Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep...

Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Frye, who was living in Baltimore at the time, wrote the poem in 1932. She had never written any poetry, but the plight of a young German Jewish woman, Margaret Schwarzkopf, who was staying with her and her husband, inspired the poem. She wrote it down on a brown paper shopping bag. Margaret Schwarzkopf had been concerned about her mother, who was ill in Germany, but she had been warned not to return home because of increasing anti-Semitic unrest. When her mother died, the heartbroken young woman told Frye that she never had the chance to “stand by my mother’s grave and shed a tear”. Frye found herself composing a piece of verse on a brown paper shopping bag. Later she said that the words “just came to her” and expressed what she felt about life and death. Mary Frye circulated the poem privately. Because she never published or copyrighted it, there is no definitive version.

Do not stand at my grave and weep although the origin of the poem was disputed until later in her life, Mary Frye's authorship was confirmed in 1998 after research by Abigail Van Buren , a newspaper columnist.

This is a common poem usually read or printed for funerals. Not that I went through another funeral but dealing with the cemetery is almost like a funeral. Obviously, the burial of Heather’s ashes was emotional and moving but nothing like the shock funeral we had 3 years ago. I was more planned and in control of my emotions. I was not on a 5 day shock and horror trip like I was before. I haven’t liked the old favorite standbys for anything dealing with Heather. And nothing about burying her ashes or the memorial to follow will be traditional. I am not looking for different for the sake of being different; I want everything about Heather to stand out unique and lovely.

Only a week and the grass is coming back in nicely

I have been out to “Heather’s Spot” nearly every day since last Monday.  Surprisingly I find it very comforting and being there is peaceful and pleasant. I know how can a cemetery be peaceful? Well, it depends on who you are going to visit I guess. Somehow visiting a child there seems like I need to go more for now. This may change and probably will change as time goes on. But for right now, I go, get out of my truck, walk over, look around, maybe go visit Ashley and the other neighbors and go home. I don’t talk to Heather as I can talk to her anytime I want to. The neighbors’ next to Heather in the same row are 2 baby girls that died very shortly after birth. I feel Heather is looking over them as a guardian. I know in my heart this was the right thing to do and the absolutely best spot ever for her.

color choices

example of the marker with the granite base-Heather's will be in granite

Last week I went in on Wednesday and designed the marker. This is a process all on its own. Good thing I knew what I wanted and had an idea in my mind of what it should look like. Otherwise it could have taken hours to create. I actually had gone to the cemetery and walked around looking at all the different markers on Tuesday. I spent 2 hours looking, reading and getting ideas. So for me, it was fairly simple to create Heather’s marker.

an example of the taira

 It will be a flat, in ground, bronze marker that includes a vase for flowers. They now make bronze in different colors like maroon, blue, different shades of brown and black. Of course I chose the maroon-red-bronze for the color. It will have bronze roses down both sides. Her name will read Heather N. Coombe. Heather always told me I gave her the longest name ever so I decided to keep it shorter on her marker. It will have her dates in abbreviated months; Dec. 10, 1987-Apr. 20, 2009. We added a black and white photo that will go in the top left hand corner. I chose the 3¼” X 4” oval ceramic photo that will be placed in a bronze edged oval holder. Of course I found a tiara that is made of bronze to go in-between the dates. The font I chose is CHANCERY. It is not that different from the Flat face font but I felt the little bit of curve on the letters added just a touch of class.

font choices

an example of the font-just has a bit of curve to everything

Ok, that was the simple part. We were allowed 6 words on the bottom. WOW! Only six words to sum up a life or describe the person. Not much. Most go with beloved daughter, sister and aunt or wonderful husband, father, son and uncle. etc…which is fine, but I just could not be simple or ordinary. I asked my friends on FaceBook and got many good ideas, but Sandy my BFF text me and asked me what the 6 words were for. I told her and she responded a bit later and said she didn’t want to put it out on FB. Her words were…AND SHE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. WOW!! Is that perfect or what. It described Heather to a T and then also describes her life in heaven. I instantly knew that was the right inscription. I asked several others and they agreed that it was perfect. So Bill and I discussed it and he just wanted to change one word; LIVED to LIVES; as she lives with Jesus forever. So at the bottom it will read and she lives happily ever after…Yes even the 3 dots at the end are included. It gives her a continuance.

Remember me with smiles and laughter,

For that's the way I will remember all of you.

If you can only remember me with tears,

Then don't remember me at all.

~Michael Landon~

photo we chose

example of what black/white photo will look like and the holder

So the marker is all created and now I wait, wait, wait and wait some more. It will take about 3-6 weeks for the proof to be created and sent to me for my approval. This would be where any changes would be made. I am hoping it comes out right and perfect the first time. Once the proof is approved, it then takes 3-4 months to be created and placed.  This is cutting time close for the October 20 deadline. Daniel put a date on the form of needing it before October 10. Hopefully it will be in long before that. I am imagining now it will be placed the week we are gone in Alaska and I will not be able to see it right away.

map of how close the cemetery is to our house

solar light at night-gives a nice starburst

I went by yesterday and removed the flowers that Rose and I placed last Monday evening. They actually did not do too badly for being real flowers; however it was not 110 outside yet either. I didn’t have anything to replace them with and I was just going to leave the temporary marker there with nothing around it. After I left I just could not do it. I had to have something to leave there. Here again for me it is the unvisited, forgotten grave thing.  Especially since the bronze marker is not in place yet. So I was drawn to JoAnn’s craft store. I found some great things to place out at the cemetery. My goal is to find some crazy metal person, animal, flower or whirly gig I can place out there each month. I have found my solar powered light for at night. Everyone has these out there and it is cool to think about all these little lights shining that no one sees except from heaven. It is amazing to me how much my thinking has changed in less than a month’s time.

new flowers-ones that won't need changing in a week

Ashley and Heather

On a personal side, ha like all this isn’t personal…but my name was given to the Lymphoma Research Foundation as being a very good person to become an advocate for the state of Arizona. I was said to be a pit bull that would fight the cause at local, state and federal levels for patients and families rights. (Have NO clue where anyone would get this idea)  I also lend a personal side to the tragic results of this cancer that has very little research going right now. This is the first time I have actually had an organization follow up with me and want me to join them. I have my first meeting this Saturday morning. I can’t wait for all the picketing, lobbying, getting arrested, sit-ins and screaming at the white house, oh wait…I got carried away. But it is not too far-fetched that I could be speaking to senators, drug reps or possibly before Congress one day. I plan to attack this like I do everything else. Hopefully Heather will become my platform to lobby for cancer.

Welcome packet toe the Lymphoma Research Foundation

Don't weep at my grave,

for I am not there.

I've a date with a butterfly

to dance in the air.

I'll be singing in the 

sunshine, wild and free

playing tag with the wind

while I am waiting for thee...