve as their mother and father die. That is the way life is supposed to work. But many families are torn from the natural order when a child dies. This could be natural, illness or accident. It upsets the way the world spins on its axis. NOTHING is ever the right way again. Relationships, futures and my very existence on the planet are changed forever. I cannot change my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Despite how many people tell me to GET OVER IT…Just what the hell is the IT is am supposed to get over? Can someone who has had a child die tell me how they have gotten over it? Is there a mother out there who has experienced this kind of a loss that has actually gotten over it? I would like to meet her. I can’t change what happened, I can’t go back, I can’t bring Heather back and I can’t be the same woman, mother and person I was before April 20, 2009. I am sorry that this comes as a shock to everyone.

I am not sure why it is so important to me that Ashley Lowry’s grave be marked with flowers and remembered. She wasn’t my daughter I really didn’t know her. But because Heather loved her I care. Because Ashley was a daughter and her mother is gone I care. Because I am who I am, I care. So this week I found more than what I bargained for when I found Heather’s school memory book. I found I had kept Ashley’s obituary, the program from her funeral and the letter the school sent home. When I saw these I sat and cried, bawled actually. I was so overcome with emotions. Mostly that I had cared enough to save these things in the first place and then that finally I know when Ashley was born and when she died. Her marker only has the years on it, not the actual month and day. Ashley and Heather shared the same middle name of Nicole. Jenn told me this was one of the reasons why Heather loved her. Ashley was born June 29, 1988 and died May 25, 1995. I can now honor and remember her special dates each year.

Moving On...

“I’ll never understand why Kate had to die and we all got to live. There’s no reason for it, I guess. Death’s just death – nobody understands it.”

 ~My Sister’s Keeper~

“People often give us the impression that we should try to "move on" and not bring up such memories.  Yet, we don't want to give up any of the memories as they are all part of what

I don't want to forget those memories, no matter how painful.  I cannot erase them from my mind's eye, and I don't want to.  I don't get any new memories of my sweet girl

We are passed two years without our girl, but she lives in our lives every day.  She is spoken of every day in our house.  Others are often uncomfortable when we speak about her, and we really don't care anymore how it makes others feel.  The momentary discomfort doesn't come close to the daily pain we feel, and if talking about her makes us feel better; we are going to do it.  The discomfort others feel is like falling off a bike and skinning a knee.  We feel amputated; a part has been taken from us to never be returned.  If we feel better by talking about life before the loss, or even the pain after, we will do it,

and in the process probably make our circle even smaller.”

~Elizabeth’s Mommy~ Caring Bridge 8/5/12~

   “Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall.” 

~My Sister’s Keeper~

At almost this exact moment 2 years ago, I felt my baby's last heartbeat. My heart ached with the thought of living without him for the rest of my life, but I knew he was finally at peace and in perfect glory! In that moment, I lost a part of myself, and I will never have that back. I am an amputee, and though my wounds may seem healed, I will never be the same. I can live my life, and even live it well, but I will never be completely whole. Yet I am still so grateful that I got to be Gabe's mom, and that I got to know the amazing little boy he was, 

and I wouldn't trade that for ANYTHING! 

~Gabriel’s Mommy~Caring Bridge 8/11/12~

It is amazing to me that two other mother’s that I follow on CaringBridge have described the feeling of losing their child nearly the same. To the best of my knowledge they have never met and do not know each other. But I feel that all grieving mothers feel the same way. 

“Seeing her there unresponsive makes me realize that silence has a sound. “

~My Sister’s Keeper~

Moving on is the most difficult part. It is the hanging on and letting go all at the same time being stretched in two directions at the same time. Moving on can be as simple as going back to a restaurant that Heather loved or it can be as big as moving or remodeling the house. Moving on is part of the changing part of the grieving process. To stay the same is the not improve. So as difficult as the moving on and changing is…it is all part of recovery. Mind you that recovery for me will never be complete this side of heaven. I will never be whole again. I will never stop grieving. EVER!!!

Our life the past few weeks has been full on moving on changes. Beginning with Jenn finding a guy she is very serious about to my and Bill’s vacation to Alaska to tearing out the tile to lay laminate in our downstairs and ending with Wendy and Sunnie’s wedding in early October.. It appears to be a season of change for our family right now.

Jenn has reconnected with a friend she met 4 years ago-Paz(pronounced paws-dog paws). Interesting thing is that Paz and his sister Luz both knew Heather.  Things appear to be very serious with these two and we need to wait to see what big things maybe planned soon. Paz recently moved back to the Phoenix area but has had a health issue come up. He is back on his feet and has found a job and will be moving forward. For a short amount of time Paz will be staying with us just till he can get back into the full swing of things again. This has been a growing experience as I am not used to having anyone in the house and having a schedule. Funny how fast you get used to be empty nesters.

Bill and I took our first ever cruise with our dear friends Derek and Lara for our anniversary. It was a Disney cruise to Alaska on the ship The Wonder. The Wonder is based on Ariel The Little Mermaid. It was an amazing experience and I highly recommend Alaska to anyone. It is beyond words as to how beautiful it is. We visited Skagway, Juneau and Ketchikan and went by ship, train, boat, tram and floatplane to see the sites. Yes, for all those wondering I wore my tiara every night for dinner and was treated like a princess. I even got called princess by several of the staff members. I have actually already booked our next  Disney cruise for next September for our 30^th anniversary. This one will be going to the Caribbean and Disney’s private island on the ship The Fantasy. This ship is based on a 1930’s flapper Minnie Mouse. We are leaving from Florida and will return to spend a few days at Disney World since we are out that direction.

   “I have never understood why it is called losing a child. 

No parent is that careless. 

We all know exactly where our sons and daughters are; 

we just don't necessarily want them to be there.”

~My Sister’s Keeper~

Changing the house is always different in many different ways. I was thinking back to the fact that I began remodeling in December with the kitchen and wow have we come a long way in a year. The kitchen, painting the hall bathroom, new floor in our master bathroom, laminate down the hall and stairs and finally removing the tile and having laminate put in. If you know anything about tile, it is very difficult to remove and beyond messy. The amount of dust and dirt that gets all over your house is just incredible. After I realized that I would in no way be able to remove the tile and thinset we began looking for alternative ways to have this done.  Online we found a guy who has a revolutionary new way to remove tile-VITURALLY DIRT AND DUST FREE!!! Yes you heard me right. He has hepa vacuums on all his equipment and is going for a patent for his incredible system.

Yesterday, Tuesday September 25 was tile removal day. It took 3 guys a little over 4 hours to remove nearly 500 sq ft of tile and thinset. There is not a speck of dirt or dust anywhere in my house. I sat in my family room the whole time and didn’t sneeze nor was I covered in dust. It is the best way I know of to have your tile removed quickly and literally mess free. Our neighbors told me they are still getting dust after nearly 3 months after they took their tile out.. If you have ever been to my house you know that I have knick knacks EVERYWHERE!!! Not to mention the paintings and the grand piano. I am very happy with our choice to have tile removed the clean way. Laminate is being installed as I write this. Take about 3 days. I will be glad to have my fridge back in the kitchen and not in the living room. It is beyond weird to go to the living room for water or something to eat.

Wendy and Sunnie officially got hitched in June, but wanted to have a wedding. So family and friends will join on 10/11/12 to celebrate their wedding. It will is a Halloween themed wedding which is appropriate since it is October. They have some really cute ideas and things they are doing. It will be such fun to see how it all comes together.

During the middle of all this going on Bill took a trip to Dallas second week of Sept and then has been in Long Island NY this week for business. Because of his travels this meant the appliances and toilet downstairs had to be removed on Saturday even though tile was not removed till Tuesday. I was glad that everyone found different places to stay since the house is being torn up for so long. Hopefully by the weekend things will be returning to normal…or whatever our lives are now.

While all these things sound fun, exciting, stressful and different it drives home the point that life if moving on. Not that it is bad to do that, change under the best circumstances is difficult but to know that Heather will never see all the changes it hard to fathom. The house and neighborhood are still the same but Heather is gone. Of course coming into the fall is always different as well. It really doesn’t matter how much time has gone by, when dates come along I go right back to things like it was 5 minutes ago. I think the traumatic events will stay with me forever. I can’t help it, I don’t like them but they come flooding back in no matter what I do. Then when they do I need to talk about them. Not many people like to listen to my stories and horrors anymore. They have heard them and it is repeating. But for me it is my life, my past and I cannot change it.

   “There should be a statute of limitation on grief. A rulebook that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass - if only because it cuts you fresh again to see it. That it's okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays.”

~My Sister’s Keeper~

Being Late at the Gate...

Heather was running late..

to meet Her Grandad at the gate..

her long hair was flowing...

her smiles and giggles were growing..

my heart is about to burst...

with jealousy because her gets to hug her first...

Drawing by Heather

A.C "Buckshot" Coombe

June 29, 1927-August 16, 2012

Heaven has a new fisherman; A.C. went home with the love of his family and wife surrounding him. He was a devoted husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather and brother. He loved to fish, camp, laugh give M&M's to his grandkids and enjoyed time with his family and friends. A.C. never knew a stranger. He will truly be missed and always in our hearts.

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9 

BLOWN AWAY....

There’s not enough rain in Oklahoma
To wash the sins out of that house
There’s not enough wind in Oklahoma
To rip the nails out of the past

Shatter every window till it’s all blown away,
Every brick, every board, every slamming door flown away
Till there’s nothing left standing,
Nothing left to yesterday
Every tear-soaked whiskey memory blown away,
Blown away

~Blown Away-Carrie Underwood~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJgoHgpsb9I

I have been hearing this song on the radio and I could not figure out why it spoke to me. I listened to the words and it made no sense. I could not put a connection between Heather and this song like what usually happens. Then it dawned on me on August 1st…August 1^st..exactly one month till my birthday and I knew deep in my gut what this song was about to me.

I called Harry for the very 1^st time on my 39^th birthday. That was the day I spoke to my birth father for the very first time. I thought that maybe this was the beginning of a father/daughter relationship that would bring some understanding to my life. Why am I that way I am? Why do I do thing the way I do..etc. It is very difficult to explain to look at family photos and never see yourself in your parents. You don’t look like anyone. When you look in the mirror you see you, no mother, father or siblings looking back.

My adopted parents were only children, so I had no aunts, uncles or cousins. I had no brothers or sisters. Everyone who knew me as a child is dead or just were not a part of my life. I have no one to ask when I walked or what I did on vacations. What about the cars we owned. I have no details about my childhood except for the memories I think I have in my head. The only person I have known for a long time is my BFF Sandy. We met at the end of 1^st grade when I was allowed to attend JoBeth’s class for the last week of school. We have been friends for 41 years. She is the only one living on the planet that knew me as a child. But she was a child herself and lived so far from my house that she doesn’t have details like family would have. I have no one that knows me, knows my past, or knows anything that happened to me growing up. It is a very lonely feeling.

I went to visit Harry for the first time on my 40^th birthday. This was the day I made the first trip to Iowa to visit Harry. I thought that maybe this was the beginning of a loving relationship that I could cherish for as long as I was able to enjoy this relationship. It was a few days of receiving a birthday card every day,  having Harry buy me lots of things at Knotts Camp Snoopy, and giving me a large Kohl’s gift card to spend. He took great pride in “showing” me off to everyone. Like a proud father or so I thought. In my mind this was one of the best birthdays ever to be with my actual birth parent and to feel special. In Harry’s mind this was the first time he saw me get into his car in a denim short skirt and he decided he wanted to have sex with me. Not exactly the same feelings and emotions for the day.

This song is speaking about ripped down a house filled with sin. Ripping it down to the very foundation it stands on. It is symbolic to me because Harry is a very sick sick sexual pervert that has victimized women his whole life. While it is not my place to pass judgment on him for his life, I really would like some kind of justice to come to a man who has no conscience about having sex with his own flesh and blood. There are not enough words to begin to describe how sick he is and how much he hurt me. I try not to let him creep into my mind, but especially on a birthday you would like to feel that one of your birth parents would be glad you were born.

My birthdays have never been much of anything special. Jo Beth told me when I was 5 years old that I was too old to have birthday parties anymore. For my Sweet 16 birthday Norma just flat out did not even acknowledge it was my birthday or any other day different or special. My daddy, Jim, had to sneak me a card with $60 in it. The same continued for my 17^th and 18^th birthdays. I did have quite the party for my 18^th birthday-it was my bridal shower. That was held on my 18^th birthday.

This is not to say that every single one of my birthdays has been horrible. I have had some wonderful birthdays with my family and special days with friends. I have had many memorable birthdays throughout the years. The ones I have spent with MY family have been the best ones ever.

In the short 7 months since all this has happened I feel I have moved on pretty well. This is not to say that I am still not victimized by what he did to me. Because I am.! I try not to dwell on it. However, Bill is not able to sneak up on me, he is not able to wake me in the morning from my side of the bed, he doesn’t wake me to kiss me good bye for fear I will think it is Harry coming at me again. I appreciate his tenderness towards me. I still have issues with noises in the house that wake me when I am alone and sleeping. I also have begun to panic a bit when I think that in January he will be traveling to California to visit Lola’s sister. For about 3 weeks I will have no idea where he actually is. This scares me a bit because I just don’t know what he is thinking or capable of doing.

I have gotten rid of everything I can that he has given to me and to Heather. One thing that I trouble with is a pair of earrings he bought for Heather. I had bought Heather the choker blue topaz necklace for her ball. When Harry came for the ball and he wanted to get her something special . I went to Helzberg Jewelers to show him a pair of earrings that sort of matched her necklace. He bought them. On our cruise I am wearing the choker necklace I gave Heather with my navy dress. I just could not bring myself to wear those earrings. I know they were Heather’s and she loved them. She wore them the night of her ball. I just cannot get over the fact that Harry bought them. I cannot wear them. I love them because Heather did but I hate them for the man who bought them. I want them but then I want to throw them away at the same time.

I have been looking in jewelry stores for months trying to find some new real blue topaz earrings in white gold. But I have found nothing, nothing that would begin to match her necklace. Then today, I found a find. I found the earrings that should have been with this necklace. They are the PERFECT match. So I bought them. I feel very good about these earrings. Now what should I do with the other earrings. Well… I have two earrings and I have two daughters. I decided to take each earring and have it placed in a ring setting special for Jenn and Wendy and give them a ring that has the stone in them. The earrings are special to them because they belonged to Heather. It is also her birth stone. I think this is a win win situation for me and those earrings.

Blown Away the song by Carrie Underwood talks about a house filled with sin in which there is no wind or rain to wash or rip the sin out of the house. The memories of what happened will always be there. Harry has never been faithful to any woman. He has so many woman he has messed with I am not sure he even knows how many. His “house” has so much sin that a twister could not tear it out and blow it away. Harry also was a huge alcoholic. Kind of goes with the pattern of being a womanizing prick. I am sorry and ashamed that I ever allowed this evil man to be a part of my life and especially my family. He never deserved to meet us or be part of our family.

I am sorry I keep saying I am not going to write about him again. I try, but I feel that the trauma he caused me is not going to go away in 7 months. It may never go completely away. He did not actually physically rape me, but he raped me mentally and I think that is worse. I still have a difficult time with older men talking to me and trying to be friendly. Part of the reason why I have invested in a personal protection piece that I will be soon carrying with me at all times. I am going to learn how to be very good at using it. I will not be victimized again. I was molested as a child by a man for 2 years, and then I was raped when I was 9 and victimized again in January. He is no different than the other two men that abused me. I think this is why this time it is affecting me so much is because it has opened old wounds and I actually fought for myself and kicked him out of my life and tried to press charges. Something I was not able to do with the 2 other men. Again Thank you for listening to me…

My Angel's Lullaby...

God had something to say
So He sent an angel my way
A princess to love
Directly from heaven above

Violet is so happy and carefree
No greater love could there be
As she grows from day to day
I know God sent an angel my way…

Princess Pea

Written June 25, 2008…God has an amazing sense of humor. In the midst of everything going on with Heather...we have had another bit of news...our youngest daughter Wendy is pregnant. Now..how are we doing? I firmly believe that this baby is a gift from GOD. HE did not make a mistake. HE knew about the baby and planned for this baby. It is not the way we wanted to have a grand baby....but the point is that we ARE having a grand baby. So, right or wrong....I am very excited about this baby.

Violet going home day

2 weeks old watching the Suns

Yes, our news is a shock....have we had more than enough...why is GOD punishing us....HE is not punishing us.....we are having a beautiful baby next March. We will find out what the baby is just about the time that Heather is finishing treatments. Bill and I are going to be grandparents, Heather and Jenn are going to be Aunts. What is done is done and we cannot change the outcome. Besides..how many Mimi's get to have their grand-baby around 24/7. Mimi is my name...spoiling is my game!!!

Violet and Momma sleeping

Aunt Missy with Pea-right before life changed forever

I hope I am not shocking everyone with my attitude...If you do not know my situation....I was adopted. I am not a mistake. I love this baby and I love my baby Wendy, as I love Heather and Jenn as well. Please understand and be happy for us. I have already bought 3 outfits of neutral color for my grand baby.

Creamer baby

Is this really a time in the morning?

These were my thoughts when I first heard about my Snookie being in her Momma’s tummy. Having the past I had I would never ever even consider for a moment about giving a baby away. I would adopt the baby before that would ever happen in my family. From the moment I heard about a baby coming I loved that baby…

Cracker head

Abby Kadabby for Halloween?

Written February 10, 2009... Violet Rayne Coombe is here making her debut at 5:51 pm on February 10^th, tipping the scales at 5 pounds 7 ounces. She has lots of dark hair and is beautiful. Wendy and Violet are both healthy and happy with the new living arrangements. Well, maybe Violet is not too happy right now.

The whole family was there..Mimi, Papa, Aunt Jenny and Aunt Missy. There was not a dry eye in the room. Lots of happy tears. Wendy was so great. Mimi got to cut the cord.

Cool cat

Apple juice is the best

This was the post from the day Snookie was born. It was a very great day and one of the last “best” days we had as a family all together. In just a few short weeks things would change forever. Snookie will never remember her Aunt Missy but she will know how very much Aunt Missy loved her and was planning on spoiling her rotten.

waiting for pizza at Peter Piper

1st Birthday

Not many Mimi’s get to have their first granddaughter live in their home for the first almost 3 years of their life. As much work as it was at times I would not trade a single moment of it. (ok snookie throwing up on me yes I would change) I got to feed her, give her a bath and put her to bed many nights. It began at a very young age that Snookie would wrap her fingers in my long hair to go to sleep. She has always played with her hair or someone’s hair to put herself to sleep from day one. She still to this day will ask me to take my “kitty tail” out so she can have my hair. The nights of laying in her bed and her playing with my hair to fall asleep with are gone unless she stays the night with Mimi.

Hey Mimi what is in the pink bag??

Pea meltdown in the kitchen-good thing Mimi was here

I can’t begin to express what Snookie means to me. She was life and love in a very dark time. She was happiness and joy in a very difficult time. She was also the reason why most of us in the house continued to get up each day in the beginning. She was our families life raft. That is a very huge responsibility for a tiny baby girl of 2 months and 10 days old. She was too young to remember the dark days in the beginning  but she was the focus of our attention to remember what life is about.

Mimi snuggles

Mimi and Pea make a Hello Kitty

Look how pretty I am

Most grandparents think their grandchildren are the most special in the world. They would be right of course. Every grandchild is just that. But Snookie was given something extra special and the bond that I have with her is something that I cherish and will cherish the rest of my life. She fills the hurt in my heart with her smile, her hug, her running to me and saying “my Mimi and simply by being here. A friend of mine who lost a child also had a grandchild a few weeks before her daughter died. She agrees that they are HOPE!!! Much needed hope when everything in your world turns upside down.

I LOVE rice/beans

Am I really suppose to sit here?

I look forward to having more grandchildren one day. I imagine it is like having a baby, when you have one you can’t imagine loving another one. But the moment the next one is here the heart stretches and you love them just as much. Snookie will always be a connection with the OLD me…she won’t remember the OLD me just the NEW me. Her age will be the year count as to how long Heather has been gone. There will always be a connection.

Sick Pea sleeping on Mimi

Ipad in Mimi's bed-perfect

I hope Snookie remembers coming to Mimi’s house and taking a bath every night, brown milk in the square box, how Mimi’s fridge always has brown milk and apple juice, chicken nuggets, bubbles, princesses, playing with Mimi’s hair, painting nails, reading books, riding in red Kitty truck, getting surprises, but most importantly I hope she remembers that she is the love of my life, the joy to my world and I love her to the moon and back…

Snuggled down in covers at Disneyland

Mimi and Snookie at Small World

Mimi and Snookie at the park

Take a sprinkling of magic fairy dust
And an angel's white feather
Add a dash of loving care
Then mix them all together
Add a sweet sentiment or two
Some stardust, ground down fine
What you'll get is a fantastic
Granddaughter, just like mine...

I see you Aunt Missy!!

 Midnight moonlight shining through the curtain lace
Paints a perfect picture on your perfect face
One sweet angel sleeping in my arms
You are the promise I knew God would keep
You are the gift that makes my world complete

And you'll never know how much I love you
But I'll keep on telling you my whole life through
Now I believe in miracles, and you're the reason why
So dream on while I sing you my angel's lullaby

 ~My Angel's Lullaby~Reba~

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CslOzGBt4ng&feature=related