Mother Number Two..

My life after Jo Beth died was very interesting. It was just my dad and me; and I actually liked it that way. We never ate a meal at home, mostly eating at Sambo's Restaurant. This included my daily strawberry waffles with a coke for breakfast before I headed off to school. My dad was an insurance salesman and made the restaurant his office. He also began dating. He had many women over a short period of time. Most nights we would go over to the woman's house for dinner. My dad and the woman would be in the bedroom for hours. I would watch TV on the couch and fall asleep. In the early hours of the morning my dad would wake me up to go home. What a life for a 9 year old. But I feel that my dad was enjoying his freedom for the first time in many years as well.

The women that my dad dated were interesting to say the least. There was Joy-she had 3 kids. Her daughter was born with severe medical problems and had been in a hospital her whole life. She also had 2 boys that were younger than me. Joy would take off her shoes and throw them down the hallway at them to get the boys to behave. Then came Willie...short for Wilma. She was a waitress at Sambo's. She had 4 kids, three of them were older than me. She lived in a trailer and I thought it quite interesting to visit. Willie was the one for sure that was always trying to get my dad into bed. Her kids were no different as her 17 year old son, Terry, sexually molested me for a couple of months. He told me that my dad would think I was horrible and get rid of me. I had just lost Jo Beth and he knew the right things to say to a scared little girl. Then my dad dated a very fancy rich woman. She was very snooty and her idea was to ship me off the a school as soon as she had the chance. This one only lasted through 2 dates. 

My final Ballet recital-4 dances

Me in the middle..Tenessa to the right of me was my good friend

 My dad then went to Parents Without Partners support group at a local church. This is where he met Norma. They began dating in June 1975. This time it was different dating Norma. She was very nice and seemed happy all the time. She cooked very good meals, made and decorated cakes and could sew. This was important as I never had a mother who could sew. Norma had 2 sons...Steve who was 18 and had just graduated high school and Donald who was nearly 8. The thing that I noticed was that the house was a mess. The front room was tidy but the rest of the house was a mess. I liked that she was not a clean freak.

Daddy, Norma, Donald and I would do things together on the weekends. I enjoyed the fact that we got out and did things together. For the first time in my life we went to the county fair and I rode the Ferris wheel. For my 10th birthday Norma made me a cake. She made it and decorated it. I was never so thrilled in my life. Norma began making a few shirts for me as well. I liked the idea of a mother that made special things for me. I had never felt special. I seemed to get along with the boys. I had never had brothers, but the older one Steve didn't hang out with us and I could boss Donald around some. It seemed to be perfect.

Steve, Donald, Daddy-Jim, Norma and Me-Wedding Day 10/10/75

 Daddy and Norma were married on Friday, October 10, 1975 at Central Baptist Church in Farmington. It was a very small ceremony but very fun. I had never really been to a party like that before. One of the best things was that Norma's parents were both still alive. I got a Mamaw and a Papaw in the deal as well. The first hard task was to stay with them while Daddy and Norma went on their honeymoon. This was very uncomfortable for me to do. I had wanted to stay with a teacher friend, but everyone thought it would be good for the family if I stayed with the new grandparents.

Norma came into our house and changing everything. She moved everything in the kitchen, moved all the furniture and simply changed things because she could. This also meant that I could not sleep with my dad. I had been sleeping with my parents in some way since I was 5 years old. This was a huge shock but Donald was in the next room through the door we shared. Trying to get used to new people in the house and a new routine was hard. But it seemed like everything I knew before was gone. Daddy and I were no longer able to visit with all the teacher friends we had before. I had to change schools and stop all my ballet and piano lessons too. My family doctor was changed as well.. Her doctor liked to give shots for everything and smelled like a cow. He was a rancher as well as a doctor.

Christmas 1975

Like with any new relationship once the honeymoon period wears off it gets tough. The beginning of the end of a seemingly happy home began to unravel on Mother's Day 1976. Daddy had wanted to take me to the cemetery to put flowers on Jo Beth's grave. It didn't seem like a huge deal to me, but this was the beginning of World War III in our home that lasted till I got married in 1983.  Norma could not understand why we had to do this on Mother's Day. A huge fight occurred. I was not happy as well over this weekend; I had a staph infection and had to go to her doctor Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I received a shot all three days. Should not be a huge deal, but it was to me. I hated her doctor. This weekend was the beginning of the end for our relationship.

Norma like to control her boys. She liked telling them what to do and having them hang on her apron strings. I was not that way. I had my own mind and my own way of thinking. I was not going to submit to her wanting to control everything in my life. We began fighting and yelling at each other on a regular basis. We would go weeks and not speak to each other. Walking past each other and living in the same house without speaking is never a good thing. Everyone began eating dinner in their own rooms. We were 5 people living in the same house but we never talked at all. I would learn later that Norma had gotten her mother involved. Norma's father had 2 children from an earlier marriage. Mamaw had told my dad that she had given Papaw an ultimatum, either me or your kids, you cannot have both. My dad spoke up and said fine, if I have to chose Norma over Sherry, she had to chose me over her boys. Neither one would give up their kids. This was a very loveless, unhappy family for the 8 long years I lived in this house.

Mamaw, Daddy-Jim, Norma and Me-1st and only camping trip 1976

Norma was never abusive on a physical level. She would just ignore me, make promises and not follow through and never treated me like I was her daughter. I was the only one in the house that had required chores. Everyday I had to clean the kitchen and on the weekends I had to vacuum and dust. Donald and Steve were not required to do anything. I felt very much like Cinderella and the wicked step-mother. It really got ugly when Bill and I began dating. I was almost 15 and Bill was nearly 20. Norma could not get over the age difference. At Thanksgiving 1980 she threw Bill out of the house and told him never to come back or contact me again. This made me want to run away from home. Bill and I continued to write letters and see each other secretly. A little later on, she wanted to take me to the doctor because I was sick. I actually did run away that morning. I called and told my dad no more would I go to her doctor. I wanted my own doctor. Christmas 1982 we had our biggest fight ever. I had been seeing Bill on a regular basis when he was home from college. I was staying the night at Bill's parent's house off and on for months. I decided to tell Norma that I was going to see Bill and there was nothing she could say about it. We yelled and fought and I told her I wanted nothing for Christmas. Take everything back and I would be spending Christmas Eve with Bill's family. When I returned home I opened my presents alone. But they had gotten a gift for Bill. It was a very odd Christmas.

Norma and I just never got along. I would leave the house when she would get home from work and stay gone till my dad got home. I just didn't want to be around her. Bill and I came to tell them we were engaged and getting married. Norma refused to come into the living room and listen. We had a fight in the kitchen. Then her son, Steve who was 26 and still sponging off mom, came into the kitchen and called me a brat. I overheard this and came back to let Steve have it. I hit home when I told him I was not a baby who couldn't leave his mommy. Steve grabbed me by the neck and threw me up against the dining room wall. His arm was back in a fist ready to punch me hard. Bill could see what was happening and jumped up. Steve backed off and let me go. I left the house and threatened not to come back.

Donald and Me at Carlsbad Caverns in 1977

Norma did nothing for me beginning with my 16th birthday. She never acknowledged it was my birthday or any other kind of day at all. She ignored my 17th and 18th birthday as well. No card, nothing from her. Norma then wanted to make my wedding dress and control the wedding. I had already found my wedding dress and wanted her to make the cake. Once she found out she could not make my dress she was finished with helping me. She did not come to my bridal shower as well. On the morning of my wedding I was walking out to the church with my dress when she told me that she didn't approve of my marriage and she would not be attending. She gave it 6 months and when if fell apart I had no home to come back to because I was not welcomed there anymore. 

Norma and I made amends in 1984. This only lasted a short time. Just long enough for me to sign away my rights when my dad died. I had asked for a few items from my childhood. The items I asked for belonged to Jo Beth and Daddy. Not even hers to begin with. She agreed to give them to me I just needed to sign away my rights. Daddy died with no will. Everything was left to me since she was his 2nd wife. Norma made promises to my girls that she never followed through on. I can deal with broken promises but did not feel that my girls should have to. Norma was upset when I found my birth mother. This was the real beginning of the end.  I guess she was jealous or something,  I am not sure. I felt our relationship was failing and I had asked her son Donald who still lived in MY childhood home, if I could come get a few items that belongs to me. Photo albums and things. (Which she sold my childhood home and moved into her mother's house. All of my things were given away.)  He of course told Norma what I planned to do. I did get the photo albums, but nothing else. The final time I went to speak with Norma she told me that if I wanted to have a relationship with her, I had to have it with her sons too. It was all or none. Really hit the meaning of unconditional love of a mother home with me. 

My 12th Birthday..the last cake I ever got

Again, this was a woman who had the opportunity to give love and support to a child. She could not let go of herself enough to love me as her own. I was not flesh of her flesh...so again this hit home the statement that I needed to find my own birth mother..she would love me..she had to. Birth mother had to love their own babies....boy was I in for a shock...