A Brick.....

So this is just the sad version of me..

I like the idea that somewhere out there

I am having a good time..

~Rabbit Hole~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EyHcaoOIHk

Heather & Dady at Scholarship Camp~July 4, 2003

With each holiday it is another reminder of the one that is not here. The big holidays are the expected ones that hurt and hurt big. But the smaller ones can be just as painful. The memories of food, fun, fireworks and splashing by the pool all come flooding back. The simple task of fixing potato salad can become a huge pain in my heart. I remember the holidays when we did nothing special but now seem like the best days ever. Memorial Day, the 4th of July and Labor Day are not big days around our house. Usually we grill something, I make potato salad, ranch beans, corn on the cob and a chocolate cake. How can a simple, ordinary meal become so tangled in memories. 

Homemade German Chocolate Cake~no box mix here

Homemade hot rolls~no box mix here

 Heather and everyone in my family love my homemade potato salad. It is nothing special, except it contains no onions. It is very simple, yet time consuming to make. This is one of two dishes I make with real whole shelled eggs. As I stood in the kitchen and cut warm potatoes my mind and heart were flooded with thoughts of Heather.  Her flipping into the kitchen for a soda or watching TV...waiting with anticipation for dinner. When everything is ready and we begin to eat it is ever so clear the spot where Heather sat will forever be empty.

Chocolate cake with sprinkles

Homemade potato salad~no box mix here

Food makes memories. So much of our lives revolve around food. Every special gathering from holidays to graduations to weddings to showers to football games to funerals all have food of some kind. We are a people that live to eat. Food becomes traditions and these traditions become memories. To this day over 2 years later I have not made a meatloaf. This was the last home cooked meal I made before Heather died. She skipped class as she was not feeling good. She was thrilled to stay home and eat my meatloaf fresh from the oven with all the fixings. Little did I know at the time that 3 short days later she would be in the hospital never to come home again. I do feel blessed that I was able to make Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinners for Heather. She loved my holiday meals.

Thanksgiving ~2006

Christmas~2008

Heather getting Christmas dinner 2008

 It was not my plan to grill or make potato salad or a chocolate cake today. It just sort of happened at the last minute. It was a quiet dinner as Wendy and Pea were gone to a party. I did buy sparklers about 3 weeks ago to set off tonight. Wendy and Pea did come home for about half an hour to change clothes. We all went into the backyard and laughed and giggled as we lit sparklers. Just like we did after the ball when we came home and lit the leftover sparklers in the backyard. Laughing and giggling and life was good. So, Heather is my brick that I carry in my pocket.....and that's okay....I like her there...

I see you up there Aunt Missy~Happy 4th of July!!!