What do you remember about your favorite meal growing up? Maybe your mom made
it for you when it was your birthday or maybe once a week. When the girls were
growing up I made most dinners at home especially when they were in school.
Some meals like chili or a roast took most of the day to prepare and not just a
quick 30-45 minutes like other dinners. Of course everyone in our family had a
different favorite meal; for Bill it would be tacos or enchiladas, for Jenn it
would be chicken and dumplings with homemade rolls, but Wendy's hands down
favorite is tuna and noodle casserole with crescent rolls and pea salad. As to
Heather's favorite I am not sure but she loved Sally's salad and any meal that
took hours to prepare. She loved the holiday meals I made for sure.
Of course during cancer I didn't cook much and I certainly didn't make big elaborate meals. This was for two reasons; one being that I did not have the energy to cook such meals and two was I never knew what Heather would be hungry for come mealtime. When you deal with chemo you deal with food cravings and then smells that make you sick. It was always a hit or miss at mealtimes, especially when we added high dose steroids in the mix.
Heather was on the maintenance portion and had begun her schooling at PIMA, Violet had been born and was thriving and Jenn was working. Life seemed good. So one day I had some extra energy and I made a meatloaf. This is not any ordinary meatloaf, this was Grandma Coombe's meatloaf cooked in a cast iron skillet for super flavor. Of course all the extras came with that like mashed potatoes, gravy, some fruit salad of some kind and fresh homemade hot rolls. Heather was wanting to have perfect attendance at PIMA but just wasn't feeling energetic and when she found out what was for dinner she stayed home. She ate so good and enjoyed every single bite. Of course the best thing about a large meatloaf is the meatloaf sandwiches for a few days following.
Of course during cancer I didn't cook much and I certainly didn't make big elaborate meals. This was for two reasons; one being that I did not have the energy to cook such meals and two was I never knew what Heather would be hungry for come mealtime. When you deal with chemo you deal with food cravings and then smells that make you sick. It was always a hit or miss at mealtimes, especially when we added high dose steroids in the mix.
Heather was on the maintenance portion and had begun her schooling at PIMA, Violet had been born and was thriving and Jenn was working. Life seemed good. So one day I had some extra energy and I made a meatloaf. This is not any ordinary meatloaf, this was Grandma Coombe's meatloaf cooked in a cast iron skillet for super flavor. Of course all the extras came with that like mashed potatoes, gravy, some fruit salad of some kind and fresh homemade hot rolls. Heather was wanting to have perfect attendance at PIMA but just wasn't feeling energetic and when she found out what was for dinner she stayed home. She ate so good and enjoyed every single bite. Of course the best thing about a large meatloaf is the meatloaf sandwiches for a few days following.
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| Grandma Coombe's Meatloaf |
That meal was made about March 2nd or 9th, 2009. I know this because
it was a Monday and it was right before our nightmare began again. I maybe got
a sandwich or two from the leftovers what with all the doctor visits and the
weekend hospitalization. This was the last time I have made a meatloaf. Why?
Because I guess I felt like it was Heather's last meal or the memory as I had
to throw away the moldy green leftovers during her hospital stay. Somehow the
thought of making another meatloaf was letting go of a bit more.
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| cooked and ready for sandwiches |
Now this may all sound weird to you but if you have had a child died then you
understand what I am saying. It is like somehow if I don't make a meatloaf
again then March, 2009 didn't happen and all is good. I made a meatloaf this
Friday February 27th. I have to work during the day over the weekend and I
wanted good food to take with me to work. So I became “Suzy Homemaker” and made
chili plus a meatloaf. Of course I did have a few flashbacks but it was okay.
The meatloaf came out perfect and of course I was already thinking ahead to the
sandwiches it would make. Somehow to me there is nothing like cold meatloaf
with miracle whip and bread. I made the full meal with potatoes and bread as
well. Cooking big meals is not something I do much of with just the two of us
these days and especially now that I am working.
"I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk
about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite
numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of
others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2,
or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A
writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I
resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to
get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my
love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't
trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm
grateful.”
John Green~The Fault in Our Stars
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| March already |
So each day draws me closer to "the day and date" this year, I am not
sure how I feel except for exhausted from working nights. Maybe that is what I
need to keep my mind busy and focused. I can't believe we are already about to
spring into March as this year seems to be flying by. I have Heather's grave
changed for St Patrick's Day and then April will follow with Easter and
then......the day. I don't know how I feel anymore, guess a good way would be I
enjoy parts of life but I am drifting thru, kind of numb and ho hum, thinking
about what it means to have another year gone by without Heather here. I can't
believe it will soon be six. How did six years pass me by? How could she be
gone this long and it seem like yesterday and then seems like forever. But I was given forever in the numbered day I had with my Heather, and for that I am grateful that she was in my world.
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