Beauty...or Something Like That...

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.” ~Dorothy Parker

How many times have we told someone “oh what a cute baby!”, when really we are thinking tie a bone around his neck so the dog will play with him. Let’s be honest here, everyone wants a pretty or beautiful baby. Why is that? Looks change in babies and kids so much over the first few years that some of the most unfortunate looking newborns turn out pretty cute by the time they are 2-3 years old. But in the eyes of the parents and grandparents their child is the most beautiful and stunning child in the world. And that is as it should be. Fortunately I had the most beautiful girls in the world and no I am sure this is correct. 

(Remember my blog I can say what I want..lol)

Amazing inner beauty

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” ~Miss Piggy

Move into elementary school or junior high and there are some really odd looking kids. They hit growth spurts and have missing teeth, or maybe ever a bad haircut to help these awkward years. Kids can be so cruel in school and find anything that is not what they think to be pretty to fight about and make fun of. I think every young girl has had that time in her life when she was taller than everyone or developed before everyone else had or even had acne before the rest. It is a very difficult time for the well-being of a young girl. Heather had difficulties in 5^th grade. She was more mature, taller and had acne. Not a good combination for a 5^th grade girl trying to fit in. Not many physical black eyes were given but Heather received too many emotional black eyes. Of course to me she was beautiful. The best thing about parents is they don’t see the flaws in their children. And until they get older-kids don’t see the flaws in their parents. Their mother is the most beautiful and their dad is the most handsome. This lasts till about high school, but it may be junior high now…

The eyes are the window to the soul

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” ~Sophia Loren

How do you survive being 20 years old and learning you have cancer? Not only are you going to lose all your hair and be bald, you got the only cancer that makes you fat. Leukemia/Lymphoma is known as “moon face” a condition characterized by a rounded, puffy face. It occurs in people treated with large doses of corticosteroids, such as those with chronic asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, or acute leukemia/lymphoma. To me, nothing was more beautiful than Heather bald. She was a fighter and survivor and that was all I could see. I cannot tell you the amount of time Heather cried and thought she was ugly. She just could not see what the rest of us saw. But this is not to say that the world was not very cruel to her. When she would go out bald people would stare. I wanted to turn and tell them yes, go ahead and stare, she is a fighter and more than you will ever know. But try being a 20 year old girl and have no hair …but her eyes, those amazing “dupe eyes” that were the mirror to her soul showed her stunning real beauty.

beauty is in the eyes

Beauty is variable, ugliness is constant.” ~Doug Horton

Acne is such an ugly affliction. There is nothing nice or pretty about red pimples all over your face or the scars they leave. Being a teenager and having acne is bad enough, but try being 20, 30 and 40 and still having acne. Not just little pimples once in a while, I mean full blown cystic acne with big huge red bumps that hurt for weeks. When they go away they leave red scar that last years. Acne is ugly. Being a sufferer of acne since my teens I have tried every over the counter medication and prescription drugs known to man and doctor. I decided to go on Accutane and got some good results but because of major complications I had to come off the treatment before I finished. I had all of 6 months of clear skin before I developed Rosacea.

V-Beam laser machine

Rosacea is a chronic condition characterized by facial erythema (redness). Pimples are sometimes included as part of the definition. Rosacea typically begins as redness on the central face across the cheeks, nose, or forehead, but can also less commonly affect the neck, chest, ears, and scalp. In some cases, additional symptoms, such as semi-permanent redness, telangiectasia (dilation of superficial blood vessels on the face), red domed papules (small bumps) and pustules, red gritty eyes, burning and stinging sensations, and in some advanced cases, a red lobulated nose (rhinophyma), may develop. I have most all these symptoms and am currently on a daily antibiotic and 4 different RX topical medications. I recently had a Rosacea episode in which I had a huge breakout of pimples, cystic ones. I am 46 years old and I am tired of having to deal with skin issues.

Right after-really red

 “Beauty is in the heart of the beholder.” ~Al Bernstein

Being a grieving mother I felt for weeks and months that I had a bull’s-eye over my head with a sign that reads WATCH OUT-GRIEVING MOTHER!!! SUDDEN OUTBURSTS EXPECTED!! Whenever I went out the sign went with me. Everyone could see it and starred at me and felt pity for the sad mother. This of course was not true. But when you already feel like an outcast by being a grieving mother having an extra thing like being overweight or having rosacea makes it very difficult to be confident. Until I went to write this blog I didn’t realize that the feeling has gone. I don’t know when this feeling left but I realized it isn’t here anymore. 

While most everyone I know says they do not see the redness and issues I know it is always there. The telangiectasia-or spider veins have gotten much worse and adds to the redness of my face, especially around my nose. I have been to a cosmetic surgeon who told me with all their technology, he could not help me with the redness. There is currently only one laser called a V-Beam that is attracted to redness and can help the symptoms of rosacea. There is no cure, there are treatments. Honestly the redness bothers me as do the spider veins. I hate wearing heavy makeup trying to cover up the redness only to have the makeup disappear by mid-afternoon. 

About 2 hours after bruising setting in

Vanity is the excessive belief in one's own abilities or attractiveness to others

I don’t believe that I am a vane person, I would just like to feel as confident on the outside as I do on the inside sometimes. Let’s face it…your face is everyone’s first impression of you. Are you smiling, do your eyes shine? Your face and eyes are the mirror to your soul and most people can read your face like a book. Your face is more than just your skin, but the skin helps…So today I had V-beam laser done as a trial. In 80% of patients it clears the redness of the face for a time. Then in only 50% of patients does V-beam get rid of the spider veins permanently. I did a test patch on the right side of my face with both types of V-beam for redness and spider veins. I can honestly say this hurt like hell. I knew it would snap my skin, but was not prepared for the burning skin smell, realizing that is my skin burning. It also really hurt in the most sensitive areas of my cheek and nose. I have swelling and some bruising tonight, but hopefully in a week, I will see amazing results. I have already made the follow up appointment for July 23 to do my entire face providing that this trial worked well. This is not a cure for the redness but will help it not be so red and possibly I would only have to do this every 3-5 yrs. The spider veins will be gone forever. I am willing to put up with some swelling and snapping for a better face for me to feel more confident with.

Tonight-not too bad but still swollen

“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin.  That, or a kick-ass red lipstick.”  ~Gwyneth Paltrow