Another Letter In The Mail...

 A Love Song

The mention of my child's name

May bring tears to my eyes

But it never fails to bring

Music to my ears.

If you really are my friend

Please, don't keep me

From hearing the beautiful music.

It soothes my broken heart

And fills my soul with love.

~Nancy Williams~

Another day is yet another chance to receive something in the mail that has Heather's name on it. The bills and bill collection notices have stopped. The medical bills have all finally to the best of my knowledge been paid and finalized. These would always send me right back to the date of service when I opened them. I usually would then have to get very nasty with the business office of the billing because they would always want to speak to Heather. Yet another thing that would rock my world when they would ask to talk to her directly. I used to tell them that she passed away and the person on the other end for some reason could not understand what I was saying. So I just began saying I am sorry she died. Straight to the point.

The never ending junk mail such as Express coupons, Neiman Marcus ads and Army recruitment still come on a weekly basis. Usually these are addressed to Heather Coombe or current resident. Try as I might I have not been able to get off these mailing lists. Once you are on them you stay for life or death...With so many outside bills and credit cards to deal with I had neglected to alert the Maricopa County Elections Dept that Heather died. Our family decided many years ago to vote by mail in ballot. This was very useful the past 2 years. I would not have been willing to go stand in line to vote for any reason. With these ballots coming to the house I still had my opinion count. I had thought about voting for Heather but then decided that this really was not a good or cool thing to do...unless voting in a new president. I figured that with social security being notified along with her driver's license that the elections dept would be notified as well.

 Mesa recently voted for a sale tax increase for education and Heather received her ballot. I wrote on the ballot that she had died and sent it back in. For some strange reason I thought they would just take her off the list and move on. This past week in the mail I received a letter from the Maricopa County Elections Dept. As I opened the letter I thought to myself that this could possibly be the last letter I receive about Heather. This is a good thing I guess..but still just one more way that she is being erased. So I filled out all the required information, signed it and returned it in the postage paid envelope.

It is difficult to feel so desperately inside that you want to keep everything about your child here and alive. In a small way as each thing that gets given away, breaks or stops coming in the mail is your child slipping further and further away. People react funny when I mention Heather's name. Honestly it creeps them out. I am trying with all my being to make sure that Heather doesn't disappear forever...and others wish I would not talk about her or mention her name. I like to talk about Heather, her life and how amazing she was. I love to tell stories about her life. I love to show photos of her too.

With each day that passes Heather's memory dies a little more. Someday there will be nothing left of her. As her Momy, her biggest supporter, protector and fan...I can not let that happen. I will not let that happen. So if I make you uncomfortable talking about Heather, too bad...build a bridge and get over it. Until my dying breath I will forever have 3 daughters...and I will tell stories about all 3 just like any "normal" mother would do...