How can 5 months feel like 1 day and 10 years all at the same time? It has been 5 months since she left this earth physically, but the ability to have any kind of reaction died the day she was put on the paralytic drug way back on April 3rd. As out of the ordinary as opening your eyes and moving while on a vent is, I did not have any idea of how much I would miss it when it was gone. The last time I visited Heather before the paralytic, Bill told her that I was here. Heather opened her eyes and tried to put her arms around me to hug me. I hugged her, told her “I loved her, to rest and go back to sleep. Momy is not going anywhere”. She closed her eyes and rested.
It is beginning to cool off here finally. I am trying to figure out where my year and the seasons have gone. I counted it all up and from April 10, 2008-April 20, 2009. Out of 375 days, I spent 100 days in the hospital. This is not counting the actual doctor appointments or lab visits. I guess that is why I don’t remember anything. That is a long time to spend in the hospital. No wonder the nurses and staff at the hospital feel like old friends and family. I spent more time them than I did my family.
It was my goal as a mom to begin my daughter’s jewelry collections. When they were thirteen I began getting them a piece of Helzberg Jewelry for birthdays, graduations and other special events. One of Heather’s favorite necklaces when she was younger was her sapphire butterfly. Going through cancer was no exception to the jewelry rule. Right before we got the diagnosis I bought Heather a heart necklace that was engraved with something I really loved. It says, “To the world you may be one person, But to me you are the world“. Heather wore this necklace 24/7 during her treatment.
Heather always believed herself to be a princess. This was never more true than being on the 6th floor. Ranie, a sweet aide on 6, told me after she died that they never had a princess on 6 before Heather came, never. This was really when the whole princess thing began for Heather. Even Dr. Fastenberg recognized her as a princess. He called her princess on several occasions. It seemed only fitting that when Heather was half way through treatments for me to buy her a diamond crown necklace. She then wore this necklace 24/7 during her treatment.
When Heather was finished with treatments I bought her the aquamarine birthstone necklace that she wore to her party and her final celebration. It just turned out that the dress matched the necklace. I picked and bought the necklace long before the dress was chosen. Aquamarine is Heather’s birthstone. She never had an aquamarine before. Someone very dear bought Heather the matching earrings as a special gift. I am hoping that maybe..maybe the necklace and earrings will be wore again, on wedding days maybe as the something blue and very, very special.
Heather was thrilled when she was approved for her own Helzberg Jewelry credit card. Her first and only purchase was her 1/2 caret diamond Journey Cancer Ribbon necklace. The diamonds start small and then gradually bigger as the journey continues. She was so proud of her necklace and wore it 24/7. She slept in it as well. Heather had the necklace on when we went to Banner for the last time. When they came to do the chest xray she took off her necklace and handed to me to hold onto for her. When she was finished I went to hand it back to her. She told me to hang on to it for her till she got out. So, I wear it 24/7 and I sleep in her necklace. I will keep it safe for her.
One of Heather’s favorite comic strips was “Mutts”. She loved "Mooch” the cat and “Earl” the dog that star in the strip. One of her favorite ways to say yes, was “yesh”. That is the way “Mooch” says it. On February 13, 2009, the comic strip “Mutts” ran a comic that had Heather's heart saying in it. The saying moved me again enough to cut it out and save it. I found it when I was cleaning things the other day. It is really something how all these things pop up and they are all related somehow.
It is beginning to cool off here finally. I am trying to figure out where my year and the seasons have gone. I counted it all up and from April 10, 2008-April 20, 2009. Out of 375 days, I spent 100 days in the hospital. This is not counting the actual doctor appointments or lab visits. I guess that is why I don’t remember anything. That is a long time to spend in the hospital. No wonder the nurses and staff at the hospital feel like old friends and family. I spent more time them than I did my family.
It was my goal as a mom to begin my daughter’s jewelry collections. When they were thirteen I began getting them a piece of Helzberg Jewelry for birthdays, graduations and other special events. One of Heather’s favorite necklaces when she was younger was her sapphire butterfly. Going through cancer was no exception to the jewelry rule. Right before we got the diagnosis I bought Heather a heart necklace that was engraved with something I really loved. It says, “To the world you may be one person, But to me you are the world“. Heather wore this necklace 24/7 during her treatment.
Heather always believed herself to be a princess. This was never more true than being on the 6th floor. Ranie, a sweet aide on 6, told me after she died that they never had a princess on 6 before Heather came, never. This was really when the whole princess thing began for Heather. Even Dr. Fastenberg recognized her as a princess. He called her princess on several occasions. It seemed only fitting that when Heather was half way through treatments for me to buy her a diamond crown necklace. She then wore this necklace 24/7 during her treatment.
When Heather was finished with treatments I bought her the aquamarine birthstone necklace that she wore to her party and her final celebration. It just turned out that the dress matched the necklace. I picked and bought the necklace long before the dress was chosen. Aquamarine is Heather’s birthstone. She never had an aquamarine before. Someone very dear bought Heather the matching earrings as a special gift. I am hoping that maybe..maybe the necklace and earrings will be wore again, on wedding days maybe as the something blue and very, very special.
Heather was thrilled when she was approved for her own Helzberg Jewelry credit card. Her first and only purchase was her 1/2 caret diamond Journey Cancer Ribbon necklace. The diamonds start small and then gradually bigger as the journey continues. She was so proud of her necklace and wore it 24/7. She slept in it as well. Heather had the necklace on when we went to Banner for the last time. When they came to do the chest xray she took off her necklace and handed to me to hold onto for her. When she was finished I went to hand it back to her. She told me to hang on to it for her till she got out. So, I wear it 24/7 and I sleep in her necklace. I will keep it safe for her.
One of Heather’s favorite comic strips was “Mutts”. She loved "Mooch” the cat and “Earl” the dog that star in the strip. One of her favorite ways to say yes, was “yesh”. That is the way “Mooch” says it. On February 13, 2009, the comic strip “Mutts” ran a comic that had Heather's heart saying in it. The saying moved me again enough to cut it out and save it. I found it when I was cleaning things the other day. It is really something how all these things pop up and they are all related somehow.
Sherry,
ReplyDeleteU are the best mom ever besides mine... U ROCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't ever forget that!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOts Of LOve,
Lynn