Intolerance..

The posts here seem to come in waves, either I have so much to write I cannot post faster enough or I go for long periods of time with no posts at all. I thank everyone for checking in and looking to see if something was new during the past few weeks.

I have been busy working on the book, My Porcelain Doll. This was a project that has been years in the making and I finally got the prod I needed to get started. I am very pleased and proud to announce that on Sunday July 28, the manuscript and 84 black and white photos were sent off to the publishers. It is being considered for submission guidelines right now. I should be hearing something by Friday as to whether I have some corrections to make or if everything is okay and it will be going to copy editing. The areas that could be an issue is if I have used a name or title of a place that cannot be used for copyright infringements. If all goes well I am anticipating a November 8^th release date. November 8^th would actually be the 5 year anniversary of Heather’s Grand Ball. I think that is an awesome date to release her story on.

I am beginning my second book entitled Confessions of a Grieving Mother. I think this book will be a great follow-up to My Porcelain Doll. I have several chapter titles rolling around my head right now including “God are you still there? Until we meet again, Beyond the tears, Letting go? Get over it? Hell No!!, and She who must not be named to name a few I am thinking about.

I have recently been reminded or maybe I should say hit over the head with the fact that most people do not understand the idea of what having a child die means. I have been met with some rudeness and intolerance. I feel that during the first year everyone tries to understand and have patience, the second year many fall off because the pain is too raw for me yet. By year three most people roll their eyes and think to themselves oh great, Heather again. By the fourth year which is where I am at right now, no one wants to hear the same old Heather story again. No one wants to hear I am having a bad day again. The words “let go” and “get over IT” are forever being said in their minds. I have been reminded that I just need to move on already and people are getting very tired of hearing me talk about my loss and Heather.

I am sorry that having my 21 year old die and be gone from my life forever is bothering people. The point is I keep saying I am never going to get over this. My life will forever be scarred, marked, cheated and altered by this event. If I had lost my arm, I would forever be an amputee. No one would really expect me to be “over it” after 4 years of trying to adjust. If I was burned badly it would be acceptable that after four years I am still struggling trying to adjust to life. But because my heart is broken and on the inside, people forget and expect me to be healed and over it. Because I laugh and go on trips I must be over it by now. I am asking for tolerance and understanding when I mention Heather’s name or say I am having a bad day.