It Never Fails....

First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl

I'd unplug the telephone and keep the t.v. off

I'd hold you every second

Say a million I love you's

That's what I'd do with one more day with you...

One more day, one more time

One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing for one more day with you....

One More Day~Diamond Rio

Bill's mom, Margaret, always had a crochet project with her. On long trips or visiting she always had yarn or thread and a hook in her hands. Most of the time she worked with no pattern. It was a way to pass the time and just gave her something to do. It is very relaxing as long as you are not under pressure to get something finished. Also when you have company that you really don't wish to visit with it gives you something to do so you don't have to make conversation. (I have used this with Lola and my half sisters)

I had tried to learn how to crochet when Bill's mom was alive. I just didn't get it. For some reason after she died, Jenn was able to teach me how to crochet. It just clicked that time. Jenn is a very good teacher and had lots of patience with me. I then discovered the joy of yarn and a hook in your hands. It is very relaxing, time passing and it gives you a great feeling to make something for people. Crocheting and knitting is becoming a lost art. Not many in my generation know how to do this.

My bag that sat in ICU..

How do you say thank you to doctors and nurses that give so much of their time and heart to care for your daughter? Really, honestly, you can't. But I tried by making blankets for many of the staff that took such excellent care of Heather. The 6 months that she was in the hospital I made 12 afghans. I had lots of time just sitting either in the hospital or the ATU getting blood products. I always had a bag of yarn and a hook ready to go. I had several different bags so I could grab one and go. Here are just a few of the ones I made:

For Dr. Fastenberg

For Gayle

For Natalie

Nurse Deb, home health care

For Shawna

For nurse Jan

So, of course when Heather was in ICU I had my ever trusty bag of yarn with me. I finished a baby blanket and then began a full size afghan that was just something to do. I had no one in mind when I began it. My black bag was in the corner of the room when we were on 6 South and then in ICU till the night she died. I had lots of time just sitting in ICU. It is a quiet, lonely place with lots of time with not much to do. I also managed to watch the construction workers finish one section of the outside wall of the new emergency room. Yes, I was there that long. The night we left the hospital for the last time I put away my afghan and did not take it out till a couple weeks ago. It sat, folded the way it was the last time I had worked on it, with all the yarn and the hook in the bag. I took it out and began to work on it again with some bittersweet pains in  my heart. I have no idea yet what is going to happen to this afghan. I am not sure if I want to keep it since it was the last one I began with Heather still alive? or do I want to give it to someone special that would love it? I still have no decision yet.

Purple, cream and multi-color...2/3 done...

When I pulled everything out of the bag I found a surprise. Heather always took a purse sized bag of candy to the hospital with her. She then took sandwich bags filled with candy to the ATU for blood products. She said the chemo, steroids and blood made her mouth yucky. In the bottom of the bag was a sandwich bag filled with flattened jolly ranchers hard candy. I guess I had placed it in my crochet bag. I had no idea it was even there. I also found a set of PINK Victoria Secret patches we had bought after a trip to the ATU. Again, I must have placed them in my bag and just forgotten them.

Even with something so simple as finishing a project, the memories flood my heart and mind. Everyday simple things are just not so easy. Little reminders pop up to say hey mom...I am still here. It leaves me wishing for one more day...one more hour...one more minute...even one more second to be with her.

My diamond has finished cutting and polishing and was shipped back to the USA from Russia yesterday. The shipping will take about 10 days. Then it goes to IGI to be graded and certified. Then to the jewelers for setting and finally shipped to me. I believe that we are behind schedule now and this will be arriving the first of April.