Necklaces, Rings and Other Treasures...

How do I get through one night without you

If I had to live without you

What kind of life would that be

Oh and I, I need you in may arms

Need you to hold

You're my world, my heart, my soul

If you ever leave

Baby, you would take away everything good in my life..

~Trisha Yearwood~"How Do I Live"

How long before you begin to go through your daughter's things. All the boxes and plastic totes that now hold every piece of her life. It is a horrible thing to walk in the garage and know that everything that belonged to your daughter in is a box. Her life is boxed, taped and sitting...and sitting...and sitting. There are plastic totes that live under my bed. These totes contain all the most precious things to Heather. All her Christmas ornaments, porcelain dolls and her prized polly pockets were lovingly packed and placed under my bed several years ago by Heather herself. Each night before I get in bed, I usually kick one of the totes...

 Top of white flower necklace-May, 2008

I have Heather's jewelry, makeup and perfume in my room. Except for the perfume that still sits on the shelf in Pea's room (Heather's room). These will be coming to my room in the next day or so. A few weeks ago I found a bracelet and a ring that were in her things that I love to wear now. I have gotten into designers, perfume, bracelets and rings. It makes me feel closer to Heather. When I wear her white flowered ring, I get the most complements on how lovely it is. Searched high and low to find the necklace and finally found it today. Whew!!!

Heather's ring and necklace~everyone loves

I took some time a went through the totes under my bed last week. I was able to get rid of a few things. Some junkie things that I have no attachment to what so ever. That stuff, what little there was, went to Goodwill...other things that she loved and treasured that I am not keeping are NOT going to Goodwill. So I have begun to find homes for a few of these items. One of the things that Bill and I began when Jenn turned 1 year old was the GrowingUp Birthday Dolls. These are porcelain dolls that count your birthday years from 1 to 16. Little did we know we would have 3 daughters to buy these for. However, each one of the girls loved and looked forward each year to getting her doll. So, what to do with all16 of Heather's dolls. I kept the #1 and the #16. Heather had to have the musical sweet 16 doll. I needed a special place for these to go. These little dolls are going to Emily, Cousin Steve and Cousin Amy's daughter. Heather sang at their wedding. I know that Heather would be so pleased with Emily having these dolls.

Heather's GrowingUp Dolls~2yrs-15yr

Heather loved Gwen Stefani~Harajuku Lovers and Betsy Johnson. (Any designer she loved) She had gotten me into Harajuku. Harajuku came out with doll perfume around the time of my birthday in 2008. Heather bought all 5 of the perfume dolls and then bought me "Music" Lover doll perfume for my birthday. Harajuku "Music" doll is my signature scent. Today at Macy's I found a "Music" Lover doll face ring. It called my name. Along with a Betsy Johnson heart, flower, worm ring last night. Heather would be thrilled that Momy has gotten so into designers.

Harajuku Lovers "Music" perfume Heather bought me for 

my birthday in 2008~"Music" ring I bought today

Betsy Johnson ring~very Heather...

I bought at Dillards yesterday..

I have had several people over the course of 2 years tell me that I am very open and brutally honest with my feelings. I recently received an email from a woman I have never met telling me thank you for my honesty and sharing my feelings. I know that some of these posts are difficult to read. I have tried over the past 2 years to help friends and family understand an small fraction of what I feel. I have lost many along the way...some have said it is too difficult to read. My thoughts on that are this...if this is difficult for you to read and look at...imagine how terribly, horribly, awful this is for me to live day after day after day after day...I can't wake up from this nightmare that is my life. When you lose a parent, spouse or sibling there are usually people that come to your aid and help you through your grieving. A parent who loses a child usually does it alone. It is too difficult for people to imagine who have not been there themselves. They begin to think about how terrible it would be to lose one of their children and they can not deal with it. It is simply better to walk away. Many people have walked away, but for everyone that walks away, God has given us new people to come along side and help us...Thank you!!

"For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten SON....God gave His SON!!! God did not give His brother, sister, mother, cousin, spouse or friend. He gave His SON. God knew that this would be the toughest loss a person can suffer. God gave His SON..so that grieving mothers can turn to Him and He says...I understand. I don't care what anyone says...losing a child is the toughest loss there is in the world.