I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You....

WARNING: One photo is difficult to see...

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

It is Holy week, the week after Palm Sunday. Palm Sunday commemorates the triumphal entrance of Christ into Jerusalem (Matthew 21:1-9), when palm branches were placed in His path, before His arrest on Holy Thursday and His Crucifixion on Good Friday. It thus marks the beginning of Holy Week, the final week of Lent, and the week in which Christians celebrate the mystery of their salvation through Christ's Death and His Resurrection on Easter Sunday.

Never in my life have I believed in a miraculous healing more than I did when Heather was in ICU. I believed in my heart, soul, mind, body and being that we had come to Palm Sunday, Holy Week, Good Friday and Easter for a reason. I knew in every ounce of my faith and existence that God was going to heal Heather during that time. Not restored to complete health but a huge miracle was going to happen. I told everyone that came to visit, all the doctors and nurses that Good Friday was coming, be prepared to be amazed. I didn’t think anything different I just KNEW she would make a turn around and begin to get better during this Holy week.

Right before Easter 2008

I went back to the CaringBridge blog to share some of the thoughts from during that time. I think you can hear some of the optimistic view I had during this week despite all the obstacles we encountered:

Palm Sunday, April 5, 2009 10:06pm

Thank you everyone who prayed today for Heather and our family, we are touched by all the folks that showed up and prayed across the country.  Thank you also for the reminder that this is the week leading up to Easter. What a wonderful Easter present to have Heather off the vent in time for Sunday…

Right before Easter 2009-The difference of a year!!!

Monday, April 6, 2009 6.48pm

Bill and I no longer know how to pray. For the first time...I am asking that if God is going to take Heather to be with Him, that He make it quickly and not allow Heather and us to suffer anymore. We are dangling by a thread here. Our God can do so much..but He may chose not to in this situation. We are preparing for the answer to be no. Yes, we are angry, yes we are wondering why...we have no answers. God is all knowing..He knows why and I trust Him with all my heart. We gave Heather to God before she was born. She belongs to Him. I have begun to make notes and making arrangements to prepare in case Heather goes to be with Jesus. Yes, I am planning her funeral. You know me..have to have my ducks in a row.

Please pray for a miracle healing from God..If the answer is no..to take Heather quickly....

Monday, April 6, 2009 10:26 PM

The family has been asked not to leave the ICU tonight. Heather is not stable enough and things could happen quickly. This will be special time for Bill and me to spend with our baby girl. Please pray that the Lord will take her quickly and painlessly.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009 10:55am

HEATHER SURVIVED THE NIGHT!!!!!

Please pray for God's will to be done in Heather's life

If it be His will, that she be healed....totally!!! Easter is coming!!!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009 9:21 PM

Coming into this illness I had a very bad feeling about Heather surviving; mother's intuition or whatever. I just had a feeling that I was going to lose Heather. I believe that Monday was a test from God...Abraham and Isaac-(God told Abraham to sacrifice his son, when Abraham said yes, God provided the ram) Bill and I both at different times told Heather that it was ok to go home. We gave her permission to go. Since Heather survived the night, I no longer have the feeling that Heather is going to die. Something changed...can't tell you why or what, but something is different.

I also feel that this week is a very holy and special week being Palm Sunday when Jesus rode into Jerusalem; to the prayer in the garden, the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. It is a week of miracles. Friday will also be the one year anniversary of Heather's cancer diagnosis. (Good Friday). I feel that there is a reason that we have made it to this week in particular. I am expecting great and powerful things this week.

Thursday, April 9, 2009 11:51 AM

I am asking...no promises. That God would flat out heal her soon...Totally shock and amaze everyone involved. I believe that she will be healed, I ask that it be quick....remember, Easter Sunday is coming!!!

Thursday, April 9, 2009 9:22 PM

I can't begin to explain how discouraging it is day after day to not have anything good happen. Nothing changes. Week after week nothing has changed. We have been in Banner Baywood for 3 weeks today. No change, no improvement and no sign of improvement coming soon. Pray for some improvement. We are not asking for walking out of the hospital tomorrow. But a small change to the positive would be helpful.

Good Friday, April 10, 2009 4:13 PM

Well, today is the 1 year anniversary of Heather's cancer diagnosis. Who would have ever dreamed that we would be in Banner Baywood; let alone in ICU. Certainly not us. We had such a smooth sail through cancer that we thought the bad times were behind us.

Bill and I took the morning off. We slept in some and arrived at the hospital about 1 pm. We just needed some time away. Day after day we come and sit. I am not sure right now that she even knows that we are here. Heather can't talk or move she is a "turnip" in a bed. It is very hard to sit and watch her day after day with no changes.

Heather Bunny

The rest of the story is that Heather did not make any kind of a recovery, as a matter of fact she collapsed her lung early Saturday morning and we actually spent Easter Sunday not knowing if she would survive the next hour. Of course God did heal Heather just not in the way I had planned. My heart was broken and I felt that all my faith and prayers were for nothing. This is something that God and I have to work out between us. But I felt and feel very let down by God. And it is okay that I feel that way. Even David in the Bible felt discouraged and let down by God when his baby died. Most people just won’t admit that they fell this way. If David can admit the way he felt in the Bible for the world to read then I feel I can do the same. I don’t feel that I have lost my faith, if anything I have more.

Ear Tag

Most days in the hospital I had lunch alone in the cafeteria. Once in a while someone would come to enjoy the best food ever with me. Bill, Jenn and Wendy did have work and Princess Pea to take care of. During the days I did not leave much in the last few days. But I did leave the ICU room quit often. I would go up to the 6^th floor ad visit, or to the gift shop. On one trip to the gift shop I realized that Easter was coming quickly and I didn’t have anything for the girls. Heather had collected TY Beanie Baby bunnies for many years. She had always wanted a TY bunny named after her. As I looked around the small shop I saw two Ty purple bunnies. Of course I had to go look at the tag and nearly dropped to my knees when the name read HEATHER. I bought the two “Heather” bunnies that they had one for Jenn and Wendy and bought a flowered bunny for Heather. I had no idea at the time of how important those Ty “Heather” bunnies would become to me. They finally name a bunny Heather and she never got to see them. If you ever wonder if TY is a good company to support, I say yes. I called them the day Heather died and told them of my situation. They told me that they never sell to individual people. You have to be a retailer. They made an exception for me and sold me 200 "Heather" bunnies to give out at the funeral.

Touche Tag

This time of year is bittersweet for me; Easter is a blessed time but for me will always be wrapped up in the goings on in ICU. It is just the way it is going to be. This year the dates fall very close to the way they did in 2009. Some years Easter will be earlier and that won’t be quite as bad. In the year 2014 Easter Sunday will actually be on April 20^th. That will be an Easter to remember. 

My wishes for everyone is that they are able to celebrate Easter in whichever way they feel comfortable in doing so. Some go to church, others will hunt eggs and most will be with family and loved ones. Remember to cherish each day like it is your last.

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life