Time Marches On...

Sister cries out, from her baby bed.
Brother runs in with feathers on his head.
Mama's in her room learnin how to sew.
Daddy's drinkin beer listenen to the radio.
Hank Williams sings Kaw-Liga and Dear John
Time marches on, time marches on…

Forget

1.To cease or fail to remember;unable to recall

2.To fail to think of; take no note of

3.To treat with inattention or disregard

4.To disregard intentionally

The worst thing in the world for me is for people to forget that Heather lived. Whether it be a forgotten birthday or death day, for someone not to remember is to forget she was a person and she lived. I don’t think that I will ever want to forget Heather. Not a holiday goes by that I don’t think of her. Especially at this time of the year it is hard not to think about her and all the events of March and April for two seasons.

My drive to Farmington thru Payson

 Now, being that Heather was my child it is different that a parent. But…I don’t understand nor will I ever understand the events that happened while I was in Farmington this past week. My Daddy Jim died January 15, 1990. He was married to Norma Blake for 15 years. She bought the plot next to my Daddy and I bought a double headstone marker for them to both be buried together. When I visited Farmington 3 years ago, things were fine at the cemetery. Suddenly he has been forgotten. Not for just the winter season, but probably since I was there last. The amount of grass that had grown over and the fact that the vase was nearly covered completely, leads me to believe Norma had not visited his grave in a longtime. I was shocked when I found her parent’s graves that are two rows up had fresh flowers on them. It made no sense to me. All I knew is that I needed to go get flowers and solar lights to decorate his grave. So off to Walmart I went.

Yes I stopped at a roadside place..A pic right out of Vacation!!

Sister's using rouge and clear complexion soap.
Brother's wearin beads and he smokes alot of dope.
Mama is depressed barely makes a sound.
Daddy's got a girlfriend in another town.
Bob Dylan sings like a Rolling Stone.
Time marches on, time marches on.

I was hot, fuming mad and felt betrayed. Bill tried to get me to see that Norma was now 77 years old and maybe she was no longer able to get out to the cemetery. I tried to allow this thought to come into my mind. It became more real when I looked in the Farmington phone book and found that Norma Blake no longer was listed. (Her sons Donald and Steve were not listed either.) I began to feel that maybe she had become ill and had to move. That feeling only lasted a few hours.

My Daddy's grave more properly remembered

The internet is amazing at finding information for just about anything you want to know including people. So with the help of a couple friends and about 30 minutes the truth had hit me in the face. Norma Blake had gotten remarried. Not that I mind that she got remarried, but she is 77 yrs old and her new husband is 92. Excuse me??? They have been married since 2009. They are living in her mother old house. She seems to have forgotten my Daddy, Jim Blake, but seems to want to use the same phone number that my Dad and his first wife had. The phone number that belonged to my dad for at least 12-15 years BEFORE Norma came into the picture. So get a new phone number how tacky. But wait it gets better. She retired from San Juan College and has a new job at the hospital. They published an article about her and called her the former Norma Blake now Norma Brack…Explain this one to me. My Dad died 23 years ago. Does anyone really care what her last name is? Why is she still relating to herself as Norma Blake and then allow my father’s grave to be forgotten? I don’t understand this in any way shape or form and wish my heart didn’t hurt so badly.

My maiden name was Blake-our favorite place to get a burger

 Funny that right before I went to Farmington I had a dream about my Daddy dying only it wasn’t in 1990 it was current day. I dreamed everything from how he died to going to the funeral home to the actual funeral. I woke up and it seemed so real that I didn’t understand why I had such a dream. I had planned to visit my dad’s grave while I was in Farmington but had thought about visiting Norma to bury the hatchet so to speak. Until I went to the cemetery I still wanted to go see her. Of course after the cemetery I was filled with anger and sadness. It was clear to me that I did not need or want to go see her and I need to let that part of my life go.

Sister calls herself a sexy grandma.
Brother's on a diet for high cholesterol.
Mama's out of touch with reality.
Daddy's in the ground beneath the maple tree.
As the Angles sing an old Hank Williams song.
Time marches on, time marches on. Time marches on, time
marches on. Time marches on. Time marches on.

I was not with my Daddy when he died. He had been on a vent and was in ICU so that meant several days of not being able to speak to him on the phone. He was able to come off the vent but I am not sure how much he was awake as he died about 24 hours later. Of course when the talk of a vent came up with Heather I never expected Heather to come off the vent. In the back of my mind I knew what that meant. Just like my daddy, Heather would never come off it and live. Not many people know but a couple days after Heather was placed on the vent I actually began making notes for her funeral in the back of my yellow pad notebook that I wrote doctor notes on. I went to 6 South and called Falconer Funeral Home to find out what I needed to do if the most awful thing happened. I spoke with Chris, told him my situation. It was surprising to me that when I called the funeral home back Monday morning April 20^th to say that Heather was going to die, Chris answered, I burst into tears and could not say a word, he simple asked if this was Heather’s mom.

My BFF Sandy with new grandson, Dakota

I don’t live in Farmington and there is no way I can decorate my Dad’s grave and make sure he isn’t forgotten. I guess what adds to it is the fact that Norma will be buried next to him, I think. The cemetery that he is placed in was one he never wanted to be in. He hated Greenlawn Cemetery. The amount of disrepair and how run down it looks is shocking. Daddy never liked the granite or stone markers that are different shapes and sizes. He liked Memory Gardens where all the markers are flat and uniform. His first wife is buried there. Not that he had to be buried next to her, but I wish his wishes had been respected and he at least been buried when he wanted to be.

One reason why I came to Farmington-Dakota

No I didn’t know Heather’s wishes if it came to her dying. No not even with cancer did her and I discuss her dying and her funeral. Every parent has to make their own decisions and what feels right for them. There is no right or wrong way to bury a child. I hope and pray that somehow all the things I have done in the funeral and now with her being buried in the cemetery close to Ashley makes her happy and proud of the choices I have made.

Forest Lakes and The Rim coming home...

South moves north, North moves south
A star is born, a star burns out.
the only thing that stays the same is everything
changes, everything changes.

~Time Marches On~Tracy Lawarence~