What's the worse thing that could happen,
What's the worse that they could do.
Threaten me with heaven if they wanted to,
Threaten me with heaven, that's all they can do,
Threaten me with heaven, I believe that it's true,
Threaten me with heaven,
I'll be waiting on you.
~Amy Grant~
Vince Gill's version
Amy Grant's version
Amy's ex father-in-law came home from a doctor's appointment. When he saw his family he said he had some bad news. He said "they had threatened him with heaven." Of course what else would this multi-talented woman do but set out to write a song with some other friends about this topic. This song has come to light again as the drummer for Amy's band committed suicide and Amy sang this song at his funeral. Her husband, Vince Gill, has also done a version of this song that is making a hit on YouTube. I like both versions so I have included both above.
It all makes it sound so simple that of course to the Christian, heaven is the ultimate goal. I really do understand that concept. It is the idea that my daughter went to heaven first. This goes against the "normal" order of life. Children do not die first. I believe the older a child gets the harder it is when they die on the parents. You have the birthday cards, Christmas memories and all the times, good and bad, shared together. These memories run through your mind over and over and over and over. Everything you do you wonder in the back of your mind, "what if Heather were here? How would this be different?" The death of a child changes the family dynamics forever.
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| Mother's Day-2008 |
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| Inside of homemade card |
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| Peridot earrings |
I noticed a sign on a neighbors garage door this past week. It was a welcome home for their son. He has been away for 2 years on his mission. There is very limited contact when they are away. I remember when he left. It was right after Heather died. As I drove by I was thinking I wish I could have a sign on my door saying WELCOME HOME HEATHER!! I would give everything all my money, house and my life to have 2 seconds with Heather again. While I was happy for this family they they would be having celebrations for their son's return, I couldn't help but be a bit envious that they have something I want so badly~their whole family together. I am at the candy store window, on the outside looking through the glass at what I cannot have.
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| Valentine's Day-2009 |
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| Valentine's Day 2009 |
In my searching for photos and letters for all my Mother's Day blogs I came across other memories as well. I found the last Valentine's Day card, last Christmas card and the last card Heather ever gave me. I sat there and cried that these were the last cards. No more cards, notes or photos. I remembered that last Mother's Day Heather was here. The week and weekend was full of lots of things; Lynn and Linda were visiting and Jenn graduated from ASU. Saturday we ventured to the mall. Heather got into a wheel chair and went to look for a gift. We did not know at the time that she was low on blood and platelets. She went to Helzberg Diamonds and bought me peridot teardrop earrings. She bought them for several reasons. Peridot is the birthstone for Margaret Coombe. The color of the stone is a lime green with is the color for Lymphoma. The shape of a teardrop was for all my tears I had cried during her being sick. This was not just a gift she randomly picked out. There was a great deal of thought behind a simple gift of a pair of earrings. She apologized for giving me a handmade card. She had not had the time, strength or energy to go get a Mother's Day card. I honestly didn't expect anything. The whole day, gifts and everything was perfect. This would be the last time Mother's Day would be perfect.
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| Last card-Given in March-had just started at PIMA Medical |
There are not many things that can scare me anymore. I have heard the words your "daughter has cancer, there is nothing more we can do for your daughter and she is gone now." There is not really anything more that I could hear that would scare me more that what I have already heard. I agree with the words of this song...what can be done now? threaten me with heaven? Bring it on. I have a good reason to go. Heaven looks better everyday.............
I can see the tears upon your face,
No hiding place,
You're afraid that soon I will be gone,
Time will still move on.
You're searching for the answers you can't find,
All in good time....
~Threaten Me With Heaven~
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