Starting Over Again...

Things are getting back to normal after the holidays and the installation of the new carpet. It has changed the look of the entire house and I must admit that it feels very good. It almost is like a new house. I guess after 20 years it was time for an update.

I am into the 3^rd week of watching Aria and things seem to be going very well. I am learning how to stay home and not eat Chipotle every day for lunch. It has been fun having such a sweetie during the day. It has been some getting used to getting up earlier, but so far I have been going to bed earlier and that helps.

Nothing better than baby smiles

I received word last week that Heather’s piano sold. I was shocked that it sold so fast, heartbroken that it really is gone and overjoyed that a new young person hopefully is enjoying this beautiful piano. I thought I would miss the piano more, but I am loving the chairs in the front room so much. It feels like the piano was never here as weird as that sounds. I know that Heather is thrilled to hear her piano being played again. I felt a bit sad and decided to get myself a pick me up. I find it very ironic that I get word that the piano sold on the same day Chamilia released these two new beads for my bracelet.

new beads for my bracelet

With the beginning of January comes the feelings of wondering where Harry is going on vacation this year. Is he going to drive through Phoenix like he did last year? It is just a time that is very bittersweet. I do remember the good times we had prior to his brain malfunction. But then I remember his last visit all too well and cannot seem to shake the events that happened during that week. It really was the week from hell in 2012.

One of the last remaining things that I have that reminds me of Harry is the actual ring setting that my Heather diamond is set in. One afternoon I convinced Harry to go ring shopping instead of going to the casino. He helped me pick it out and made several comments about how nice it would look. He never did see the diamond in the setting. Most would say it is not a big deal so why think about it. Well, I do think about it and it has begun to bother me more and more and I feel the need to change the setting for the diamond once again.

the current setting my Heather diamond is in

I will only go look at the Shane Co Jewelers as they are the only ones that keep all repairs and rhodium plating in house and on the property. This is the only way my Heather diamond can be worked on is if it stays on the property and is not shipped out for repairs. Shane Co worked with me the last time and honored the warranty and had always been very eager to meet my special needs. I am sorry but with a diamond this unique it requires special attention.

My wedding ring that was bought for Christmas 2005 was a diamond and sapphire ring. I loved it and felt it was very unique and different. We added the ring guard when we renewed our vows in May, 2006. Of course once I got the Heather diamond that ring has never been worn again. Also since I lost weight that ring cannot be sized down small enough to fit my finger now. I had the diamond placed into another dinner ring type setting and wear the diamond on my right hand currently.

my renewal ring

the center diamond reset

I do not want the funds from the sale of Heather’s piano to go for carpeting or something like that. I am using a portion to pay for our family cruise and visit to WDW this coming December. I figure Heather would LOVE that idea. She might have been willing to sell her piano to take and entire family vacation to WDW and a cruise. Not many families can say they take vacations like this one. It means more than words could even begin to explain.

I also am planning to take a portion and buy a new ring setting for my Heather diamond. I feel this is another good use of the funds to be something I can really enjoy and know it has nothing to do with Harry anymore. I have picked out several but the one that I am drawn to is simply stunning. I have looked and looked and played on the Shane Co website for nearly a week now. I have narrowed it down to three rings I want to try and one that I LOVE!!  While this is very different than anything I have had before, I feel this setting is meant to be.  I think that it looks like a royal crown or tiara, but beyond that when I read the description I knew, this was the ONE! This ring has 12 marquis cut blue sapphires and 9 diamonds for a total of 21 stones. HUMMM, 21 stones, really?

the new "royal" princess setting I am looking at

I am hoping to go shopping or “play” around with the setting later this week. It will then be a matter of if the Shane Co feels comfortable setting the Heather diamond or if I have to go to Rod’s again. Either way I will have this ring around the first of February. I honestly cannot think of anything more perfect to mark the 5^th anniversary. Yes, that is racing towards me like a freight train. I have no idea how I want to spent this day, especially since it is Easter too.

New Beginnings...

So far the last week of 2013 and the first week of 2014 have been very exciting weeks and full of changes. It began with an email I received from a woman looking for her husband’s birth mother. She found me and there were a few things that sounded like I could be the one. I sent her back an email and told her NO!! I was not the woman she was looking for. We exchanged a few emails and I thought that was the end of it. Well she emailed me again and this time just accused that I was the birth mother and was covering up for some reason. So, for the record let me state that I DID NOT have a baby boy in 1981. I have many classmates that will back this up that I was never pregnant nor was I absent from school for a long period of time. I also would NEVER under any circumstances giving away a baby that I had had given birth to. I had three babies, one in 1986, one in 1987 and one in 1990!!! PERIOD!! end of story. This woman had pushed me to the point of possibly getting some kind of restraining order against her because I find her so offensive. Does she think for one minute that if I had given up a child that when Heather died I would not go looking for that child? I am not my mother’s daughter and I don’t treat birth children like crap.

 A couple days after Christmas the Shannon and Coombe families went to Williams to ride the Polar Express. It was a wintery fun time and Nana Rose came with us too. We ate dinner once again at the Route 66 Café and then headed over to the Grand Canyon Railway. I stopped to take a couple photos of the sign with the holiday light at nights. (In 2011 our family took the first ride on the Polar express and took some of Heather’s ashes with us. We placed them in the ground under the “C” in the Grand Canyon Railway sign.) It was a very warm feeling knowing that Heather was there.

When we returned we had two days to get everything moved out of the living, dining, family and computer rooms before carpet came in on December 30^th. This would be the final portion to redo the flooring on and the entire downstairs would be new. The weather was good so we were able to place some furniture outside. I had done a good job of cleaning out and getting rid of many things before we began moving things.

The old carpet came up very quickly and was really not that bad considering it had been down for nearly 20 years. The glue that held the padding down had turned to dust and that came up very easily as well. It was amazing to see the rooms transform as the new carpet went down. For the family and computer rooms the change was not that big as it had lighter carpet in those rooms to begin with. The biggest change came with the living and dining rooms as the blue carpet was replaced with a neutral beige/tan color.

I had been to the antique store on Sunday and found a vintage shelf with four shelves of glass and wrapped in metal vines and porcelain roses. I knew it was perfect the instant I saw it for Heather’s teacups. I bought it and in the transportation home it fell and broke 8 out of 12 roses. I began looking online and found a wedding bouquet designer that makes porcelain roses. I contacted her with my story of the shelf and what it was going to be used for. I was shocked when she emailed me back right away that her daughter had died also. We were walking the same road nearly the same amount of time. Her adult daughter died in March 2009 and Heather in April. We are working together to get the roses redone. It will look amazing once they are all here. 

new shelf

Shelf placed in the corner

I also needed to fill the hole that was left by Heather’s piano. That was the real reason that I went to the antique store was to look for two winged back chairs for the front window. None were there and for a few days the hole was there. But lucky there is a new furniture store in town and we stopped there to take a look. The light shown down and I found the perfect chairs. They are Lane recliners but with the look of a vintage winged back chairs. I also bought a small end table to go with the two chairs. I have no words to describe how amazing the front window looks now. Where once the grand piano was the center focus of the room, now sits two chairs, a table and a lamp. It completes the room in an amazing way and it feels sooooooo good. Heather would be so happy to go and sit or talk on the phone in there. It is the best feeling space in the whole house now.

Something missing

it feels good!!!

New chair and new sheers

I am going through lots of buckets and dressers and beginning the work on the upstairs. Now that the downstairs is finished I need to begin on the upstairs. We will be doing our master bedroom first and then the three rooms down the hallway. I am in a good cleaning out mood so now is the time to do this. Now sure how long this feeling will last. I may manage to go through Heather’s things again and get rid of some more.

Speaking of Heather’s things, I managed to send off the squares of Heather’s clothes that I cut in 2009 to Campus Quilts and had Jenn and Wendy’s quilts made for Christmas. It was very nice to have that project completed and the girls now have their memory quilts as well. They turned out beautiful.

The Galusha-Luna Family

The Shannon Family

People come into your life at different times and seasons. One such person is Kira Hamill. I knew her as a baby as Derek’s daughter. We lost touch and met up with her and her husband many, many years later. Kira shares many similar qualities that Heather had. The biggest one being that that were born the same year and they are both the middle child. Kira can shoot a gun with the boys and turn heads as she dresses up and looks stunning. Last year Kira was pregnant and I had hoped to help with her baby shower. It looked as if I could not help and suddenly the whole thing was mine. This was the jungle shower I had last January right before surgery. Lil Miss Aria was born two days after surgery. I cannot explain it but I feel there is a special bond or spirit between Kira and me.

I know that Kira is not Heather nor do I want her to be. Kira is Kira and Heather was Heather. BUT… for a brief moment I get a small hint at what life could have been like for Heather if she had gotten married and had a baby. I love babies and all of my nieces knew that Aunt Sherry loved the babies and they loved Aunt Sherry. I just treat them like my own. I just have a way with babies.

Kira’s husband’s schedule changed at work beginning this week. In the middle of December I received a call and was asked if I would watch Aria three days a week for about 5 hours a day. I thought about it…Aria came over and nothing had changed, I loved her as much now as I did the first time I held her the day she was born. Aria in the two times we visited in December would hug all over me and would hold onto me not wanting to go with her momma or her daddy. This warmed my heart so much. So this week, for about 5 months, I will be watching Aria Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. For a brief moment in time I have this beautiful little girl in my world. I know she is not Heather’s baby and is not my granddaughter, but she is a hint of what one could have been like. She is such a happy and sweet baby girl that I have the privilege of having in my world right now. A few people have asked me how I could do this when I have my free time, all I have to say to that is come visit and meet Aria and you will know why. Fran came over Monday and fell head over heels in love with her. For a small moment in time, I have a closer look at what life could have been like.

Aria Nicole

This year begins the last few months till we hit the 5 year anniversary. Boy that came fast. I look back and I do not know how time went so fast and I really feel like I have nothing to show for 5 years other that being 5 years older. I got jump started in the middle of December and began working on the manuscript for Confessions of a Grieving Mother book. I am pleased to announce that the book is finished and is currently being edited. I will begin working on the photos that will be going into this book. My hope is that I can get this book released before the April 20^th anniversary. The book is 44 chapters, 419 pages currently and contains 144,021 words. It has two dedications one to Heather and one to Margie, a preface, an introduction and ends with an epilogue. I am beyond pleased with this book and hope this book will help many grieving people around the world.

I hope your year is off to a good start. The posts here will be more as I am finished writing the books for now. Stay tuned to see what this year brings.

The Fifth Merry Christmas...

The front window for all to see

 Five candles burning bright

Will remain all through the night

Five holidays you have been gone

It doesn't seem like that long

Missing you more tonight that ever

I love you the mostest my dolly girl.

Elf sitting and thinking of Heather by the candles