Fools Believe, and Liars Lie....

Losers lose, winners win;
Cheaters cheat, singers sing.
Dreamers dream, criers cry;
Fools believe, and Liars Lie...

~Liars Lie~ Lee Ann Womack~ 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GltS_YMc1j4&feature=related

My half-sister Janet on Friday took her mother Lola and told her about Harry wanting to have sex with me. Lola told Janet that she knew about it and Harry told her I was lying and making it all up. Lola even went to the lawyer’s office with her husband the day after the police came to the house.

I have to say I am totally shocked that Harry told “his” version of the story to Lola but I am not shocked to hear that she believes him. I am a liar and I made the whole thing up. What reason do I have to do that? I seriously am going after my father? A 74 year old man? With no teeth? Really??? What did I have to gain? I am totally repulsed by the mention let alone the idea or thought of having sex with a man that old let alone my father. I am not attracted to men that are 10-15-20-25 years older than me. His money? Is that what I am after? I told him on many occasions to write me out of his will. If I was black mailing him why did he willing come back to see me 2 more years? Why was I all he could talk about in town? Even Pastor Candy told me Harry thinks the world of you he loves you dearly. Why would she say that still if I had been the one chasing Harry? If I was asking for money or after him wouldn’t Harry be staying away from me? Wouldn’t he quit talking about me and calling me?

 This is a woman that has “stood by her man” for at least 4 affairs and now this.  In order for Lola to believe me she would have to admit to herself that the man she married and has been with for 51 years is a jerk, creep and a monster. I did have pity and feel sorry for Lola for the way she had been treated in the past, but for her to simply turn a blind eye to this is sick. She needs help just as much as he does. This was not just sex with another woman it was trying to have sex with your own daughter. Heaven help her for believing and standing by her man. She gets what she deserves in this case. I find it funny that Lola mentions that something happened between Harry and me in 2010 because I don’t call him like I used to. Funny how I was the one that put distance between us in the relationship. If Lola looks hard enough she will see the truth but she can’t admit that to herself. She would have to admit she married the devil.

It'll take all I got to forgive you.
As sure as my heart starts to mend,
I'd find you somewhere with another.
You'd hurt me all over again.

Reasons why men cheat:

It boosts their ego. Sometimes men don't feel like they are attractive to the opposite sex anymore and when a woman shows some interest, not only does a man react, he may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There's nothing like the thrill of the chase to men on the hunt. When they are finally rewarded for their efforts, their egos swell even larger. Harry told me over and over again I was the only one who loved him, who he could talk to and who he could confide in. He said he had no one else and I felt sorry for him. He would tell me how Lola did nothing for him after his surgery. He could have died and she would never have cared. He told me horrible awful things about his wife so I would feel sorry for him and therefore stroke his ego.

To see if they can get away with it. If a man has the attitude of 'what she doesn't know, won't hurt her,' he may cheat to see if he is sneaky and smart enough to get away with it. I was a fool and didn’t put a stop to it right away in 2010 and that is my fault. But I was grieving the loss of Heather and I thought I wanted this man in my life. At the time he was important to me. So since I was a fool and didn’t tell Bill about his advances in 2010 Harry believed he could continue, I would let him and not tell anyone. Lola would never know. He cut her out of my life so it was perfect.

Because the wife have allowed it in the past. If she has forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, she will forgive them. Harry got caught big time cheating with my mother. My grandmother went to Harry’s house and told Lola that her husband had spent the night with her daughter. She took her then 3 kids and left Harry being pregnant with her fourth child. Lola went to Harry’s parents’ house. When harry arrived home and found the church pastor there he went ballistic and went to his parent’s house. He actually threatened to kill his father and told him how dare he take his family away from him. Harry saw nothing wrong with getting caught with spending the night with another woman.

The cheater has achieved great success. This is a psychological point; some men have an inward fear of success. They can’t play the part of winner in all spheres of life so they destroy their family life. Harry has achieved great amounts of money and a very good name for himself in his small community. I am sure the affair with my mother brought some tarnish to that good name of his. Two of his daughters saw him buying an expensive coat for a woman not their mother right before Christmas when they were in high school. Then he also told me of another woman in 1982-83 that he still has contact with and she stops by the farm regularly even still today. His words to me were that women still want him.

He is an alcoholic or a drug addict. Harry was an extreme alcoholic during the first 20 some years of their marriage. He would come home drunk on many occasion and the kids were always embarrassed when the bus would pull up and their dad would be passed out drunk in the car. I am not sure why Harry just quit drinking.

Selfishness is also another very big indicator of the level of devotion of a man. A selfish person does not care about the feeling of others and that behavior is displayed in an unfaithful situation. Selfish behavior stems back from early adolescent days, when selfishness is thought be developed. When Harry left from the visit in 2011 I was frustrated beyond words with him. No, he had not tried to have sex with me, but he was so hateful about the way he talked about his wife. It was me, me, me…he couldn’t go to work because Lola was sick. He couldn’t farm if he got a divorce because he would have to sell the equipment to buy Lola’s half of the farm. He would not be able to do what he wanted to. So he stayed with her. Never once in the entire visit or conversation did I ever hear the words I love my wife. She helps me run the store and the farm. Lola is Harry’s property not his soul mate.

I should've known, I should've known, I should've known:
Someone like you--who can't be true--is bound to wrong.

Losers lose, winners win;
Cheaters cheat, and singers sing;
Dreamers dream, criers cry;
Fools believe, and Liars Lie.

• ·  He does not feel he is being understood by you, and he is lonely with you.
• ·  He doesn’t acknowledge any conventions and rejects social morals. He is known to be a cynic. Nothing is sacred for him.
• ·  He doesn’t believe in monogamy. Being faithful is nothing special for him. He behaves according to his convictions.
• ·  He is looking for extremes. The easiest way to get enough adrenaline is to have sex with another woman.
• ·  He wants to express his position. He tries to realize his ambitions with the help of unfaithfulness.
• ·  He never repents what he has done. He doesn’t even feel he is guilty.

Many women don’t forget or forgive unfaithfulness, so their ability for feelings disappear eventually. Especially when their beloved men do not pay them enough attention and do not convince their women that they are the most beautiful and most important thing in the world to them. It’s difficult to describe what strong pain and deep mortification women feel caused by unfaithfulness. A famous cardiologist once said: “If I could teach men to be faithful, there would be much less patients sitting in my office. The production of sedatives and other medications would be cut in half if men could be faithful.”

There is an actual disorder for this very thing. I was shocked to learn that this happens all the time. There are many sites devoted to this very subject and it is very real. There are actual cases of genetic siblings “marrying” each other and living together as husband and wife. Kathryn Harrison published a memoir in the 1990s regarding her four-year incestuous relationship with her biological father, whom she had not seen for almost 20 years prior to beginning the relationship, titled The Kiss.

The term "genetic sexual attraction" is used to describe the intense physical and emotional feelings that some people experience following restored contact between an adopted person and a close member of his or her birth family.  Genetic attraction is an attraction between two people who've been separated ... seeing someone they've missed all their life, all the emotion of that loss, sometimes turns into a sexual relationship. No, this is not some bad joke about family members and incest in some (unnamed) southern state. This is about feelings of attraction that may be experienced by adults when they reconnect with birth family members from whom they've been separated by adoption... an attraction so strong and so intense as to be interpreted as sexual desire. If a sexual relationship is entered, it is known as incest.

Genetic sexual attraction (GSA) implies the arousal, sometimes but not always mutual, and wish for consummation, of feelings of love and physical/sexual desire between the two people concerned. GSA is rooted, not so much in sexual, physical attraction, but from a need to bond. It also is classified by three main categories that we all can identify:

• Similar Characteristics
  Similar genetic makeup can produce similarities in temperament, appearance, and other areas that are common in all birth families to a certain extent. Harry and I are near carbon copies of each other, sharing the same personality.
• Self-Love
  While we may not want to admit it, we generally tend to feel more comfortable with those whose characteristics are similar to our own. Harry told me on too many to count occasions how comfortable he felt with me. He told me he could tell me everything. I in turn felt that I could trust him as well.
• Aromatic Identification
  It has been suggested that a subconscious memory of the smell of one's own family may be recognized and, if so, would cause an actual physical reaction. I won’t say this was true for me; it might have been for him. I can tell you that the smell of his Old Spice makes me want to puke now.

Some people tend to take more risks than others, flouting convention or authority or jumping in at the deep end to see what happens. People who have committed sexual transgressions in the past, e.g. extra-marital affairs, may be less hesitant about experimenting with this new relationship. I feel that Harry has had so many affairs in the past that this was no big deal to him. I honestly believe he wanted me to be with him..like married. He told me once that Lola accused him of wanting to run away with me. Why would she say something like that? Why would he tell me that either? I think he planned this all along.

People who have been abused as children or adults struggle to set in the past limits in intense emotional situations. Reunions can be very confusing and open up old vulnerabilities. Harry tells me about been beat as a child by his father nearly every day after school. Till the day he took a knife and threatened to kill his father if he beat him again. Now, do I believe this? I don’t know. But I do believe damage of some kind was done to harry to make him the sick sick man that he is.

 

Because parents or siblings of the opposite sex who meet as adults never bonded, and because the fastest way adults bond is sexually, an overpowering need to bond is expressed in a sexual way. The reason GSA is more common with siblings, is because siblings of the opposite sex are not as close to each other, as they are to their mother. The reason it is more common with fathers and daughters, than with mothers and sons, is because men do not have anywhere near the same level of empathic response as women do. Particularly noted in the case of adopted children who are subsequently reunited with the biological parent or sibling of the opposite sex, seemingly because the normal bonding mechanism has been disrupted.

Experienced between mothers and sons, fathers and daughters, and between more distant relatives, but most common between siblings of opposite sex who bear a close resemblance. It takes the form of an overpowering, almost electrical grip of emotion, associated with an inability to keep away from the other person and an almost primordial sense of having belonged together all their lives. The attraction gives rise to a sense of underlying shame and guilt, together with a feeling of rejection that may prevent effective communication because the emotions are too threatening to share with anyone. This may be compounded by any sexual relationship resulting from the attraction.

I hope and pray someday Lola can see Harry for the true abuser he is. But for now, he continues on his way and living his lies. I am sure that he has his next sexual victim all lined up. I wasn’t the last one, he will continue to use and abuse women for as long as Lola continues to look the other way and do nothing about it.

Losers lose, winners win;
Cheaters cheat, and singers sing;
Dreamers dream, criers cry;
Fools believe, and Liars Lie...