When I was growing up in the very small community of Farmington, New Mexico, Sundays use to be very different. Store and restaurants did not open till noon if they opened at all. It was a day that if you did not go to church then you could not play with friends in the afternoon. It was usually a boring day for the most part. Sunday night was getting laundry finished, working on homework and getting ready for the start of the week. It was always a night that took me forever to fall asleep. I guess thinking too much about the events of Monday and heading back to school.
Sherry-3 years old-1968
Bill told me that his Sundays were about the same. He can remember going to his Grandmother's cabin and not having a TV. She was a very religious woman and you did not do anything on the Lord's day. He also had a bully when he was in Page that he did not look forward to seeing on Monday. He always got a little depressed about going back to the grind of school. College was the same due to the amount of classes and homework he had.
Bill-Christmas-1964
During our whole 33 day ordeal, in the back of our minds, once in a while, we thought that Heather might not make it. But it was not the focus of our thinking and our actions. We left Saturday night, April 18th, after tucking in our turnip, we still had the hope of getting a trach on Monday and moving forward. I kept saying to myself that when she came out of all this and was in rehab she was going to look at me with those big blue eyes, with tears and ask me why didn't I just let her die. I knew that she and us would have a long road ahead, but we just kept pushing toward the day when she was well again.
Heather at the Grand Canyon-2004
My Sunday morning, April 19th, did not begin well and then went to the the second worst day of my life. It began with me finding out that Rusty had died and having to tell Bill. Bill got to grieve about 2 hours before our nightmare began. As I stood there and listened to the words of Dr. Zachariah, the beginning of the shock began to set in. We had come to the end of the road. We thought at that point that we had to make the decision to stop life support. Bill and I left the hospital on that Sunday night knowing that on Monday we would be stopping. We did not want Heather to go through anymore. Bill's point was he needed to know for sure that she was gone. Not that we just gave up. He needed to know 100%. How do you know? Are you doing the right thing? It is something that no parent should ever have to make about a child. Ever!!!
Monday morning came, we had decided to talk to the doctors one more time and get everything answered, but we still stuck to our decision to stop today. There are things that doctors know that you don't know. Nurses and doctors keep things from the family. I really did not think that it worked that way, but no matter how on top of things you are, they still keep things that they are thinking from you. Dr. Anthony for a moment gave us hope that things were going to get better. It was a very confusing time. We told her our decision and she told us to wait and see how the day went. This was her way of saying that things were getting bad fast. Maybe in the end we would not have to make the decision. Heather would do it for us. Moment by moment and hour by hour we watched as her number went down. There are only 2 things that Heather ever did fast in her entire life; her birth and her death. Heather made the decision. We as her parents are thankful that we did not have to stop life support. She did it herself.
As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I
have chosen you out of the world. John 15:19b
So....with all that. What was my point? To the rest of the world it is just a Sunday and a Monday. No big deal. I am not sure how long it will be before it can just be a Sunday and a Monday again. It may never be a Sunday and a Monday ever in my life. Every one has begun to count the months while I still count the days and weeks...To the world it has nearly been 5 months; to me it has been 21 weeks or 137 days. It is trying to find out how to survive Sunday and Monday.
Sherry-3 years old-1968Bill told me that his Sundays were about the same. He can remember going to his Grandmother's cabin and not having a TV. She was a very religious woman and you did not do anything on the Lord's day. He also had a bully when he was in Page that he did not look forward to seeing on Monday. He always got a little depressed about going back to the grind of school. College was the same due to the amount of classes and homework he had.
Bill-Christmas-1964During our whole 33 day ordeal, in the back of our minds, once in a while, we thought that Heather might not make it. But it was not the focus of our thinking and our actions. We left Saturday night, April 18th, after tucking in our turnip, we still had the hope of getting a trach on Monday and moving forward. I kept saying to myself that when she came out of all this and was in rehab she was going to look at me with those big blue eyes, with tears and ask me why didn't I just let her die. I knew that she and us would have a long road ahead, but we just kept pushing toward the day when she was well again.
Heather at the Grand Canyon-2004My Sunday morning, April 19th, did not begin well and then went to the the second worst day of my life. It began with me finding out that Rusty had died and having to tell Bill. Bill got to grieve about 2 hours before our nightmare began. As I stood there and listened to the words of Dr. Zachariah, the beginning of the shock began to set in. We had come to the end of the road. We thought at that point that we had to make the decision to stop life support. Bill and I left the hospital on that Sunday night knowing that on Monday we would be stopping. We did not want Heather to go through anymore. Bill's point was he needed to know for sure that she was gone. Not that we just gave up. He needed to know 100%. How do you know? Are you doing the right thing? It is something that no parent should ever have to make about a child. Ever!!!
Monday morning came, we had decided to talk to the doctors one more time and get everything answered, but we still stuck to our decision to stop today. There are things that doctors know that you don't know. Nurses and doctors keep things from the family. I really did not think that it worked that way, but no matter how on top of things you are, they still keep things that they are thinking from you. Dr. Anthony for a moment gave us hope that things were going to get better. It was a very confusing time. We told her our decision and she told us to wait and see how the day went. This was her way of saying that things were getting bad fast. Maybe in the end we would not have to make the decision. Heather would do it for us. Moment by moment and hour by hour we watched as her number went down. There are only 2 things that Heather ever did fast in her entire life; her birth and her death. Heather made the decision. We as her parents are thankful that we did not have to stop life support. She did it herself.
As it is, you do not belong to the world, but Ihave chosen you out of the world. John 15:19b
So....with all that. What was my point? To the rest of the world it is just a Sunday and a Monday. No big deal. I am not sure how long it will be before it can just be a Sunday and a Monday again. It may never be a Sunday and a Monday ever in my life. Every one has begun to count the months while I still count the days and weeks...To the world it has nearly been 5 months; to me it has been 21 weeks or 137 days. It is trying to find out how to survive Sunday and Monday.
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