Who Do You Think You Are???...

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I have not heard a word, phone call or letter from the man who was supposed to be my father. I called him a few weeks ago and it was very clear that all he was interested in was his stinking money and protecting himself. He never once asked me how I was or told me that he was sorry. He still in his mind thinks he did nothing wrong. He told me it was never going to happen again and that I had his word on that. Didn’t I believe his word was good enough? The answer was and is NO!! I don’t believe his words. He kept trying to tell me I didn’t make myself clear in telling him I did not want to have sex with him. I talked with him on 3 separate occasions, I have no idea how he could not understand that. He did not care about our relationship or that he had hurt me in any way.

I have a court date on March 12 to go back to and change my name to Sherry Anne Coombe. I am taking the Blackburn out and never using it again. I can hardly wait to remove it from my social security number, driver’s license and all my credit cards. I honestly never want to speak or hear the name again. I regret the day I let him adult adopt me and I took his last name. At the time I was so proud to finally have the last name that should have been mine from the beginning. But in Harry’s words; “He didn’t raise me as a baby; he met me as an adult woman so he seeing nothing wrong with loving me so much he wants to have sex with me.”

In the few weeks since the man once known as my father, left my hurt and disbelief has turned to anger. The more I am thinking about thing the more I realize that Harry never ever wanted me as a daughter. He from day one had a plan. He only wanted to have sex with me. I know this because he actually told me that from the first moment that I got into his car wearing a denim skirt he knew what he wanted to do. That would have been the first visit I ever made to Iowa in 2005 for my 40^th Birthday. How did he remember that? No he is not crazy. As a matter of fact he just had a memory test performed at Mayo Clinic and he was found to be of sound mind.

I also know that Harry proceeded with his huge plan by alienating Lola and me. He knew if he pushed her hard and tried to force her to have a relationship with me that Lola would not want anything to do with me and she would quit visiting. This happened in 2007. Lola had enough of having me forced down her throat and told Harry she wanted nothing to do with me. He told me once that Lola accused him of wanting to run away with me. Why would he tell me such a thing? He also began speaking very badly about his wife, Lola treated him badly treated him. He told me all kinds of stories about how she never talks to him, doesn’t do anything but sleep and throw herself in bed all the time. Now the next step of his plan was completed.

Harry also made sure to talk bad about my siblings to me so that I would want nothing to do with them. He made me feel that he had no one but me to confide in. Told me I was the only one who gave him birthday cards or acknowledged father’s day. Telling me my siblings are spoiled brats and horrible so that I would not begin a relationship with them either. He knew by keeping me from talking to any member of his family meant that he was safe to begin his plan of trying to have sex with me.

Harry is like a black widow spider, he waits till his prey is weakened and then he pounces on them. It makes me sick to my core to think that he waited till I will weakened and sick with the grief over Heather’s death to make his move. I am repulsed beyond words that he mentioned anything about wanting to have sex with me during this time. He pressured me to go to a hotel with him. He paid cash for a $30,000 Camaro to keep me happy and quiet. I think he thought that just maybe I might want to really thank him for the gift of the car and have sex with him. Right after the car was purchased I was looking at the owner’s manual when harry brought up sex again. I looked at him and handed the manual to him and asked him if he wanted the car back..I didn’t want it if that was what it meant. He said no he didn’t want the car back.

There are several reasons why I think Harry made his big moves this year and pushed so hard to have sex with me. This is the first time that everyone has been out of the house all day. Wendy had moved out and so my duties with Snookie were less. Jenn and Bill leave about the same time and are gone all day. The second reason was the amount of weight I had lost this past year. He just could not stand to be near or around me and not have me. Not saying that I am a raving beauty but being thinner and long hair he just could not stand it.

Harry told me that the first thing that popped into his mind when he heard that he might have cancer in May 2010 was that he was going to die and never have sex with me. WHAT??? THE FIRST THING HE THOUGHT OF???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I have been in the room when the words you have cancer are spoken…and the first thought is not I don’t get to have sex with my daughter.  And I am also happy to know that he cannot get me pregnant because he has been fixed and that he has no sexually transmitted diseases. SERIOUSLY??? Like I needed or wanted to know that. He is one sick sexual deviant and pervert.

The innocent victim in all this is his wife Lola who does not know this has happened. Lola married Harry when she was 16 and in the first 6 years of marriage she born 4 children. Harry began an 18 month affair with my birth mother because his wife at home was tired and didn’t want to have sex with him. This was his justification for having an affair. Well, I go news for you Harry, you are a selfish SOB for thinking that way. Your wife was tired because all you did was work. You were never there to help with the kids or the housework. Lola could have used your love and understanding and instead you went off and had an affair. Lola has looked the other way at multiple affairs that harry has had. She deserved someone so much better than Harry, but she has stayed married to him for 51 years. If Lola only knew that absolutely horrible things her “loving” husband said about her to me she would be devastated…No husband should ever talk about his wife the way he did to me.

I actually cannot believe I am saying this, but the other innocent victim of Harry’s sick messed up addiction was my mother. I have no idea what he told  her to keep having sex for 18 months. I believe there were promises of marriage and money. I also believe that Harry told my mother just what he needed so she would keep coming back to him. My mother may have even been told that if she got pregnant this would be her 100% commitment to him. I can hear it all now.

I share all of this because this event has pushed me deeper in to depression and PTSD. It is so many things rolled into one. It is horrible the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of a man who was supposed to be my father.  It is getting enough courage to stand up to him and tell him no more and get out of my life. It is standing in front of my family and telling them what I have endured for 2 years at the hands of Harry. It is the ending of a long awaited relationship with a birth parent and sort of the “death” of my father. It is coming to grips with the fact that I have no birth parents. I feel used and abused by allowing Harry to have personal access to my family. It is reliving the abuse I suffered as a child. At least for now Harry does not consume my every thought anymore. When this first happened I was so angry because all I thought about 24/7 was what Harry had done that I had no room for Heather. I felt like I had betrayed her because I could not think about her. Honestly it is because someone so pure could not be in the same thoughts as someone so disgusting. I have gotten Harry out of my head most of the time and Heather is back in her rightful place.

The final chapter to this story ends with the Iowa police going to his house Wednesday night to confront him on the charges. He was very arrogant and defiant; he said he refused to speak with his attorney- he lawyered up. His wife was not there to witness this so she still knows nothing. Harry did tell Lola that he and I had a huge fight this January and our relationship is over. He thinks he has covered his tracks…what he doesn’t know is that all his kids know, so does Lola’s sister and her cousin and that pastor of their church. They all believe me. I was not the first victim and I will not be the last victim. Harry is a sexual deviant and predator. He will never change. But this evil man will not hurt me again. He is out of my life forever.

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?