Remembering-the Same for Everyone?

Everyone remembers what they were doing on 9/11 2001. It was the worst attack on our own soil in history. We remember stopping and being riveted to the TV and not able to get enough information about what was happening in our country. So many people lost and many families just don’t even know what happened to their loved one. On that day they just disappeared.

Heather was not able to sleep and was down watching TV when Bill came down to go to work. She said something happened in New York with a plane crash. Not much information was known but Bill made her turn back the TV to see what was happening. Bill and Heather watched live as the second plane hit the towers. It was time to wake up the rest of the house and let us know our nation was under attack.

This was and is a horrible day in our country. The 1000’s of lives lost and all the first responders that went running into the building while most everyone else was running from the building. Our country stops to remember this day-a solemn day to think about all the people who died on that day.

Fast forward to September 11, 2008. While the rest of the country remembered I was bringing Heather home for the last time. This was the last time she would have to be hospitalized for chemo again. Her treatments were finished. We packed up our things and left the hospital with no fanfare, no parade, nothing we just simply left the hospital as quietly as we came in. The rest of the day was Heather sleeping and me trying to unpack and see if we could begin our lives again. I honestly did not remember that it was 9/11 till the news came on. It had slipped my mind. I was so focused in my own life that I did not remember that event that changed our country forever.

Here it is September 11, 2013 and everyone on facebook and the news is all about us remembering this day, remembering the fallen, remember those that gave their lives on this day. While I understand this from my view as a grieving mother I wonder why? Why remember? It has been 12 years after the fact aren’t those families over their loss yet? Can’t they move on? Get over it? Let go? Now you may say I am being horrible and cruel, how could I tell these people to get over this? The world needs to remember this forever.

My daughter wasn’t a first responder, she wasn’t a Wall Street person on the 50^th floor of tower number 2. My daughter fought cancer. My daughter belonged to me. My daughter happened in my life and my world. She has only been gone for 54 months. Why I am expected to move on? Why do people want me to let go? Why do I have to forget and put her behind me when the rest of the country is allowed to grieve for fallen heroes and many people who were never known before? They are remembered because they died on 9/11. Like I said, she wasn’t a hero to the world, she was a simple beautiful 21 years old young woman that bravely fought cancer with everything she had. She endured more in a year and 10 days more than most of us even imagine.

I am not making fun of the events of 9/11. I am simply putting this in perspective. The world is allowed to grieve for people who died doing something heroic but I am not allowed to mention my daughter. The country still takes moments of silence on 9/11 to remember all the people who died and on April 20 most people are terrified to text me to say they remember Heather today.

I ask that as the world stops to remember the ones that died today that everyone remember that when my Heather died it was the same for me as it is for all those families from 9/11. The loss is still the same, they are gone and Heather is gone. A loss is a loss not matter how it happened.