Fly...

Baby blue staring in the window pane just counting drops of rain
Wondering if she's got the guts to take it
 Running down her dreams in a dirty dress, now her heart's a mess
Praying that she'll find a way to make it
So keep on climbing, though the ground might shake
Just keep on reaching though the limb might break
We've come this far, don't you be scared now
Cause you can learn to fly on the way down…

Heather didn’t seem scared of much or at least she didn’t let on that she was scared. She marched herself down to tell me she was flying to South Carolina to visit a friend she met on a chat site. Of course I was concerned but for no reason. During that trip Heather found the big eyed turtles, or “Dupe eyes” as we call them. (She had a way of looking up at you with her big blue eyes that would make you give into her. Even the nurses noticed her “Dupe eyes.”) Heather was a very giving person and she brought back a brown and yellow turtle for me and her and then a small, tiny one for Jenn. I managed to find a small one and a big turtle for her right before she went back into the hospital again. I still have my original turtle and I gave Wendy the turtle that Heather had in her car.

The other night for Gigi’s birthday we all went to Paz and Jenn’s place. Snooks was looking around and playing with all of Gigi’s things she had out and she found the tiny turtle. She asked Gigi if she could have it as she fell in love with it. Gigi told her no because Aunt Missy bought it for her. So Mimi found one on EBay and bought it right away. If it was anything else I might not have been so easily convinced to buy it, but it is a very special turtle. It arrived in fast order and of course Snooks loves it, and her Aunt Missy would be happy.

Snooks, turtle and Mimi

Searching for a sign in the night, even like a lonely string of lights
That'll burn just long enough for you to see it
The road's been long and lonely and you feel like giving up
There's more to this than just the breath you're breathing

So keep on climbing, though the ground might shake
Just keep on reaching though the limb might break
We've come this far, don't you be scared now
Cause you can learn to fly on the way down…

So here it is getting close to the 6^th anniversary and my mood has changed. I have a deep overwhelming feeling of sadness that is very hard to explain. My body and heart knows even if I don’t know the dates on the calendar. I am very busy with work and I like keeping busy, but also feel an extreme amount of fatigue that is not normal. I also have had a new craving…for cinnamon. The lemon lasted a year and I smelled a cinnamon/sugar pretzel at work the other day and that was it. All I want is cinnamon everything and I smell it everywhere. I have no idea how long this will last. This time of year has not gotten any easier nor have the memories gone away. I have not gotten over “it.” I am simply learning how to “fly” on the way down memory lane during this time of year.

Mimi and Lil E

On The Way Down
You won't forget the heavy steps it took to let it go
Close your eyes, count to ten, hold your breath
And fly

Keep on climbing, though the ground might shake
Just keep on reaching though the limb might break
We've come this far, don't you be scared now
Cause you can learn to fly on the way down

Ohh-oh, oh-oh
Fly
Fly

~Maddie and Tae