Never Forgotten....

If we could have a lifetime wish

A dream that would come true,

We'd pray with all our hearts

For yesterday and YOU.

A thousand words can't bring you back

We know because we've tried...

Neither will a thousand tears

We know because we've cried...

You left behind our broken hearts

And happy memories too...

But we never wanted memories

We only wanted...YOU!!!

~Unknown Author~

The day the Heather died, I became part of an exclusive club. The membership cost is beyond what any mother should ever have to pay. It is a membership that my dear friend Diane paid in May, 1998. I have always stated that I thought as an outsider I understood what she was feeling and going through. Only when Heather died did I really, ever truly understand what it feels like to go through this. I have stated before that people who have not lost a child are civilians. They don't get it. I understand the days and dates that come along with the anniversary of the death of your child. This morning was the day of the week that Beka died 13 years ago. I awoke this morning a little after 4am and began thinking about Beka and Diane. I had a very hard time going back to sleep. The visions and thoughts were pressing on my heart and mind. Beka died May 2, at about  5:30am Chicago time, which is 4:30 am Arizona time.

Grieving Mothers battle everyday to get out of bed, get dressed and simply function. Simple tasks to the world become the biggest obstacled challenge to a grieving mother. I will confess here that I simply have not managed to make my bed for over 3 years. I used to make my bed every single day before cancer entered my world. When Heather got cancer she would sleep with me. Many days she would not be out of bed till 1 or 2 pm. Then she would be back in bed at 8 or 9 pm some days. It was a task that simply didn't make sense to do. I never got back to making the bed. Pea was born, Heather got sick and died. It required too much energy to make the bed to simply unmake it to go to bed each day. It has only been recently that I have begun to make the bed each morning again. 

This last part of this week and first part of next week is the 13th anniversary of Beka's death. Rebekah was 19 years old and attending college at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. Wes and Diane received a phone call on April 30th stating that Beka awoke, her heart arrested and she fell backwards. Her roommate got help immediately. The hospital staff worked very hard to save Beka's life, but there was severe brain damage. Beka was placed on life support and was confirmed later that she only had lower brain stem activity. The family made the incredibly difficult decision to take her off life support. They kept a vigil all night; loving and saying goodbye to their precious Beka. Mother and daughter, Diane and Beka, together for the last time this side of heaven. The world lost a truly amazing. loving and remarkable young woman. 

"In my radiance

I stood outside, 

'Neath the stars.

At 2:00 am

I touched a rose and its leaves.

They seem more alive now.

Everyone knows flowers are

Alive in light of the sun.

Now the moon is here and 

The bud still is there......"

April 1996~Beka

Beka's Mom, Diane, began an non-profit called Beka's House. In the beginning she was not sure what the concept would be. Jenn and Heather drew houses that might be used as a icon for the Beka's House organization. This is Heather's drawing for Beka's House.