The first time I laid my eyes on you I knew
We'd spend this life side by side
I still feel the same thought you're so far away
I swear that you'll always be my
Forever love, I promise you
Someday we'll be together, forever love
I won't give up no matter what
I'll be waiting for you, forever love
Minutes and hours and years may go by
But my heart knows nothing of time
So don't cry just keep me right there in your dreams
And hold on to these words of mine
Forever love.....
The plans were all finished, everything was done. I had picked up my Dad at the airport even though looking back I do not remember doing this. I do remember going to the private family viewing on Friday evening. I got up on Saturday morning and cried...not unlike what I had done every morning since that Monday. I got dressed in my royal attire and put my Queen's tiara on my head. I walked down the stairs and felt an overwhelming panic inside my body that shook me to my core. I went back up and took a 1mg of Ativan to calm myself. Then out the door....
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| Newspaper obituary |
I had taken charge of every detail of this final ball. I wrote the newspaper obituary to sound like a royal princess had died. I could not have a small generic obituary for my duchess. I also made sure that the casket was white. What else would a Grand Duchess arrive in. This was to be her final carriage. I also made sure that the hearse was white as well. I didn't leave any detail to chance. I also told all the pall bearers that they had to be in dark suit and tie. A princess getting out of the carriage never takes the hand of an unsuited man. The casket spray of flowers were to be the most stunningly beautiful roses I have ever seen. I left instructions that it was to be a royal as possible. I wanted nothing less for this would be the last thing I would ever do for Heather.
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| One of Heather's Senior pictures |
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| Free gift-a woven tapestry from a photo of our choice |
On 2014 Easter Sunday will fall on April 20th. I am not sure how that day will go. I feel that the memories this year are really heightened by the fact that I am not numb and that Easter is tomorrow. I love God and I trust Him in every aspect of my life. I trust God for everything good and bad that has ever happened in my life. I know that God has a purpose and a plan. However, I do not understand the reason behind Heather's death. I know the facts of her being spared a life of illness or return of her cancer. I do not understand how she could skate and I mean skate through cancer treatments with no complications, to begin her life again and then get pneumonia and die. God could have healed her but for whatever reason He chose not to. Yes, I feel betrayed by God. How could He not answer my cry to Him. I firmly believed with everything in my being that Holy week, Good Friday and Easter Sunday in 2009 were going to be filled with awesome miracles from God. Heather was going to make huge improvements and get better. It didn't happen. I always had a statement that I told my girls when they were growing up; "I always love you, that never changes, but I do not like you much right now". I feel that way about God for now...and you know what..IT IS OK that I feel this way. I am not going to hell nor am I losing my faith. If anything I have more faith now then I ever did before.
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| Casket spray of beautiful roses |
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| Sherry speaking at Heather's funeral |
My Heather diamond gives me great comfort. I wear it 24/7 right now. It is simply stunning, beautiful, awesome and everything else in the world. I looked at the diamond under a microscope and saw part of the engraving. Due to the way it has to fit into the setting part of the engraving is covered by the prongs that hold the diamond in place. I was able to see DOLYGRL NUTT PRISSIE. The MISSY HNC is covered up. It was amazing. There is only one flaw in the actual stone. That is the reason why it is so big. I saw the small flaw..it looks like a fluffy white cloud instead of a dark, black flaw. The flaws of a diamond are the personal fingerprints to the stone. No two stones have the same flaws. As I have showed the ring to people several had kissed the diamond and held it to the cheek. I don't mind as I do the same thing. Many have said it gives an energy that is indescribable. It feels like Heather...
After Sunday all the Mother's Day stuff will begin to hit. I am thankful this year that there are only a couple weeks between Easter and Mother's Day.
Hoping each one of you has a Blessed Resurrection Day...
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