Confessions of a Grieving Mother: Where Are You Christmas?..

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play…

As parents you build with great anticipation towards Christmas Day and the gifts you have purchased for you kids and how much they will love the perfect gift. I can remember Jenn wanting a Baby Feels So Real and I actually found one and had her wrapped under the tree. It was with great joy as we watched Wendy unwrap her “chickie”-Big Bird house and squeal with delight. Or see the look on Heather’s face as she got the Minnie Mouse house with 2 dolls and she nearly had tears she was so happy.

I spent many hours each holiday season picking out just the right gifts for each of the girls. This still continues today. Some of the gifts may be alike in nature but they are personalized to fit each one of the girls. I tried to make Christmas very special for them. While I was picking out the right gifts for the girls it was their turn to pick just the right gifts for Mom and Dad too.

I can remember taking the girls shopping for Christmas for Dad. Jenn and Wendy had their set gifts that they went to each year. Jenn was usually a tie or shirt and Wendy was cologne or soap on a rope type of things. It was always very sweet to see their faces light up when they found what they thought to be their perfect gift.

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go…

Heather on the other hand was very different and unique. She had to look and search for the perfect gift. Nothing routine and simple, Heather had to be different. For Christmas 1991 we lived in Minnesota. Target Headquarters is in Minneapolis. They had stores called Target Greatland that is like the Super Target today. Target used to have holiday themes in the past that would include their stores decorated with the items and stuffies to sell as well. That holiday season it was Ginger & Spice Gingerbread. Target went all out and even had Gingerbreads on Ice shows.

It was Christmas Eve and Heather still did not have a gift for Bill. Not sure why but the girls and I were out shopping and stopped at Target Greatland as out last stop before going home. The moment 4 year old Heather walked in the door her mind was made up. She walked right over to the display and picked the LARGE sized boy gingerbread and told me with her deep blue eyes that she wanted the “din-ginbread” boy for her gift for her Dady. I could not talk her out of it. It was on clearance and so I bought it. Heather was thrilled to no end. We came home and wrapped it up and put it under the tree for Christmas morning.

DIN-GENBREAD...

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time...

As Christmas morning came and the presents were opened Heather could hardly stand to see her Dady open his gift. She handed it to him and giggled and put her hands over her mouth in proud anticipation of the gift she had chosen. When he opened it she squealed with delight as she told him Dady I bought you a “din-genbread” boy!! Of course Bill was thrilled and hugged her but gave me the look as what in the world do we do with this? Heather had simple child love for her gift of she had chosen.

Tush tag

Over the years the “din-genbread” boy became a topic of many happy memories. As Heather got older she realized the simple innocence of her gift. She even at 12, 16 and 21 looked forward to great happiness as every year the “din-genbread” boy she had given came out to adorn our holidays. It is with many memories and tears that this little boy sits under our tree each year since Heather died. It is a reminder of happier and simpler times. The days before a parent’s worst nightmare became my reality.

Heather also loved Hello Kitty and this is where I have begun my infatuation with Hello Kitty. (Ok, ok..more than infatuation with my Kitty Truck!!) This year Build A Bear came out with a Hello Kitty Gingerbread. I knew instantly that I needed this Kitty to be added to a special collection of “din-genbreads”. The day after Thanksgiving I did not go shopping for gifts. My eye was set on the prize of a Gingerbread Hello Kitty. It was with childlike joy as I picked the best unstuffed body, pushed the stuffer pedal, kissed and placed 3 hearts inside the Kitty before she was sewn up. I feel very good that “din-genbread” boy has a new gingerbread friend.

unstuffed Ginger-kitty

So as the gifts are bought think about the impact that they might have on the person receiving them. As you are a parent helping your child pick out the perfect gifts for mom, dad, siblings or grandparents think about the memories that could be made. Let’s remember the amount of the gift doesn’t matter as much as the heart behind it. So if you child wants to buy a Barbie for her mom or a truck for his dad, let them pick the gift they feel shows their love this holiday season. You never know when that little Barbie or truck may become a prized treasure.