Exactly What I Envisioned....

When Heather was first diagnosed with cancer we were all in shock and questioned why us? Why her? For some strange reason I grabbed my camera and began taking photos right away. I wanted to document this event. Why? I don’t know. It just seemed to be a natural thing for me to do. Heather was thankful for me taking photos as she wanted to look back at her journey and see how far she had come. Some people have asked how I could take photos at a time like this. My answer is I don’t know, but in the stress of the moment it might have been the way I kept myself together without falling apart. Looking back now at the over 300 photos we have of Heather’s journey through cancer they show her strength and incredible courage in the face of something so horrible most of us would run screaming from the building.

As time moved forward and Heather went into remission she and I had an idea to write a book and put the photos in it. We wanted to show the true face and side of blood cancer. The part no one talks about or sees unless you live through it. It was supposed to be Heather’s story as told my us and then we would do mother/daughter book signings and be this world famous author duo.

When Heather died, I put the thought of a book in the back on my mind. I really wanted to do the book still in honor of Heather and all she had been though, but wasn’t sure if I wanted to share my Heather with the world. It was too raw and emotional for me. I was not able to speak her name without crying in the beginning. There would be no way for me to do public book signings or public speaking without breaking down and sobbing. Honestly no one wants to listen to a mother sob as she is trying to speak. For the most part I can talk about Heather and tell her story without losing it. I may have to stop and breathe for a minute but I don’t fall into a mess of tears anymore. This is good and bad as it means I am getting further from the trauma and also she is becoming part of my past.

Bill's cover on the left-publisher's cover on the right (middle name spelled wrong)

My Porcelain Doll was the title and the only title I have ever thought of for the book to tell the story. No other titles ever popped into my head. I also knew the exact photo I wanted for the cover. I was kind of going for a shock value with the photo since the title makes it sound like a beauty queen life story, not a cancer fighter story. Bill made a mock up cover for my book and I loved it. I knew what I wanted the cover to look like and I would have the publisher design their cover, but I reserved the right to use my own cover if I did not like the one they designed. I wrote the back cover and wanted it to be very hard hitting and personal. The kind of back cover that makes you want to buy the book right there. I had a word limit of 100 words for the synopsis and 100 words for the Author notes. Well, I figured I had a total of 200 words and I wrote 160 words for the book summary and 40 words for the author notes. I was not sure they would approve this change. I also made a mockup of what I expected the back to look like as well.

concept of back cover

My book has jumped into super-fast mode right now and should be available for purchase very soon, in a matter of weeks not months. The November 8^th release date has been moved up. I do not have an exact date but an in the final stages of production currently. I knew the book cover would be coming sometime this week but did not have an exact day when they would be sending it me. It arrived via email today and I was blown away as I had not told the publisher my ideas for either cover. They did exactly what I envisioned.

The book cover-PERFECT!!!

The emotions I am having are mixed and everything from extreme sadness to overwhelming pride and joy. My book is my loving tribute to my Heather. It is my deepest words and thoughts as she battled cancer and then died. The book also contains 85 black and white photos that tell a very powerful story as well. I know there will be some people who will think our photos went too far and how can we share such personal and horrible photos. I can, because I lived it and parts of it was horrible. What Heather endured was awful and so was her death. The photos put a face with the story. I will admit that I am scared as her story, my story hits for the world to read.