A Special Day?...

“Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them," I said. Right, of course, but you keep the promise anyway. That's what love is. 

Love is keeping the promise anyway.” 

~Fault in our Stars

My birthday has come yet once again, only this year I get a holiday for my birthday. When I was younger and in school I loved being able to tell everyone that I had an official holiday for my birthday. Honestly when I was younger I never really gave much thought to my birthday as to what it really meant. I don’t think that I really thought about it till I had children of my own. My birthday was the day my mother gave birth to me. The day my mother went into labor and pushed me out of her body.

"Baby Betsy- me-3 days old 9/4/65

To me personally I have always tried to make my daughters and grand daughters feel like their birthdays are the best most special days in the world because to me the day I gave birth to them was one of the best days of my life. I never want any of my girls to feel that their mom or Mimi didn’t care about such a special day; the day they drew their first breaths and began to live on the outside. Such a huge special day really cannot go by as just a normal and ordinary day.

What about the woman that tried to trap a man who never loved her by getting herself pregnant on purpose? What about the lies and deceit that goes with that? Then what about the male pig who thinks he is God’s gift to all womankind sexually? Knowing that he is married and has his own children and wife at home but enters into a long sexual affair with one if not many other women in 1963-1965? What happens to the child that was conceived out of a union like that? The baby gets thrown away like a disposable paper plate with less care than wadding up a napkin to throw it in the trash container. The baby is the innocent one in all this and that baby was me.

9/29/65

However, I do wonder if my lying horrible, trashy DNA female and sperm donor think about me on September 1^st. I wonder if they wish things had turned out differently. I wonder if for once my female DNA gestational unit wishes she for once in her life had taken a stand for me and said I love you and will do anything for you above all things. You know the self-sacrificing love that most mothers have inside them. The only reason why I finally was allowed to even meet her was because I was moving across the country and would never be about 2 hours away again. She had to go to her family and get their opinion and approval before she could make a decision. Then I was introduced as a “friend” of the family. The following year I was the shock value that she dropped that I was her daughter and I recently found her. That is not love, that was being used for her to have the attention drawn to her. When Heather got cancer Jane could not even find the guts or courage to come see or support me, a lying, hiding, cowardess woman that I am grateful that she had no part in my life. How can a mother love 5 kids and not 6? Ask my mother Jane Betsinger Becker she can tell you all about it, but she won’t do the talking she will allow her daughters to argue for her and let them fight her battles.

As my 49^th birthday rolls around I am happy about it for the first time in many, many years and looking forward to being with MY family on my special day. I am reminded as the day gets closer and closer about the one that is not here to celebrate with me. The card and gift and hug and kiss that I will not be receiving on my special day. As my birthday comes I am reminded of my own daughters that I gave birth to and I just have to wonder does Jane feel anything? Anything at all on such a special day?

9/29/65

I had a few special days with my sperm donor for my birthday and I thought that we were making memories till I learned that he just wanted to have sex with me. It is a great comfort to have your genetic father tell you he cannot get you pregnant and he has no sexually diseases. I was breathing a sigh of relief over that. My 40^th birthday was spend with Harry Blackburn and looking back now I realize that he was showing me off and bragging about me like I was his trophy wife or something. It was way overboard the opposite way. I was given too much attention in the wrong way. My sperm donor has no clue what love what true love means. He has never loved anyone or anything more than himself and his money. But I do wonder does Harry feel anything? Anything at all on such a special day?

6 weeks old-10/14/65

I am proud of the person I have become and that I stand up for myself. This is a self-taught trait that I learned thru life of hard knocks. I was given away the day I was born and placed into foster care for three months. There was damages done to me as far as the love and nurturing a baby needed in those first critical weeks. I stand up and speak my mind and you know exactly where you stand with me. I have recently been told that since Heather died I feel like I can say anything. Well, yes, since Heather died all bets are off and I will do what I want to when I want to. No, you don’t have to try to understand and I know you won’t so I won’t waste my breath trying to explain. Only my true friends and family (which my family has no blood relation except for my children) understand what it means to have a child die. It is unnatural and goes against everything we have come to believe as truth. My future was changed forever April 20^th, 2009 and I was not asked nor did I give my consent to have this life makeover.

These four photos are the only photos of me from my birth on September 1, 1965 and when I was adopted on December 20, 1965. My foster name was baby Betsy.