Where Were You The Day The World Stopped Turning?....

Where were you when the world stopped turning 

that September day

Out in the yard with your wife wife and children

Working on some stage in LA

Did you stand there in shock at the site of

That black smoke rising against that blue sky

Did you shout out in anger

In fear for your neighbor

Or did you just sit down and cry...

Where Were You~Alan Jackson

*WARNING-photos may be difficult to view, but it is the REAL side of cancer...

April 10, 2008-getting hair cut off right before going into hospital

It is hard to imagine all the oxygen being sucked out of your lungs...news so terrible that you physically cannot breath. Your heart is racing. You raise your arms trying everything you can to get your lungs to fill with air. Gasping in small breaths that are not filling your lungs. Your ears begin to ring, your vision goes tunnel and darker. Your world has just been completely shattered. The words you heard are not going into your brain. Your brain cannot process what you have been told. You see the doctor's mouth moving and you hear words coming out, deep down inside you are hearing the words, but the ringing in your ears is making it sound as if the words are being said through a paper cup. As the words sink in your heart begins to hurt, not from the lack of oxygen, but from what the words mean. I have had this feeling 2 times in my life. The first one was Thursday April 10, 2008 when I heard the words cancer, aggressive, really bad and have to fight hard to beat. Then the 2nd one was Sunday, April 19, 2009 as I heard the words no improvement in 10 days, nothing more can be done and we need to make a decision.

The face of extreme beauty

Had to have a bit of humor in a situation that flat out sucks

Finished and she is stunning

Despite how terrible September 11th, the Oklahoma City Bombing, the Columbine shootings or the current tragedy in Tucson were, they didn't effect me personally. When it hits you personally between your eyes it becomes the most tragic event in the world..to ME!!....

During a part B when she was sedated the whole time

Preparing for spinal chemo-Dr. Fastenberg and Nurse jan

There are lots of horrible, nasty words in the world. But I have to think that the most hideous word in the whole universe is the word CANCER! To the survivor it means toxic chemicals pumped through their body to save their life, losing their hair, endless vomiting, feeling weak and the fear of what if it is not completely gone. To the care giver it means standing by totally helpless as you watch your loved one go through mid-evil torture, giving anything if that was you and not them, wishing you could take away some of the pain and fear they have and praying your heart out to GOD to heal your loved one and make everything alright. For both the survivor and the care giver it is the friends and family that you lose along the way that hurts worse than any of the treatments or procedures that are done. Most people don't understand how it feels to have the ones you love totally drop you, not have anything to do with you and shun you. (Yes, this happened to Heather-and this girl still has the nerve on her Facebook page to state that she loved Heather and she misses her terribly)

In ICU on b-pap machine

Sitting up just hours before being placed on a vent

Once the word CANCER has touched your life personally, you are never the same again. Day after day I hear of other mothers losing their children to CANCER. The latest is 23 year old Mandi Schwartz, an inspirational Yale hockey player, who had AML. She battled the diagnosis, treatment, remission, relapse, bone marrow transplant and then relapse again. In December 2010, after 25 months of fighting, Mandi made the decision to stop all treatments. Schwartz's family stated it was like hitting a brick wall at 100 miles an hour when they got the news that she had come out of remission again. This story was one the made the paper. Everyday 100's of children get the news of cancer or that they have come out of remission. For most families that get the words leukemia, lymphoma and stem cell transplant it means they will fight and fight and fight and most, not all, will lose their fight in the end. Mandi who died this past weekend is the same age that Heather would have been.

Saturday night~Movie night with Kim and Mindy~2days before she died

A mother's love~April 20, 2009

I had a beautiful, vibrant daughter that was just beginning her life. She was working, going to school, hanging with friends and living life to the fullest. Till she began not to feel good in October of 2007. I have no idea how long the cancer had been there before the outward signs showed themselves. Cancer took my beautiful daughter and ravaged her body to the point that it could not function. At the time of her diagnosis, it was believed that if nothing had been done Heather was a few weeks from dying. She went into remission and began her life again. The effects of chemo take a toll on the human body that no one can imagine. The toxic drugs damage everything it touches, every organ in your body. Heather's lungs were damaged beyond repair but no one knew it till it was way too late to prevent what was happening. The last 33 days of her fight against death proved to be a battle this time she would not win. This is the battle I will never forget and I will never get over losing this battle.

Heather~October 2006

Heather~April 25, 2009