What is a Half?...

HALF price books

HALF marathon

HALF moon

HALF Back

HALF an hour

HALF:  1. One of two equal parts that together constitute a whole.

            2. One part approximately equal to the remaining part

I’ll take the other HALF

Please but just HALF a cup

Cake, but HALF a piece

She is 3 and a HALF

Meet me at 2:30-or HALF past

Why is the measurement of HALF so important? I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out why 1/2 or HALF means so much to me. Whether you know it or not we all use HALF in our day to day life. How many times have we shared half a candy bar or asked for half a sandwich. HALF seems to be very counted in everything measurements, time, and so many more things.

I have no idea why 6 months, 18 months, 2 ½ and now 3 ½ years has come to be something that I have to mark in my world. Why does October 20^th make me stop and remember to breathe? It means nothing to anyone else in the world but me. Maybe it is because I was planning to have Heather’s memorial on the 20^th. But I have marked this date each year without anyone noticing but me. For the 18 month mark I bought the Thomas Kinkade Beauty and the Beasty painting. Sleeping Beauty Thomas Kinkade painting marked the 2 ½ year mark last year. This year I have no painting to buy, nothing to mark that this day is any different than any other day.

I never really thought about not remembering Heather on her HALF death date. In my mind it seems normal. But then again I may not be in my right mind. I see things differently and this is something I am really struggling with for some reason his year. I guess in the past I had something to remember the date and this year I don’t. For some reason saying that Heather died 3 ½ years sound better to me than saying 4 years. Just like we marks kid’s growing years in HALVES, I should be able to mark Heather’s death in HALVES as well.

I have come to realize that very little of what I think or say makes sense. It seems foreign to me. Like I am on the outside watching myself go through the motions. But this is me. My bestie Sandy and I were texting and I realized that I am DAMN proud of my daughter Heather. She fought an incredible fight against an evil monster called cancer. At 20 she faced things that send most adults screaming and hiding. She faced that she could die. How many of us as adults have really faced that idea that I could die today? She bravely faced her fears and fought a good fight till her last day. She never gave up. Instead of being ashamed with the badge of “oh yeah I am the mother who’s daughter had cancer and then died”…I wear it proudly and again am DAMN proud to have been Heather’s mother. This is not to say that she didn’t get tired, sad or feel like giving up. But for the most part her sweet, loving, gentle spirit was still here and shining thru. I guess that is why I have the need to talk about Heather as much as I can and as often as I can. I need people to know about my amazing daughter and what she endured.

There is something different about the ones left behind that are the caregivers. Heather and I were close as mother and daughter but caring and taking care of her during cancer bonded us at the hip forever. You cannot go thru what we endured in the hospital at nights and stuff and not be forever changed. The bad times of her being scared that she was gonna died to the times she was drugged to sleep to just survive the treatment. Holding her hand each night as she fell asleep to laying in her hospital bed every night and then moving to my bed in the wee hours of the morning. We had fun times like me shaving her head at midnight and sneaking to dairy queen for a blizzard. All of those are embedded in my mind and memories forever. Here it is 3 ½ yrs later and those events are still crystal clear in my mind. I can recount hours and hours worth of stories.

HALF dollar

HALF way

HALF bad

Better HALF

HALF brother/sister

HALF hearted

Glass is HALF full

He is a HALF wit

Her singing isn’t HALF bad

Let’s go HALVES on that gift

I have HALF a mind to

On Saturday October 20, Heather died 3 ½ years ago. I think the HALF lets everyone know that 6 more months have gone by. Understand it or not it is the way I function and think right now. Not sure what Saturday will bring, Bill leaves for 2 weeks overseas on business. You can be sure that my days plans include a trip to the cemetery to visit Heather. Only 6 more months and it will be 4 years…and that hurts.

~Little cottontail bunny that was at the cemetery on 10/15...He was not concerned about me being there. Glad they are back for the winter.