Ron: "You and Hermione have stopped saying
You-Know-Who's name!"
Harry: "Oh, yeah. Well, it's just a bad habit we've slipped into.....
But I haven't got a problem calling him V --"
Ron : "NO!.....his name has been jinxed...."
~Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows~
This is a quote from the Harry Potter series about Lord Voldermort. In the books nearly everyone calls him "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named". To say the name is taboo and brings chills and shivers to anyone who hears his name. With the new movie I decided that this is what Heather has become "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named". It is easier for everyone not to say or hear her name. Especially when talking to us. Like Heather's name is cursed or a taboo or a pox will fall upon you if you speak her name. Like I said in the last blog, use her name. I like to hear it, I gave it to her for a reason. It is ok if you talk about her with me. I need to hear that. She is and will be forever a part of our lives. I currently do and will continue to talk about Heather. Most of the time I do it in the tense that she is still here. Sorry to all those who cannot accept this. I have stated before, that I am not the same person I was before April 2009. The new me is quite different but if you look closely and try to understand, you will see bits of the old me peeking out. This is why I am so comfortable with my inner circle of friends. I cannot say thank you enough for standing by me for the past 19 months.
As to the holidays....where to begin. I can almost fool myself into thinking as I cook all day on Wednesday that Heather is working. This is where she was for 4 years. She worked every Wednesday before the holiday. It is when we go out to dinner and a movie, as is our family tradition, that the empty seat really hits. As I cook all day on Thursday and begin to watch all the Christmas movies and she is not here that it really becomes clear. Heather will not be sitting at our table now or ever and it begins to hurt. The hurt is a deep heart hurt that will never ever go away. This hits every single holiday of the year, but some holidays are much more difficult than other. We survived this Thanksgiving. The girls left to go do other things and so Bill and I ended up at the movies for a double header on Thanksgiving night. This was something new to do. When all else fails...go to the movies.
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| Our Turkey Feast this year.... |
A simple meal out can turn into a Heather memory faster than light moves. One of her favorite places to eat was Chipotle. For the most part she got a burrito bowl with rice, black beans, barbacoa, sour cream, cheese and lots of lettuce. Then came the lime/cilantro chips and diet coke. Perfect meal. Heather would dig through the bag looking for the puffed up chips with pockets of air in them, or the crumpled over into themselves chips. These were her favorite chips. Problem is, they are her Dad's favorite kind of chips as well. One of the last meals we had there the two of them were digging and fighting over the chips in the bags. We were all laughing and it was a great time. So, the other day when we ate there, guess what we found in the chip bag...you got it, the prized chips. As the chips were brought out of the bag the memory was there of Heather loving those chips.
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| Favorite rolled chip.... |
Are U Pink? is holding Heather's Birthday Blood Drive. This will take place on Saturday, December 11, 2010 from 11am-4pm. This is being held at Arizona Mills Mall Entrance #5. United Blood Services is the one we have partnered with to handle the blood. Heather received 20 units of blood from United Blood Services. Please click the link below and sign up for a time to donate blood. During this holiday season, give the gift of life to someone. This gift costs you nothing and 100% of it goes to help someone. There will be cake and balloons. Balloons will be signed and then released at the end of the blood drive.
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| Happy times-Heather's graduation-2005 |
I would like to share with everyone an email that I received from a friend. No, she has not lost a child, but she has tried to put herself in my place, come along side me and tried to comprehend a small portion of what I might be going through. I appreciate this friend very much...
Morning Lady Bug,
Just re-read November 20th. I thought about the last two years and the stages that you as a family have gone through and like I told you once or twice last year. You, Sherry are where YOU are supposed to be in your grieving stage. Grief is a strange creature. It is not the same for everyone. The colors, tastes, smells and memories of grief take on different meanings for all of us. I also told you, that you don’t “Get over” something like the loss of a child. YOU LIVE WITH IT according to how you and GOD work through it.
Your children are a very big part of your life and who you are. Heather didn’t just exist, she THRIVED and was a productive part of life for you and your family and those of us who knew her. I think I told you that there were going to be two steps forward and about 20 backwards at times. Holiday seasons will probably always be the hardest for you my dear friend. Your family always did the holiday season up big with your decorations and hunting for that perfect gift for the girls. The gift hunting came in threes. That is an odd number. GOD made flowers grow in odd numbers their petals are in odd numbers. Florists arrange in odd numbers. NOT EVEN NUMBERS. You go to take that “third step” then you stop, it is weird not to take that third step. Taking that step is so ingrained in your very fiber not to take it means something is wrong. Oh yes, and it is wrong, it is not supposed to be this way. You live, you grow up, you get married, you have children, they grow up, they get married, they have children, you get old and then YOU DIE, not you watch your child die. There will always be steps missing where Heather is concerned, she is not here to complete those steps of life and that is just wrong in the scheme of life as we thought we knew it.
You don’t have to be thankful that Heather is in Heaven, you want her beside you minus the pain. What you can be thankful for when YOU are ready is the fact that she was a Christian and let that light shine to those around her and even those who did not know her well, knew there was something different about her.
Just some thoughts for you. Some days are OK, some days SUCK, some days you just are.
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