We Are Having A...

I am learning that it doesn’t matter how many years it has been since Heather died, each year is different and I cannot do anything but accept it and ride it out. Some years I feel very little depression and other years it seems to hit me like a brick. One thing is for sure that time does not heal this wound, it changes it but it never goes away.

Each event that happens in the family takes on a new and different meaning for me. I am forever changed by Heather’s death and I cannot help but wonder at life’s event what would Heather say or think. So the addition of a new baby it gives me cause to ponder what would Aunt Missy say.

This is to proudly announce the coming of Miss Sophie Alice, joining big sister, Toodles, at the beginning of 2017.

Her hand and she seems to be sucking her thumb like Toodles

I will say that I am absolutely thrilled that this is yet one more girl. Call me selfish, but I love my baby girls. I have many different thoughts as widdle “Soapy” joins our family. The first being I cannot wait to get her here and hold her. Another thought is that for Jenn, this is her second girl like Heather was my second girl. Then, “Soapy” makes the third girl like my three girls. Needless to say, our family is pleased with the coming of a new baby girl.

Lots of emotions come with the idea of a new baby being born without Aunt Missy being here. Normal everyday life is hard enough as it is, but holidays and special family moments when we should all be together are the hard times. I know that Aunt Missy would be the best Aunt in the world and the girls would love her dearly. I would love to experience those days very much.

Here is my baby with her baby-MY BABY SOPHIE!!!

As time goes flying by it is not the huge moments that catch me by surprise it is the smaller unexpected ones. The joyous moment while we all found out that Miss Soapy is who will be joining the family. While the hugs and congratulations were there it was also a moment of thinking of Heather for me. I will admit that for the most part it is an ache in my heart, sadness with a moment of reflecting about Heather and that she is missing. This is not something that I burst into tears at it is just a longing I have to wonder “what would it be like if……”

This year began with change and it has become okay. It was very difficult at first but as with death you get used to the new normal.