Mother's Day Fast forward 2012...

Caution you are entering a grief zone

Fast forward to Mother’s Day 2012 and not much has changed as to the way I feel. Mother’s and Father’s Day are special days set aside for kids to honor their parents. In the past gifts from younger kids included hand prints and special poems or drawings. It is unlike the other holidays such as Thanksgiving. It is hard in the fact of this being a holiday where the ENTIRE family sits down to dinner usually and one is missing. Not a day set aside to honor your parents. Mother’s and Father’s Day are personal holidays. To me personally, if you can’t say the things to your mother or father every day of the year don’t bother with the day set aside for it. It means nothing. A good friend told me this one and I liked it. 

I still go to the cemetery about every day during the week. I find it a nice peaceful place to be. Last Saturday when Bill and I went he said he had a new feeling about wanting to visit his mom’s grave and to go visit Rusty. Up to this point he had never really wanted to go visit. Not that you ever WANT to go visit at the cemetery, but it shouldn’t be avoided like the plague either. Anyway, I didn’t tell Bill that yesterday, Saturday, I wanted to go visit his mom, Rusty and Heather till yesterday morning. I wasn’t sure how he would take it. But it actually was a good day.

Don’t SHOULD on me-You SHOULD do this…

Mom's grave...with her butterfly

We took a butterfly to put at Mom’s grave. We also found his grandma, his mom’s moms grave and then an uncle all at the same cemetery. I didn’t bring flowers for any of the graves and I won’t make that mistake again. I assumed that flowers would be there. I was wrong. We then found Rusty’s grave at the National Memorial Cemetery. He was in the air force so is in the military cemetery. They are very strict about flowers and things left at the markers. Next time I think we will take a small flag to place out there. We do want to go back at Memorial Day and take photos of all the flags to honor the soldiers.

Mom's Mom-Grandma Jarrel

Mom's brother

We had not been to Rusty’s grave and to see his name and dates on the marker makes it very real not that it wasn’t real before, but it really hits home that they are gone. I have no doubt that when we see Heather’s name and dates on her marker it will be a very emotional time. It just makes it permanent I guess. Hard to imagine how it will feel to see Heather’s name in the cemetery.

Shared Joy is double joy-Shared sorrow is half-sorrow

Sink in to see it in stone...

We ended our day with a stop at Heather’s grave. It was nice and shady. I like to look around to see the new flowers and any new people that have been laid to rest out there. Lots of new Mother’s Day flowers to honor all the mothers that are gone. It really sunk into Bill that it was Mother’s Day and leaving flowers. It had not really dawned on him to do that for his mom. It is really a growing time for both of us. It may sound odd but I really do enjoy reading the names and looking and thinking about the people that have died.

forever Rusty

Nice area by a tree

 Fran, Heather’s piano teacher, came to visit Heather last Monday. It was good to see her and I like showing off Heather’s spot. She told me she didn’t realize how much she missed having a place to visit Heather till she had one now. That made me feel good and I hope many others will come to visit Heather. She also liked my thinking that anytime you read a name on a marker you are remembering that person. You don’t have to know them, to remember them.

I love therefore I grieve

I really love the cemetery where Heather is at. I have learned it makes a difference and our cemetery is well taken care of and it looks very nice. Not all cemeteries are maintained the same way. The offer is open that if anyone wants to visit Heather I will be happy to meet you out there and show you where she is. As for flowers and extras almost anything goes and can be placed at her grave. Real or fake flowers and little statues are all left in their place. I have a good friend of Heather’s, Jessica that is sending me a butterfly rock to place out there. Lots of people leave rocks or stones and I never really understood why. So here is what I found out about placing rocks or stones on markers:

It began as a Biblical custom of covering the deceased with rocks. Common day it is a rite of remembrance for those of the Jewish faith to leave a rock. The usual explanation for this custom is that, unlike flowers, rocks are permanent, so they remain on the grave as a memento forever, and symbolize that you will never forget the deceased.

It is a sign to others who come to the grave when I am not there that they and I are not the only ones who remember. The stones I see on the grave when I come are a reminder to me that others have come to visit the grave. My loved one is remembered by many others and his/her life continues to have an impact on others, even if I do not see them.

Bill found this small pine cone by Heather's grave..He kissed it & placed it by her flowers.

So I know that not everyone can paint a rock or stone, but I am asking that if you come to visit Heather’s grave, leave a stone so I know you came. It really will mean a lot to me.