"When a child loves you for a long, long
time, not just to play with but REALLY
loves you, then you become Real." "Does it
hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said
the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are Real you don't
mind being hurt."
The Velveteen Rabbit~by Margery Williams
The Velveteen Rabbit and Guess How Much I Love You were two of Heather's favorite bunny stories. She especially loved Nutt Brown Hare in Guess How Much I Love You. She often signed her cards to me "Love you to the sky and back, Love Nutt." I would not trade one moment with my Nutt for all the money in the world. Even if I had known that she was not going to be here very long, I would not have missed having her in my life for the short 21 yrs, 4 months and 10 days that I had her. My life is richly blessed for having her as my daughter.
The worst time for me is night time. Heather was a night owl by nature. When you add high doses of steroids there was no sleeping for a couple of days. After the house goes to bed our cat decides to howl in the hallway. Every night, I would hear the cat howl followed by a sweet meow and I knew that Heather was up getting the cat. She would do one of 2 things; either take the cat to bed with her or put the cat in bed with me. Mostly she put the cat in bed with me. Then she would crawl in bed with me. We would talk and she would wrap my arm around her. Most nights I would fall asleep on her and she would wake me up to leave. There are many nights when I expect her to come crawl in bed with me...but it does not happen.
During Heather's treatments we spent every night together. Either at the hospital or here at home. Some people thought I was crazy for allowing her to sleep with me. I had to keep an eye on her. I had to have her close to make sure she was ok. I never realized that she really did not want to move back to her room. Heather wrote in a facebook message that she felt safe and that everything would be okay when she slept with me. Many nights when Pea was little and getting up many times a night, Heather would come down and check in on us. The last two weeks that she was home she begged to sleep with me. I felt she needed her sleep and Pea would keep her up. I had no idea how scared she was. She never told me. She did not want me to worry about her. She thought that she had worried me too much. The many nights in ICU will haunt me forever. They are very clear in my photographic memory. For now, I take my sleeping pill, have night lights on, and fall asleep listening to either the Harry Potter series or Twilight series. I am trying to head to bed earlier..so I can get up earlier..but for now I will get up at the crack of 11am.
loves you, then you become Real." "Does it
hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said
the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are Real you don't
mind being hurt."
The Velveteen Rabbit~by Margery Williams
The Velveteen Rabbit and Guess How Much I Love You were two of Heather's favorite bunny stories. She especially loved Nutt Brown Hare in Guess How Much I Love You. She often signed her cards to me "Love you to the sky and back, Love Nutt." I would not trade one moment with my Nutt for all the money in the world. Even if I had known that she was not going to be here very long, I would not have missed having her in my life for the short 21 yrs, 4 months and 10 days that I had her. My life is richly blessed for having her as my daughter.
The worst time for me is night time. Heather was a night owl by nature. When you add high doses of steroids there was no sleeping for a couple of days. After the house goes to bed our cat decides to howl in the hallway. Every night, I would hear the cat howl followed by a sweet meow and I knew that Heather was up getting the cat. She would do one of 2 things; either take the cat to bed with her or put the cat in bed with me. Mostly she put the cat in bed with me. Then she would crawl in bed with me. We would talk and she would wrap my arm around her. Most nights I would fall asleep on her and she would wake me up to leave. There are many nights when I expect her to come crawl in bed with me...but it does not happen.
During Heather's treatments we spent every night together. Either at the hospital or here at home. Some people thought I was crazy for allowing her to sleep with me. I had to keep an eye on her. I had to have her close to make sure she was ok. I never realized that she really did not want to move back to her room. Heather wrote in a facebook message that she felt safe and that everything would be okay when she slept with me. Many nights when Pea was little and getting up many times a night, Heather would come down and check in on us. The last two weeks that she was home she begged to sleep with me. I felt she needed her sleep and Pea would keep her up. I had no idea how scared she was. She never told me. She did not want me to worry about her. She thought that she had worried me too much. The many nights in ICU will haunt me forever. They are very clear in my photographic memory. For now, I take my sleeping pill, have night lights on, and fall asleep listening to either the Harry Potter series or Twilight series. I am trying to head to bed earlier..so I can get up earlier..but for now I will get up at the crack of 11am.
No comments:
Post a Comment