Belongings....

Belongings-

possessions; goods; personal effects

Holdings, material possessions

The things that a person owns or has with him..

I personally know that when people, babies specifically, are born they come into the world with nothing. They do not have clothes, toys or any other possessions when they are born. In other words we are all born naked and with nothing. The only things that comes with a baby being born is water, a cord and maybe some goo from being created for 9 months in the womb.

 Our pastor at church used to always say that he never saw a man grab a packed bag the moment that he died. I personally know that when you die, you do not grab a bag, suitcase or any other earthly possession and take it with you. You leave everything behind. All your clothes, jewels and money stay here on earth. You leave the way you came into the world, with nothing but yourself.

No mother should have a Death Certificate for their child

ARDS, Pneumonia, Immune Compromised all from Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia

Why then are possessions giving me such a hard time. They are things, objects and papers that I simply cannot part with. I find it not fair that she did not take most of this with her. I am left trying to figure out just what I am supposed to do with all the things that remain. I have such random things that I just cannot get rid of. One example is I have the last bank statement that has Heather’s purchases on it.  I look at all the things she bought and places she ate that last month that she was out of the hospital. I just cannot seem to get rid of this. This is a small snapshot look at her life. It seems like if I do another part of her will be gone forever.

While Heather was in ICU, Wendy celebrated her 19^th birthday. One afternoon prior to her birthday I left ICU to go get Wendy’s gift and a card at the mall. When I was looking at cards I found a Peanuts-Snoopy card for Wendy. Then I found one for Jenn for her next birthday. I also found a card for Heather. I decided to buy all 3 of these cards and then keep them to give to the girls when their birthdays came around. I hesitated for a minute to put Heather’s card I found back on the chance that she didn’t make it. But then I put that thought out of my head and bought the card. I still have the Sally card that was the last birthday card I ever picked out for my Heather.

Last daughter birthday card for Heather

Sally was Heather's favorite

 Heather always wanted a TY Beanie Baby Bunny to be named after her. Ironic that the Easter she is in ICU Ty releases a purple bunny named Heather. When we knew there was no hope of a recovery for her I knew I had to get the TY bunnies to give to people who came to her funeral. I was not sure how to make this happen but I began by calling TY INC and telling them my story. I called Monday, April 20 in the morning. They lady took all my information and would get back to me. As I stood in ICU at the end of Heather’s bed, I received a call back from TY INC. I was informed that TY never sells to any individual, but due to the nature of my situation they would be willing to sell me 200 “Heather” bunnies. They also gave me a huge discount and free shipping. On Thursday, before the funeral on Saturday, 2 boxes of Ty bunnies arrived at my door. When I found the bucket that has them stored, there are only 7 out of 200 bunnies that remain.

Last 7 TY Heather bunnies

Invoice from TY for the bunnies

 I have personal items such as glasses, contacts, perfume, lotion and tons of make-up and hair clips. Heather’s complexion was so fair that most foundations did not come light enough to blend into her skin. She found 2 that worked, one Chanel and one Clinique. I cannot bear to get rid of these bottles. She touched and used these on her skin. I also have several sets of contact lenses. She loved her contacts. I keep them in the plastic bags she got them in. I have hair clips and pony holders that are brand new waiting for her hair to grow back in.

A very small sample of Heather's make-up

Small treasures found in a bag she kept in her car

Last pair of glasses-Vogue-pink inside

Her last pairs of contact lenses

 There is a collection of blue/green facial sticker jewels. Heather loved America’s Next Top Model. In one of the cycles the girls had to have their heads covered with bald caps to look like they had no hair. The jewels were placed on their eyes in designs and down their cheeks and neck as the wardrobe for their head-shots. They had very dramatic make-up as well. When Heather lost all of her hair she bought jewels and wanted Bill to set up his photo studio and take head shots of Heather made-up the same way. She was very proud of the fact that she would be bald and beautiful. She wanted to show that you could be stunning with no hair at all.  Time slipped away and Heather got a bit moody about wanting or not wanting to do this. It was never done and I regret not pushing her a bit more to do this. But I still have all the jewels she purchased for this project.

ANTM-sample photo

ANTM-sample photo

  Heather loved mints and gum. In going through her things I found the most unusual mint tins and candy. During her time during treatments candy was the only thing to help the bad taste in her mouth from the chemo. I kept a few unique samples of her mints gum and tootsie pop suckers. I know they are all spoiled but I keep them anyway. When I open the box all the smells blend together to make a most pleasing aroma.

Yes, in the shape of yellow ducks

A sample of her mints and gum

 Heather began collecting Arizona ID’s and learner’s permits. Anytime she went to have one renewed she would ask to keep the old one. They would allow her to have it back after they punched a hole in it. This collection became quite the popular thing to see just how many she could get. She loved to fan them out like they were playing cards.

Heather loved her ID's

One of the things that Heather loved was to call herself Princess Vivian. This is from Pretty Woman at the end when Richard Gere comes to rescue Julia Roberts. On several occasions she was required to write her name on paper during chemo to check her mental clarity. She loved to write Princess Vivian on the line and watch the nurse’s reaction. When we were admitted to the ER once for blood she announced that she was Princess Vivian. All the nurses (all male) called her Julia Roberts for the rest of the night. Several times I had the night ER nurse as me as I came thru the ER at night to go to 6 South...”How Julia was doing.”

Heather wrote this note

 From A to Z and 1,2,3…you name it and Heather probably had it. I have clothes, graduation tassels, yearbooks, stuffed animals, photos, notes, cards, shoes, socks, wigs, glasses, jewelry sunglasses, band-aids, candy, color books and everything in-between. I have taken her clothes and made a quilt (ones for Jenn and Wendy are coming)…I have given away a few treasures and I have barley touched the amount of belongs that I have left. I imagine that I will be a very old lady dragging around all of Heather’s belonging around with me. I just cannot part with these glimpses of Heather and her life.

Home schooled and Red Mountain High School tassels

Who but Heather has lip band-aids

color book page

A Heatherism:

It’s not my fault

That when I was a baby..

I was dropped in a box of glitter;

And I’ve been

Shinin’ ever since…