School Day...School Days...

The excitement is there, so are the nerves but mostly the idea of moving forward without her here. Every step that I take is one step further away from Heather. Some days she seems so clear in my mind I can see her and hear her as if she just left the room. Other days it is a distant memory that is foggy and hard to see. For a grieving mother simply getting out of bed and getting dressed every day is a huge accomplishment. Anything else that gets finished is extra. So to go back to school fulltime is quite a JUMP!

All Heather's pens and pencils..mostly pink and cute

Who but Heather would have pink heart shaped paper clips

 For the past couple of weeks I have had a hard time sleeping. I am sure it was all the anticipation of school coming up. Can I really go to school? Am I crazy for doing this? Can I learn all the math? Can I do online classes? Can I juggle home and school? These are the normal questions that I have, but then the different questions enter into my mind. What would Heather say about me going back to school? Would she take me shopping? Would she make me buy pink and fun stuff for school? Would she take a picture of me on my first day?

A bobbie pin holds her place in the planner-just as it was left

Heather's cute notebooks

 As I looked at Staples and Office max for supplies that I probably don’t need I was taken back to memories of school shopping not too long ago. Heather was excited to be going to PIMA for medical coding and billing. She bought all her supplies and everything was pink or high fashion looking. She had her day planner all filled in. She hit the classes hard and planned to make straight A’s. As I looked through the supplies all I could think about was Heather. The excitement is there, so are the nerves but mostly the idea of moving forward without her here. Every step that I take is one step further away from Heather.

Notes from Heather's classes

Heather only got to enjoy about 2 ½ weeks of her school before she just did not feel good enough to attend. But she had managed to do a presentation about the blood/brain barrier. It is terrible that one so young had so much real life knowledge of medical procedures. Her calendar should never have included blood draw and visit to Dr. Fastenberg. It should have been coffee with friends, movies and shopping. Not tests and doctor visits.

Heather's last schedule she filled in-notice the appointments

As I began my online classes this past weekend my mind was flooded with nothing but Heather. Heading to my 1^st class on Tuesday I was filled with memories of Heather. As I entered my math class I could feel her presence walking beside me. Thinking the entire time of how she would love my teacher. Heather would be excited to hear about how my class had gone. The excitement is there, so are the nerves but mostly the idea of moving forward without her here. Every step that I take is one step further away from Heather.

Heather's blood/brain barrier presentation 21 out of 20

Comments from a teacher

 To most all the freshman who began college this week, it was just something they have to do. Most of them have no idea what they want to study. Some of them are there because their parents told them they had to be in school. As I pass the young people on campus I cannot help but think of a 21 year old who had so much life and a goal in sight. So it is no wonder that being on the campus where Heather attended classes has me stirred with all these memories and thoughts. I am excited and yet I am sad. I have such a burning desire to excel beyond anyone’s expectations. I have a different motivation than most. But as I begin this journey the excitement is there, so are the nerves but mostly the idea of moving forward without her here. Every step that I take is one step further away from Heather.

Mornings.....

The house is quiet. Only the sound of the refrigerator humming quietly breaks the silence. The screen door to the glass sliding door is shut adding darkness to the house. The sun is up but covered by some hazy clouds. Everything looks different. The light is low like in the evening, but the look and glow is different.

Morning glow on Cinderella Castle in Disney World

 When the girls were little babies, 6 am seemed to be the time for good morning. I never have been a morning person, but would greet the morning and the babies with sleepy eyes and a tired body in those early years. Not that I didn’t enjoy morning and afternoon naptime a great deal.

As babies got older and began school, they enjoyed sleeping in a bit more. I often wonder why school needs to begin so early in the morning. I don’t believe anyone is ready to learn about past tense in verbs or the area of a square at 7:50 in the morning. That is why I enjoyed home schooling so much. We all slept in and began school at about 10am instead.

Baby Pea up bright and early-7 months old

 I love the look of sleepy little girls early in the morning. Their voices are deep from not drinking or talking. The back of their hair is a bit scruffy as they had a good sleep. Watching TV in their nightgowns or favorite sleepers. As I yawn and try to get awake I remember how lucky I am to be in the life of a little girl or 3 other little girls from a long time ago.

For as fond as the memories may be the ones that seem to pop into my head are 
not so good memories of morning. I realized this when I got up to go to Hallmark early in the morning for the ornament premiere. There is now a feel about morning. I see the light and hear the silence and it makes me sick. Everyone is sleeping and the light and sounds are eerie. Everything looks different. The light is low like in the evening, but the look and glow is different.

I am reminded of the hospital where I stayed for a minimum of 5 days every 21 days for 6 months. They say that anything you do for about 10 days becomes a habit. This was for much longer than that. I would wake in the hospital, as the light of daybreak would flood the window of the room. Even though the blinds were drawn, it could not hide the realization that this was the hospital room of my nightmares. I would quietly get up, go into Heather’s private bathroom to dress in the dark with the clothes I had laid out the night before. I would make my bed back into the chair and fold all the bedding. As I quietly picked up my toiletries, put on my shoes, I would take one more look at the sleeping beauty in the bed before I quietly headed down to the waiting room bathroom.

Heather, Jenn and Wendy-Salt River Canyon 1997

I had signs on the door so that no one would come wake us when shift change began at 7am. There were also signs on the door that no one was to come into the room during the night to empty trash. Why they do this at night is beyond me. All the nursing staff and aides knew that they did not dare go into our room until they saw that I was up and about. This was usually about 9am for me. Of course I had already had Dr. Fastenberg come in, give Heather a check over and he has told me the plan for the day. Heather was not in the best of moods either and would be very grumpy as they asked her questions. Doctors that have a practice outside of the hospital make rounds very early before they have to get to their offices. I could rise out of the bed and have a coherent conversation, ask questions and take notes the second I heard that door open. Then I would go back to sleep for a few hours.

Our routine began again to some extent when Heather went back into the hospital in March 2009. Only this time we had 4 doctors and I had to keep on track of all the different things they were saying and doing. The mornings I remember the most is when we were moved to ICU. Even though it was for a shorter time, it sticks in my memory the most. That Sunday morning when I was awakened with the words she is being moved to ICU stat. I began packing my stuff as a terrified Heather stared in shock and cried. The staff on 6 allowed me to leave my things and go with Heather. I was able to come back to get all the stuff after she was settled.

The rules in ICU are much more different. I was required to leave at 7am for shift change. Usually this was when I would come back and Heather would be shaken to her core. She had doctors’ come in and x-rays done during this time. She was not good at being left along in this scary place. She may have been 21 but she was a scared child.  For a few days I left and came home for the hour and returned at 8am. The earth looked the same then as it does now. A very cruel reminded of those days. The house is quiet. Only the sound of the refrigerator humming quietly breaks the silence. The screen door to the glass sliding door is shut adding darkness to the house. The sun is up but covered by some hazy clouds. Everything looks different. The light is low like in the evening, but the look and glow is different.

Heather fishin' in Springerville~1997

Wendy was downstairs with a tiny baby pea one morning when I came home. Wendy was sleeping and pea was in her play crib. Pea was not sleepy. As it had been a long time since I had brought a baby into bed with me, I scooped her up and went to wake up Papa. He was sleeping in my bed as to help Wendy with pea during the night. I crawled into bed a placed pea next to Papa. He woke up immediately. We talked about what had happened during the night and played with a very smiley little pea. It was a very special and good moment in the midst of all the crap going on.

Another morning when I returned Heather was beside herself in tears. She was so upset. She had doctors, nurses and xrays and she was scared to death. I decided that would be the last morning I left ICU, rules or no rules. I talked to the clinical manager and told her I would be staying from now on. I put my foot down that I would not be leaving anymore. The only rule was that I just had to stay in the room during this time. All the doctors come during this time and I might overhear something about a patient I was not supposed to hear. Trust me, everyone in ICU just about hears the same thing.

Disneyland March 2007-Whole family rides Indiana Jones

When Heather was placed on the vent, I left to sleep at home during the nights. I would awaken at about 6:30am, quickly dress in a silent house with no light and very little noise. I then quietly went downstairs and left. My morning routine was to stop at McDonald’s and get a sausage McGriddle and a huge diet coke. I did this every morning for weeks. As I would leave I would notice that the house is quiet. Only the sound of the refrigerator humming quietly breaks the silence. The screen door to the glass sliding door is shut adding darkness to the house. The sun is up but covered by some hazy clouds. Everything looks different. The light is low like in the evening, but the look and glow is different.

  Even now, 2 ½ years later, early mornings still feel the same. It is very difficult to explain and describe the feelings I have. It is very difficult for me to go to McDonald’s and order my usual. The feel and smell and look of everything is the same. Even though time has moved on, this for me is not changing. The only time that mornings are not as difficult is when I am at Disneyland. Mornings there are filled with excitement and fun. Nothing is the routine there. The light is low like in the evening, but the look and glow is different. I can see the Disneyland sign and for a few mornings, getting up early is ok.

Glass Beads...Lampworking...

A little bit of history...Lampworking is an age-old art of working glass cane or “rods” over an open flame. Originally, an oil lamp was used and the flame was stoked with an air bellows to focus heat and melt the glass. Hence, the "lampwork" name.

Today, lampworking is done by using gas torches with specialized burner heads. The fascination that accompanies the melting of glass remains, and the name “lampworking” is a reminder that this highly refined craft has a very old and basic origin. Once again, we owe gratitude to the marvels of Italian glass artists/chemists who formed the basis of what we know now.

Modern lampworking involves heating glass rods over a flame, then wrapping that molten glass over a mandrel.  The mandrel is a stainless steal rod that has been pre-coated with a chalky dip that allows the bead to release from the rod once the piece is finished.

A bead artist holds the mandrel in one hand and a glass rod in the other. As the glass softens in the flame, it is wrapped around the mandrel to form a bead. With constant rotation of the mandrel, the molten bead is born with an artistic symmetry.  Additional layers of glass are applied in the same fashion to add color, shape and texture to the bead.

During this process, we scatter ashes in between the layers of hot glass. Clear, melted glass is then worked on top of the ash, encasing the glass globe. This adds depth and extra strength to the bead.

Once the "glass" portion of the bead is completed, it is placed in an annealing kiln for controlled cooling to prevent thermal shock, or “cracking of the bead”. Cooling the bead can be a lengthy process, but it ensures that each bead will be able to endure for years to come.

After hours in the kiln and the bead has cooled, it is removed from the mandrel. It is then cleaned and readied for wiring.

There is a huge need to try to keep Heather as close to me as possible. Try as I may it will never be enough. When I have a period of time when I am extremely sad or missing her so much, I have things made.  I also usually get things for the girls as well.

Pink-Sherry, Purple-Lynn, Yellow-Jenn, Pink-Wendy

Up close to see the ashes inside..they do not move

 I wanted a glass made bead and decided to make one for the girls as well. Bill was concerned that they might have an issue with the whole idea of the ashes. Wendy eagerly wanted one. Jenn was not quite so sure. But liked the idea once I showed her the pictures. I also created one for Heather’s BFF-Lynn. I didn’t give her a choice and just made her one.

Purple, Pink, Yellow, Pink..Stunning

They are so beautiful

 The beads are such that they go onto a Pandora style bracelet. I have a long-standing history with Helzberg Jewelry store and made my 3 bracelets and 1 necklace purchase there. I was actually not that impressed with the shipping off of the ashes. I did them in the way I knew to do them from when I had the diamond made and put tracking and confirmation on them as well. This process was not as carefree as the diamond was. I was kept in the dark the entire time. For me, this is not a cool thing. When the beads were shipped I was not given a tracking number so I was in the dark again. I did call the company to express my concerns.

Bracelet for Lynn, her and I share the butterfly..starfish for Heather's love of the beach

I had to make exchanges for Jenn’s bracelet and Wendy’s necklace. Helzberg Jewelry came out with a different kind of necklace and Jenn and I ended up with one of those. Wendy just wears hers on a chain. Lynn kept the bracelet idea. Me as the Mom, I have both the necklace and the bracelet. I move my bead back and forth between the two. Wendy and I both had pink beads made. Jenn’s bead is yellow and the purple one was for Lynn.

Jenn kept her necklace and loves her yellow bead

Wendy decides to just wear it thru a chain..necklace went back

 I feel that there is something very special to be able to reach and touch the bead. It just feels nice to know that Heather is close. It feels different than the other beads I have. It feels warm and like there is a connection between the bead and me.

My bracelet...I love all the charms..each one means something special

THE HELP....

"Friends are always considered a blessing,

But, on occasions, 

There may be those who are just a little extra special 

In their own way..."

 ~Betty White~

I have never been able to read very well. Part of the issue is due to the Evelyn Woods speed-reading program that was taught to me in the 3^rd grade.  It taught us how to skip words and get the main point. I have a very difficult time reading out loud. I also think I am a bit dyslexic. I flip words most of the time. It was not till I was reading out loud to Jenn and Heather one day that I realized I had a problem. They were reading over my shoulder and asked me if I realized that I skipped words and made the wording my own. To read each word correctly was hard and very slow for me to do. I never realized that I did this and it was a problem for me.

Due to these issues I do not enjoy reading books. The idea of a 500-page book to read is overwhelming to me.  In 2007 I became hooked on audio books. It felt very good to me to be able to “read” books this way. I have “read” books I never dreamed of reading. For example the entire Harry Potter series, Twilight series, Around The World in 80 days, Peter Pan and The Nanny Diaries. I felt like the world of reading was finally in my reach. The problem is that these books are expensive on CD and then time consuming to record to the computer and put on my zen.

Imagine my shock when I went to the gym and decided that I wanted a Nook book reader. What in the world was I thinking to actually try to read a book. Well, I bought one and tried it out. So far to date I have officially read 7 books. I have found a new love of reading finally. My attention on the treadmill is very focused. I still skip and then make myself go back and read it the right way. But I feel I have overcome a huge problem for me with reading.

I have begun to read many different types of books that I would have never dreamed of reading. I look to see what is new and if there is a movie coming out I try to get the book and read it first. This is what I was able to do with the new movie THE HELP. I had no idea the memories and emotions that this book and movie would bring up for me.

I was born in 1965, this was right during the big civil rights movement. The big events such as Medger Evers, Martin Luther King and JFK had already happened before I was born. So I was just a kid and had no idea of segregation, colored people and civil rights. What I do know is I had a woman in my life that I loved very much. Her name was Mae Belle and she was my parents black maid.

My Daddy picked Mae Belle up 2-3 times a week early in the morning during the summer and every Saturday during the school year.. She cooked, cleaned and took care of me during this time. I remember her small flowered dresses, the white apron, her stocking or socks were slouch type around her ankles and she had slip on shoes. I knew she was black, but it didn’t matter to me.

Mae Belle was the only woman in my life at the time to care for me and make me feel important. She listened to me. Sometimes she brought her daughter and we would play together. She was happy and singing all the time. I loved the days when Mae Belle came because it meant for a small amount of time in my day I would be loved. My days were filled with spankings and abuse when she was not around. Mae Belle never raised her voice to me and she let me be a little girl. I really have no idea as to how old I was but I am thinking it was when I was 6-8 years old. Suddenly one day, she was gone. We just didn’t go to pick her up and she was not mentioned again.

My Daddy would take me most of the time to take Mae Belle home. But we had to do it before dark. Again, I was young and didn’t know why this was the done. She lived on the south side of Farmington on a street that had lots of little houses. They didn’t have grass in their yards, just dirt. Lots of kids, dogs and cats running around. I would be allowed to say hi to Mae Belle’s daughter sometimes but never allowed in her house.

THE HELP has left me with many questions. Questions that I will never be able to ask anyone. Both my adopted mother and father were only children. I had no aunts, uncles or cousins. Then I was an only (lonely) child. Jo Beth died when I was 9 years old and Jim died when I was 24 years old. I have no one left who knows my childhood. I cannot ask why we had a black maid, how much did she get paid and why did she suddenly disappear.

Yes, I have found my birth parents. I love my birth father very much. But, he has only known me since 2004. He does not have the memories and stories of my past, my childhood the way that parents do. I also have 9 half brothers and sisters. But I feel like an orphan. My life, my stories and my childhood memories are only the ones that I can recall in my own mind. I don’t know dates and places. I have bits and pieces. But for a time in my life, I had a black maid named Mae Belle and she loved me.

"I listened wide-eyed, stupid. 

Glowing by her voice in the dim light. 

If chocolate was a sound, 

It would've been Constantine's voice singing. 

If singing was a color, 

It would've been the color of that chocolate.”

~THE HELP~

Now That I See You...

All those days watching from the windows

All those years outside looking in

All that time never even knowing

Just how blind I have been

Now I'm here, blinking in the star light

Now I'm here, suddenly I see

Standing here, it's all so clear

I'm where I'm meant to be....

~I See The Light-Tangled~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ut1_0cRRYeE

I have been hooked on the movie Tangled from the moment I saw it. I love everything about it. The more I listen to the music the more I hear the words to mean different things. The song "I See The Light" still has a very strong impression on me. I think this is what happens in heaven when you stand before THE LIGHT. By THE LIGHT I mean Jesus. The part that has really hit me of late is "Standing here, it's all so clear, I'm where I'm meant to be".... I think that once we are there, everything is clear. The ‘oh, I get it now” moment.

And at last I see the light

And it's like the fog has lifted

And at last I see the light

And it's like the sky is new

And it's warm and real and bright

And the world has somehow shifted

All at once everything looks different

Now that I see you.....

 

I was so disappointed when I learned that Thomas Kinkade would not be doing a Tangled painting. I had laid a bet that it would come out in April. I was so sure. To my utmost joy, I found a new artist had painted a Tangled masterpiece. I purchased this newest artwork from Rodel Gonzalez immediately. I was blown over by the beauty of this painting. It is hanging in my family room right next to my chair. I see it many times a day.

 A Thomas Kinkade dealer promised me that he would have my Tangled painting personalized on the back. This dealer did not follow thru with his promise and I will never deal with this gallery again. BUT, that got me to thinking that I could send an email to the artist myself. I had nothing to lose. The worst he could say was no. About 3 weeks ago, I contacted Rodel Gonzalez via email. He responded immediately and was eager to honor my request. So, I took the canvas out of the frame and mailed it to Rodel’s studio in California.

I waited with extreme anticipation as to what Rodel would do. I asked for him to put a portion of the song, sign and date the back for me. He offered to do a sketch as well. Today, I received my Tangled canvas back. When I saw what he had done I was brought to tears. It is the most stunningly beautiful sketch of Rapunzel herself. I am so very thankful for Rodel and his kindness toward me. This painting is one of the most treasured things I have now.

 

The other song that moves me from this movie is the "Healing Incantation." I know there is no such thing as healing hair. But the words of the song and the moments that they are sung are at such moving moments in the movie. I do want my hurt to heal, to change the fate's design and to bring back what once was mine. I want Heather back every moment of every day. BUT...I feel that we were spared a lifetime of wondering is the cancer back. With every blood test and every fever we would panic. That is no way to spend a lifetime. I have no doubt that God could have healed Heather IF that was HIS plan. It was not HIS plan and I have to accept that.  But I still wish I could change the fate's design...

Flower gleam and glow

Let your power shine

Make the clock reverse

Bring back what once was mine...

Heal what has been hurt

Change the fate's design

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

What once was mine....

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GdWLuwvWyA&NR=1

Belongings....

Belongings-

possessions; goods; personal effects

Holdings, material possessions

The things that a person owns or has with him..

I personally know that when people, babies specifically, are born they come into the world with nothing. They do not have clothes, toys or any other possessions when they are born. In other words we are all born naked and with nothing. The only things that comes with a baby being born is water, a cord and maybe some goo from being created for 9 months in the womb.

 Our pastor at church used to always say that he never saw a man grab a packed bag the moment that he died. I personally know that when you die, you do not grab a bag, suitcase or any other earthly possession and take it with you. You leave everything behind. All your clothes, jewels and money stay here on earth. You leave the way you came into the world, with nothing but yourself.

No mother should have a Death Certificate for their child

ARDS, Pneumonia, Immune Compromised all from Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia

Why then are possessions giving me such a hard time. They are things, objects and papers that I simply cannot part with. I find it not fair that she did not take most of this with her. I am left trying to figure out just what I am supposed to do with all the things that remain. I have such random things that I just cannot get rid of. One example is I have the last bank statement that has Heather’s purchases on it.  I look at all the things she bought and places she ate that last month that she was out of the hospital. I just cannot seem to get rid of this. This is a small snapshot look at her life. It seems like if I do another part of her will be gone forever.

While Heather was in ICU, Wendy celebrated her 19^th birthday. One afternoon prior to her birthday I left ICU to go get Wendy’s gift and a card at the mall. When I was looking at cards I found a Peanuts-Snoopy card for Wendy. Then I found one for Jenn for her next birthday. I also found a card for Heather. I decided to buy all 3 of these cards and then keep them to give to the girls when their birthdays came around. I hesitated for a minute to put Heather’s card I found back on the chance that she didn’t make it. But then I put that thought out of my head and bought the card. I still have the Sally card that was the last birthday card I ever picked out for my Heather.

Last daughter birthday card for Heather

Sally was Heather's favorite

 Heather always wanted a TY Beanie Baby Bunny to be named after her. Ironic that the Easter she is in ICU Ty releases a purple bunny named Heather. When we knew there was no hope of a recovery for her I knew I had to get the TY bunnies to give to people who came to her funeral. I was not sure how to make this happen but I began by calling TY INC and telling them my story. I called Monday, April 20 in the morning. They lady took all my information and would get back to me. As I stood in ICU at the end of Heather’s bed, I received a call back from TY INC. I was informed that TY never sells to any individual, but due to the nature of my situation they would be willing to sell me 200 “Heather” bunnies. They also gave me a huge discount and free shipping. On Thursday, before the funeral on Saturday, 2 boxes of Ty bunnies arrived at my door. When I found the bucket that has them stored, there are only 7 out of 200 bunnies that remain.

Last 7 TY Heather bunnies

Invoice from TY for the bunnies

 I have personal items such as glasses, contacts, perfume, lotion and tons of make-up and hair clips. Heather’s complexion was so fair that most foundations did not come light enough to blend into her skin. She found 2 that worked, one Chanel and one Clinique. I cannot bear to get rid of these bottles. She touched and used these on her skin. I also have several sets of contact lenses. She loved her contacts. I keep them in the plastic bags she got them in. I have hair clips and pony holders that are brand new waiting for her hair to grow back in.

A very small sample of Heather's make-up

Small treasures found in a bag she kept in her car

Last pair of glasses-Vogue-pink inside

Her last pairs of contact lenses

 There is a collection of blue/green facial sticker jewels. Heather loved America’s Next Top Model. In one of the cycles the girls had to have their heads covered with bald caps to look like they had no hair. The jewels were placed on their eyes in designs and down their cheeks and neck as the wardrobe for their head-shots. They had very dramatic make-up as well. When Heather lost all of her hair she bought jewels and wanted Bill to set up his photo studio and take head shots of Heather made-up the same way. She was very proud of the fact that she would be bald and beautiful. She wanted to show that you could be stunning with no hair at all.  Time slipped away and Heather got a bit moody about wanting or not wanting to do this. It was never done and I regret not pushing her a bit more to do this. But I still have all the jewels she purchased for this project.

ANTM-sample photo

ANTM-sample photo

  Heather loved mints and gum. In going through her things I found the most unusual mint tins and candy. During her time during treatments candy was the only thing to help the bad taste in her mouth from the chemo. I kept a few unique samples of her mints gum and tootsie pop suckers. I know they are all spoiled but I keep them anyway. When I open the box all the smells blend together to make a most pleasing aroma.

Yes, in the shape of yellow ducks

A sample of her mints and gum

 Heather began collecting Arizona ID’s and learner’s permits. Anytime she went to have one renewed she would ask to keep the old one. They would allow her to have it back after they punched a hole in it. This collection became quite the popular thing to see just how many she could get. She loved to fan them out like they were playing cards.

Heather loved her ID's

One of the things that Heather loved was to call herself Princess Vivian. This is from Pretty Woman at the end when Richard Gere comes to rescue Julia Roberts. On several occasions she was required to write her name on paper during chemo to check her mental clarity. She loved to write Princess Vivian on the line and watch the nurse’s reaction. When we were admitted to the ER once for blood she announced that she was Princess Vivian. All the nurses (all male) called her Julia Roberts for the rest of the night. Several times I had the night ER nurse as me as I came thru the ER at night to go to 6 South...”How Julia was doing.”

Heather wrote this note

 From A to Z and 1,2,3…you name it and Heather probably had it. I have clothes, graduation tassels, yearbooks, stuffed animals, photos, notes, cards, shoes, socks, wigs, glasses, jewelry sunglasses, band-aids, candy, color books and everything in-between. I have taken her clothes and made a quilt (ones for Jenn and Wendy are coming)…I have given away a few treasures and I have barley touched the amount of belongs that I have left. I imagine that I will be a very old lady dragging around all of Heather’s belonging around with me. I just cannot part with these glimpses of Heather and her life.

Home schooled and Red Mountain High School tassels

Who but Heather has lip band-aids

color book page

A Heatherism:

It’s not my fault

That when I was a baby..

I was dropped in a box of glitter;

And I’ve been

Shinin’ ever since…