Genes, I have learned, do not make a
family…
Families are the people that stick
around
through good and bad times.
Sadness is a part of life.
Choosing to be happy and see the glass
half full
is a struggle we all must make…*
Of course it is June and you all knew
that I would have to mention my biological sperm donor. I am much stronger than
I was nearly 6 months ago. I have to say that I barely ever think about HIM at all. I am glad that HE no longer takes any of my precious time
or energy. HE isn’t worth my thoughts
or time.
I found out that HE told his wife lies and has told everyone in town that I am after
his money. I have news for you, if I am after his money or black mailing HIM I kind of have to keep the
relationship going and not end it permanently. Kind of hard to wrap my head
around that lie. HE also has sort of
glossed over the fact of the $30,000 red sports car HE bought me. Lola just goes along with what HE says because that way she doesn’t have to think for herself.
.JPG)
I am hoping that HE is enjoying the decisions HE
made for himself. I was the most valued treasure HE could possibly have and HE
threw me away for sex. Not only what in the world would I see in a feeble 74
year old man with no teeth, but let alone HE is my father. HE is nothing more than a sexual pervert and deviant. I have no
idea how in the world HE thought any
of his thoughts were ok but to follow thru and actually try to have sex with
me, his own daughter is beyond my comprehension. Life is about choices and
there are consequences for those actions, good or bad. HE made choices that HE
never should have made and HE should
be punished and be serving time in jail for what HE tried to do to me.
My biological sperm donor is a very
selfish man, looking only to gratify himself as much as possible while still
projecting to the world a selfless and caring man.*
A father is the first male influence
in his daughter’s life. A father is supposed to be the kind of man his daughter
wants to grow up and marry. Most girls grow up thinking about their dad’s when
they are apart and long for time together. This is not always the case, but in
most women’s lives this is true. Thank goodness I did not have this man’s
influence in my life growing up. I feel very sorry for my siblings who had to
endure his anger and lies their entire life. I was the lucky one that was given
away.
.JPG) |
| Gotcha-8 months old |
A father’s touch is simply different from
day one. They have strong hands and arms to hold the baby daughter safe and
secure. Just a touch of his hand can offer security as the daughter gets older
as she is scared and reaches out to hold his hand. Daughters carry their father
with them even when they are not there.
.JPG) |
| Puppy, me and daddy-2 years old |
I can honestly say that I had the kind
of Daddy I described above and his name was Jimmy J Blake and he died in 1990.
He has been removed from my birth certificate and I cannot change that. (But oh
how I wish I could) It does not change the fact that the only man who will ever
be my Daddy. I miss him a lot recently and I feel badly for ever opening
the door to find my biological sperm donor. Actually I regret the day I found either
of my parents. I grew up as an only child, no aunt, uncles or cousins, brothers
or sisters. It was me and that was it. Now I have a bitch for a birth mother
and a pr*#k for a birth father. I also have 9 half brothers and sisters who
seem to blame me for what happened and really want nothing to do with me. I
have 4 aunts and 2 uncles that never have had anything to do with me and most haven’t
even met me. Then I have 30-40 cousins and have not met them either. I have a
huge extended family that wants nothing to do with me. Honestly I like it that
way. I always dreamed of what having a family would be like, but I don’t
anymore. They have managed to shatter the hopes and dreams of a very lonely girl
who only wanted to be loved and wanted by her real family.
There is a movie coming out entitled “People
Like Us’…based on a true story about a grown man whose father dies and he
learns he has a grown half-sister he never knew about. Chris Pine, Olivia
Wilde, Michelle Pfeiffer and Elizabeth
Banks are the stars in this film. She remembers her father driving away from
her and her mother. I feel this movie is going to hit way to close to my life. I love the part where she reads her father’s
obituary at an AA meeting and it doesn’t mention her and she says, it’s official,
I don’t exist!!! That is the story of my life, I don’t and never have existed
as far as my family has been concerned.
This is the trailer to the movie….I
encourage everyone to go see this heartwarming movie.
With this being said, I will not
mention my biological gestational unit or my biological sperm donor again. They
are not worth my words, my thoughts or my time. I have more respect for myself
than to think about any of them anymore. Which this is very easy to say but the
hurt will never go away and the rejection will be there forever.
 |
| My 10th Birthday |
Genes, I have learned, do not make a
family…
*~A Stolen Life~Jaycee Dugard~
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