When I woke up this morning
Wiped the sleep from my eyes
I found a new day dawning
And suddenly I realize
You’re gone…
BEFORE: In time preceding; previously…at
an earlier time…
Every morning just between awake and
sleep there is a split second when my world is right. Everything is as it
should be and Heather is here, alive and healthy. Then I fully wake up to
realize I was only dreaming. I was my imagination tell lies. Life is not nice,
nothing can ever be nice again. Death is a life altering and changing event.
For my life it changed my world in ways I can see and ways I haven’t even
discovered yet.. The woman I was before,
the family we were before, and I
future I envisioned before was all
changed forever. One of the reasons why I like having new friends is that they
don’t expect things to be the way they were before.
The few friends I have left from before
are my very trusted and true friends.
 |
| eyes closed on purpose-silly girl |
Before I never really gave exercise a second
thought as to how it helps get out stress, frustration and anger. I have found
a good fight with a treadmill or a set of weights, or simply beating me at a
time limit can release so much pent up anger. Sweating and breathing hard with
exercise has many benefits. I personally feel better with all those endorphins
flowing freely. Not extremely happy, but my dark moments are better with
exercise. The added benefit is my health and becoming a healthy weight. I had
been postponing formal dress hunting because I didn’t want to know what size I
was or my measurements. But with the Alaskan cruise rapidly approaching I
needed to get busy. I had looked online before
I went to go look so I had a very good idea as to what I wanted. I went back to
Suzanne’s Bridal, the same dress shop that I bought Heather’s ball gown at in
2008. I was actually placed into the same dressing room as she used. I am very
proud to announce that I found “the dress” and am very pleased with my
measurements. I have worked hard and it has paid off. I am officially a size 6
in a formal dress. (all women understand that formals run 1-2 sizes smaller
than your normal size) My dress is being ordered in Navy so I can wear on the cruise and Wendy's wedding in October. I am wearing Heather's blue topaz necklace she wore at the ball with this dress. I also am proud to announce that I have a 28 inch waist.
I can’t even begin to tell you when the last time I had a 28 inch waist. So
besides the stress and anger management, healthy BMI and waist circumference
benefits I am also seeing the shrinking of myself benefit of spending an hour
at the gym sweating. So I think I will keep it up..
.JPG) |
| trying on the dress I fell in love with |
.JPG) |
| Love the bow & very flattering look-that is ME!! |
 |
| actual color |
Tell me I was dreaming
That you didn’t leave me here to cry
You didn’t say you don’t love me
anymore
It was just my imagination telling
lies
Tell me that you didn’t say goodbye..
Before I had never really thought about
going back to school. But now it seems so natural for me to pursue a degree in
strength, nutrition and personal training.
Before I wanted to help cancer patients and I still might go that direction,
but now I am thinking about helping the grieving. The average grieving mother
gains between 50-100 pounds the first year. I understand that very well. All
you want is comfort foods and the idea of cooking is simply not there. I would
like to help grieving people of all backgrounds to channel the anger and stress
to the treadmill and help themselves. I am not sure where I am going with this
degree, but have registered for a nutrition class during the 2nd
summer session and have a full course load this fall. I am excited and ready to
get back to classes and begin pushing forward again towards my goal.
 |
| Snookie leaves pine cones for Aunt Missy |
.JPG) |
| What was actually left when done throwing them |
Before I never gave a second thought to
buying fake flowers on sale or metal signs to decorate a grave site. One thing
I love about our cemetery is that we can place anything we want and it stays
till we take it down. Before I never
knew what solace simply going to the cemetery and sitting, listening to birds
and looking up at the sky as the clouds go by. I have developed a metal sign
and fake flower addiction. Of course Heather’s Spot has to be the cutest
decorated at all times. I plan on changing out the decorations monthly with special
things for holidays. Because of this I had a fun idea. Just like during cancer
I asked for rubber ducks to help me get my ducks in a row. I am now asking for
pink flamingos. Yes, you heard me right. PINK FLAMINGOS!!. I have purchased two
of them and wanted to see if anyone out there would look to find a flamingo and
send it to me to make a herd of pink flamingos. Big, small, plastic or metal,
signs or bells or any other kind would be fun. I plan on covering the entire
plot with as many pink flamingos as possible during a week in August. I just
think it would be fun and very redneck. So if you see a pink flamingo that you
think needs to come my way---SEND IT!! And look for photos of my new herd of
flamingos.
.JPG) |
| Pink Flamingo Project-who will add more? |
I’m in a state of confusion
I hope things aren’t what they seem
If this is really happening
Just let me go back to dream
You’re home…
~Travis Tritt~
Watch this very powerful video-it has extreme passion for a man losing his wife.
Travis Tritt does an excellent job.
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