Confessions of a Grieving Mother: Teacups and Talismans...

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together..

there is something you must always remember:

you are braver than you believe,

stronger than you seem,

and smarter than you think.

But the most important thing is, even if we're apart..

I’ll always be with you.”*

MIMI-an endearing name for grandmother.

Many people have asked how I came up with the name Mimi, instead of Grandma or Nana. I actually never ever considered any other name other than Mimi. It sounds funny when people call me a grandma. I correct them sometimes and say no I am not a grandma, I am a Mimi. I thought I would share with you just how I came up with the name Mimi.

In April 1998, I listened to a one sided phone conversation between Jennifer S and her Mimi on the other end. It was during one of the most difficult times in their lives. I listened as Jennifer talked to her Mimi with such love. I decided at that moment I wanted to be a Mimi and have a grandchild love her Mimi as much as Jennifer loved hers. I had the honor of meeting the original Mimi on several occasions and she was a great and amazing lady. I hope that I bring the name Mimi as much grace and loveliness as she did.

First ride-August 1996

Teacup photo 10 years later-March 2006

I have the greatest privilege of being a Mimi to 3 babies right now and I hope to be adding another one soon. To hear a small voice call out and say “My Mimi” warms my heart beyond words. My Snookie sees me and runs to my arms, jumps on me and is saying Mimi, Mimi, Mimi the whole time. I get text messages that sweet Maggs wants a princess truck like Mimi and wants to come see Mimi. Maggs is very shy and I don’t get too many hugs from her yet…but I will keep working on it. I just need to see her more is all.

Heather and me on our last spin in the teacups-October -2007

A grand time spinning-October 2007

In October 2007 I rode the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party at Disneyland for the very last time with my Heather. It is a ride that she and I loved. We spent the time in the line picking out the teacup we wanted and out spinning technique. Yes there is a very special way to spin the very fastest. You have to sit opposite each other and go hand over hand for the maximum spinning power. In December 2008 Heather felt too sick from the chemo to attempt to ride the teacups.

Next time Snookie will be ready for some spinning

The spinner in the middle of the teacup

Promise you won't forget me,

because if I thought you would,

I'd never leave.*

Mimi and Snookie on our favorite ride

Mimi and Snookie's first ride on the first day

In September and again in December last year I stood and watched as many people enjoyed riding the teacups. I finally vowed that I would ride the teacups again only with my Snookie. I would teach her how to enjoy and spin the teacups with her Mimi. Imagine my surprise that she wanted to ride the teacups, just her and her Mimi. I did not spin the teacup and we just sat and enjoyed the ride. She said it was her favorite but you know how fickle an almost 3 year old can be. Imagine my surprise when we got off “It’s A Small World” and she asked for the teacups. I had not mentioned it to her it was her own idea. On our third trip to ride the teacups, her momma came with us. I asked Snookie if momma could ride with us. Snookie said, no, not today, she needs her own teacup. Her momma pouted and she said this was Snookie and Mimi’s ride. Total number of rides in the teacups was 5. Snookie kept asking to ride the teacups. Someday I hope to train her on how to spin the cups. I imagine Snookie and Mimi will have several years of spinning the cups before one day Snookie will have to stop so her 80 year old Mimi can ride with her.

Stationary teacup..only way we could get a good photo

self portrait on our 4th spin around the party

I could almost hear Heather laughing from Heaven as she watched us ride the teacups. I imagine her telling me way to go mom…you needed to ride this ride again and I am so happy it was with Violet. It was bittersweet to keep riding the teacups and I was simply amazed that she loved them so much. It is letting go and hanging on all at the same time. I also rode the King Arthur’s Carousel. I had not ridden that since we all rode it in December 2008.

The carsouel

"Pooh, promise me you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I am a hundred." said Christopher Robin
Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety-nine." Said Christopher Robin
Pooh nodded. "I promise," he said.*

When Heather got cancer we ordered 500 lime green cancer bracelets. Bill wore his till the day after the ball. When the sign came down his bracelet came off too. When Heather got sick again Bill put his bracelet back on and hasn’t taken it off since March 2009. While at our special Heather spot, Bill decided to take off his talisman and leave it there. Bill had thought about taking it off last time but he couldn’t do it. This time he took it off and placed it deep inside a fern bush. It is so well hidden that it was there for three days. I imagine it will be very hard to find and may be there for a long time. It was just one more thing to make the spot special and one more way to move forward while hanging onto the memories as well.